I have written many times about my new beginnings starting Boxing Day 2010, and now as we are about to begin a new decade, I reflect on the journey of the past nine years, and look forward to the new beginnings and all life has to offer in 2020, the past nine years I feel have been preparing me for 2020, as I feel guided to say every year is a preparation for the next, I have learned that life on the earth plane, is the evolution or devolution of self, by how we allow external influences to effect our internal selves, the art of self evolution is to know our internal truth and to live and grow through our truth, when we allow ourselves to devolve, is when we allow ourselves to be shaped by our external world.
With this in mind I feel to say that our external world can enhance our inner truth, we learn and grow from our experiences in our external world, but we must learn to remain true to our inner truth, keeping the lessons to enhance our inner truth, and discarding the bad memories to maintain the health of our inner truth and selves, this is where I feel detachment plays it’s part in emotional health, 2019 was a fantastic year for me filled with love, blessings, and realisations.
In 2019 I began my quest to be more in service to spirit, I have gained bookings from 5 new churches, the highlights of my spiritual service is working with, the lovely Ashley Mills and creating Gemini Transfiguration, and demonstrating Transfiguration/Trance at, Reading, Winchester, and Eastleigh churches, also serving spirit on platform at Reading, Winchester, Eastleigh, Wokingham, also it was the first time my lovely medium friend Jane Lorraine Goodman, had seen me demonstrate mediumship at Wokingham, a box I enjoyed ticking, I have also changed my focus in spirit communication, I used to bring a lot of messages through from spirit guides, and some loved ones in this age of the need for evidence, I have turned my focus to bringing messages through from loved ones, with some amazing and heart touching results, have done some home Transfiguration/Trance sits much to my suprise my Stevie’s GasBag FB live discussion groups have been a success, and I will continue to do them.
Also in 2019 myself and Veronica had a amazing first holiday together in Venice, and Veronica made me the most honoured man in the universe, by becoming my wife 07/09/19 at Winchester Registry Office, with my best friend the lovely Marina Rawlings being my best man, myself and Veronica had a lovely honeymoon on the Isle of Corfu, I am so very grateful for the blessings of 2019 and thankful for the people who have supported me throughout 2019.
2020 is a master year whereby we can work towards and manifest our best life, and I hope to be more of service to spirit, and I will work towards serving more churches and centres, the refreshing thing is Churches are starting to recommend me again, as I said life is a state of evolution of the self, in 2010 I had virtually dried up and was in a real state of inertia, over the past nine years I have been living, speaking, growing, and learning my truth through an open heart to where I am today, now as 2020 approaches I am semi retired to have more time to serve spirit, I am going to complete my book, build my website, be a channel for spiritual healing, and private readings, serve churches and centres, share my poetry/writing to the world, and live love and grow with my beautiful wife Veronica.
2019 in Highlights And New Beginnings 2020
Light Love Blessings And Abundance For All In 2020
As I have said many times before since Boxing Day 2010, till now has been a time of mental, emotional, spiritual, material, development for me, from the mess I was to the man I am now, has been a wonderful journey of enlightenment and progression, never doubt your capacity to change and seek out the life you need, and become the person you need to be.
Be true to yourself honesty with self is truly the best policy, to becoming all we want to be, and with the future people who we will meet, who are and will become in heart and mind our soul tribe, as I sit here writing this feeling truly blessed, I have had a wonderful weekend serving spirit with the lovely Ashley Mills, being inspired to create by spirit date night with my beautiful wife Veronica, she is now sitting watching Christmas movies as I write, I live in gratitude for the journey and all the blessings of realisation along the way, that have helped me become.
We All talk of love as something we give to others, but love of self always seems to be the illusion to many, and many deny self love from the illusion of being somehow unworthy of self love, we are all worthy of self love, as it is the one thing that will propel us to living a fulfilling life, you may scoff but Boxing Day 2010 I was alone drunk and broke, with a ex girlfriend telling me I would die a lonely old man, I came to realise I needed to love myself as well as others, my self love taught me what was acceptable or not acceptable from others, as well as what was acceptable or not by the way I treated myself, self love was my guide on my journey to a new life.
My self love also reminded me that I was wasting my life, by not serving spirit to my full capacity, and not fully committing to spirit fully in heart and mind, my journey back to being a servant for spirit has at times been the most frustrating, but also rewarding part of my journey since Boxing Day 2010, because I feel I have grown in heart mind and spirit, enabling me to become a fully functioning servant and vessel of spirit. Stephen Rowlands 10/11/19
You came to me in serene beauty that graced my eyes, my mind in awe of this profound reality, you are the one who will walk beside me in this dream of life, my love for you has become a supernova, please accept my love for its simplicity and power, my love for you can heal all wounds from love denied.
Have you ever tried to imagine that there is no such thing as creation, space, planets, our planet, and life, that you yourself do not exist it is in fact impossible to imagine, because we are consciousness all we can perceive is consciousness, consciousness manifests in the form that it vibrates, there is no such thing as nothing but if you live within the mortal mind nothing is all there is, just physical being a functional brain for a physical body, consciousness generated by a physical brain for a limited time, how far from the truth can that be when consciousness and creation are eternal, our consciousness is a spark of creation.
Our mortal consciousness will see creation as finite, when in truth creation is infinite, our thoughts and actions our creation echoes into eternity, as we are eternal do we not see that we have a sacred responsibility to creation and life, we as humankind vibrate at a low level within the kaleidoscope of creation, as our consciousness is very warlike and territorial driven by greed, and the need for power we have struggled to come to terms with our place in creation, seeing ourselves as separate from creation, in truth we are woven into the tapestry of known and all creation.
Humankind has never been able to completely shut out the truth, and has searched for the truth through religion, in how we perceive life and creation to give us the answers to questions, words can be great deceivers we perceive holy as being supernatural, in truth holy is the beauty of creation, not supernatural as everything in our perceived lives is perfectly natural, everything we do individually and collectively is an interaction with creation.
But our religions have made creation into a supernatural being to be worshipped, the truth being creation is the intelligence of life, within the known and unknown laws of the universe, infinite and eternal we are the energy of life energy cannot die, when the physical world ebbs away to dust, it is our energy our consciousness that travels to the higher vibrations of spirit.
It is the frequency and vibration of our consciousness that we call spirit, as Tesla once said if we wish to understand the universe, we should think in terms of frequency and vibration, it is time for the human race and the religions of the world, to move away from the supernatural and seek out the truth of our being and purpose through the frequency and vibration of consciousness, and that is where we will discover the consciousness of love, and our connection to all life.
Recently sitting at home drinking wine relaxing on a warm summers evening, I asked myself and spirit the question “Why Am I A Medium” I know it is my purpose in life to be a channel for spirit, and being a channel for spirit has given me my niche in life where I can shine and contribute to this life, but why am I a channel for spirit, knowing spirit would answer my question through inspiration and synchronicity, it has been a long circular road to this point in time, back to the beginning to start anew, so I needed to know why am I a medium.
Who really knows what they want to be, a question we are asked when we are very young, tinker, tailor, soldier, spy, fireman, train driver, who can truly know what they are to become, life is a long road of choice and the experience of our choices, we get very confused on our journey, as to who and what we are, society and our peers tell us what we should be and become, inwardly we desire to be truly ourselves, and to be living life as to what expresses our innermost being, all I know is that life is a journey of finding ones trueself, and expressing and sharing that truth for the benefit of all.
We all have the beautiful gift of life and creation, our dance of life should be the creation of the best we can be, above all our creation should be love of self, life, and all we do, and to create with love as our power and guide, the essence of the teachings of spirit is love to share with all, it is love of self and life that is our dance, the best dance of all is the dance of service to others.
Many are called but few are chosen Matthew 22:1-14.
We are all called by God ( creation) to walk a spiritual pathway, in service to God to bring enlightenment upliftment, to heal pain to be the messengers of spirit and universal life.
It is those who do not truly have compassion in their hearts, who do not wish to speak spiritual truth from their hearts, those who wish to serve themselves, in the pretence of service to God, who are not chosen.
So why have I been chosen to serve God as a healer and medium, no matter how many times I have fallen off the pathway of service, I always get called back into service, my life’s journey is what it is and I have learned many lessons, the main lesson has been not to try to be normal, but to truly be myself not to seek acceptance of others but to gain acceptance of myself, my eternal connection to God and spirit through my heart, throughout my life I have been called into spiritual service, now the lesson is learned I feel now I am chosen, to serve God and spirit I have accepted myself and my connection, spiritual service is now my focus for the remainder of my earth life, service to God and spirit is the dance of my heart.
Memories far far away in time, of being a young 23 year old medium, just starting out on the spiritualist church circuit, sitting on the doorstep of home seeking inspiration, for the Sunday service address writing notes from my thoughts, my nan would be cooking Sunday dinner, blissful memories of that time.
I find myself today 36 years later, sitting on the decking of mine and Veronica’s home, seeking inspiration for tonight’s Sunday address, for service at Winchester Independent Spiritualist Church, my Veronica cooking Sunday dinner, the intervening years were a journey of self discovery, seeking the truth of what I truly am, a material man or disciple and servant of spirit many dark times ahead due to my bad choices as I endeavoured to balance earth and sky to find my place, in this life.
All through the years spirit have stood by me, especially in the darkest times even when I could not see or feel their presence, spirit were there guiding me to my truth, today I realise I have come full circle, I feel very lucky and truly blessed, that spirit have stood by me through all my bad choices and at times stupidity, the journey is now done and I can continue my path, as a disciple and servant of spirit, I feel so truly blessed for the love and guidance of spirit throughout my life, I say to all who are aware and serve spirit, live your life and truth to the full, because it is a journey of guidance, to the truth of your purpose in this life. Blessings To All 💜 Stephen Rowlands 28/07/19
The spiritual journey in this physical material life has many crossroads, when we have completed a stage of learning and service, a crossroads will appear and give us choices on how we proceed as the old path no longer serves us, as we are meant to progress further to greater service to spirit, a crossroads is a stopping point as we at times struggle to decide in which direction to go and grow, I have often advocated the value of a spiritual crossroads, as a time rest and reflection to realise we no longer need to continue on the same path, and allow spirit to inspire us onto the next step, many think of a spiritual crossroads as a state of inertia, as they cannot see a way forward to the next path.
A spiritual crossroads is there to guide us onto the next part of our journey, and has great value to us who serve spirit, but many do not realise this simple truth by clinging onto past glories and defeats, by doing this they are placing themselves into a state of inertia, because nothing will change as they keep reliving the same old story of what once was, I to fell into that trap by telling all and sundry about what I used to do, I thought people would remember me but soon realised I had been forgotten, I found the new spiritual industry to be a new world, from the spiritual world I had known, and I had to find my niche so I went around telling people what I used to do, my ego told me that platform bookings would soon be flooding in but they did not.
I considered with all my years of experience serving spirit, as a healer and platform medium that my stories could benefit, those people who are aware of spirit and beginning their spiritual journey of service to spirit. I have realised that my stories are no longer relevant to the spiritual industry of today, not many people today want to walk a spiritual path of learning and service, today it all seems to be about fame and money and who is the best, or whether your face fits or not, I have realised on a personal level that my ego was wrong, what I used to do does not matter anymore, my past glories no longer serve me, and now today with only a couple of platform demonstrations to do, and three demonstrations of transfiguration to do, I find myself at a spiritual crossroads.
Where do I go from here I have asked myself, I have asked the universe and my spirit guides if you want me to work with you, why have I so little to do where do we go from here, the universe and spirit guides answered me, my lovely friend Pauline Highams told me that my inspirational memes on facebook and my words have helped her and many others, it is very uplifting and humbling to know that just my five minutes a day, posting thought for the day on facebook is uplifting people, and that my blogs are also helping people gain guidance and upliftment, I recently had a conversation with my lovely Kiwi friend Lesley Wilson who talked to me of a course she was doing with Jarrad Hewett, about owning your own energy she was asked the question, who would you be without your stories, can we let go of our old stories and become the blank page, and abacadabra in a nutshell is what I feel my spiritual crossroads , is teaching me and guiding me to my future pathway, to let go of my irrelevant old stories and become the blank page.
This realisation has given me a breath of inspired fresh air, no longer will my ego bash me over the head, punishing myself for not doing what I think I should be doing, or being where I think I am meant to be, no longer shall I compare myself to others, I shall let go of my past stories to become the blank page, with no expectation of what is to come, focus on my thoughts for the day and spirit inspired writing, living and speaking truths of spirit through an open heart.
The certainty of earth life is physical death, all people’s on earth know of this one truth yet deny it, death will come for us all, ignorance of death is the denial of lifes one truth, the knowledge of death should unite us all in life, as all are equal in death, all are joined as brothers and sisters in death, in this one truth we should all be brothers and sisters in life, as we walk the pathway towards physical death, be loving and kind have compassion in pain and sorrow be the samaritan, for all our brothers and sisters treasure our moments in time, with our brothers and sisters, for we never know when journeys end and death begins. (C) Stephen Rowlands 15/05/19
Vibrant waves of love flow from the centre of creation speaking the truth of love, to open hearts and minds calling you to act with love, our mission in spirit, is to spread the truth of love to all who seek, love is powerless without thought and deed for the greater good, the human race is biologically programmed to follow the physical law of self, for its own survival other than the law of spirit and life, all life is divine in essence, brothers and sisters of the human race come together as the human family, create the divine connection of oneness to each other and all life. Inspiration from Jerome Franciscan Monk and spirit guide 17/04/19
Awakening my mind to a new awareness evolving within, harmful emotions being washed away, ego is a comfortable room to sit in and dwell on the faults of others, my mind focusses on the pathway ahead, freeing me from my spiteful ego, fading out all distractions from my purpose to serve, creating a powerful heart space, new and open to be filled with love and spirit, who am I to judge how another walks this path, when I like them are called to serve, all that matters is how I walk my path of service.
Christmas is a time when memories of Christmas past, come to the forefront of the mind, Christmas 2010 was to be a Christmas Day of great change for me, although I felt it was my worst time, it was actually the best time of my life, although my life was in tatters, hopes and dreams crushed I felt so abandoned, as if washed up on a sea shore my ship of life wrecked, cast out and alone a mere image of what I once was, I have written much of this time, but as I was looking through my facebook memories, my status for 27/12/10 was “A new journey begins letting go of the past, and embracing a new life”.
All roads lead to somewhere in this life, dependant on the pathway we choose to walk, I have realised that spirit can see the bigger picture of our lives, especially when our faces are in the dirt, and we feel broken and lost, it is most important to be true to ourselves, have faith in ourselves as the true path we wish to walk, will open up to us, the last 8 years have been a amazing time of development, to become we must first grow, I grew by unloading all my mental and emotional crap, becoming at peace with myself yes loving myself, walking a spiritual pathway as a healer and medium, all the progress I have made in life, has taken 8 years we live in a instant world, but inner development to effect progession in our outer world takes time, small steps are required to be taken, by those who seek to develop and progress, be prepared for a journey of soul searching and realisation, a journey of healing and enlightenment, not instant gratification and results, feeling very pleased with myself in 2016, my head and heart were in the best place they had been in years, but I had a question that needed to be answered, would I ever find a lady to truly love, to spend the rest of my days with, I did wonder if I was meant to walk my life pathway alone, but decided to try one last time.
I joined Match.Com yes a dating site you may scoff, but the ladies were not exactly kicking my front door down to date me, I had been on the dating site for almost a year, and was about to delete my account, most of the ladies I spoke to had more baggage than Heathrow, wanted someone a lot wealthier than myself, or turned there nose up at me because of my spiritualism, I was also losing weight due to my diet, and posting images of my slimmer self to the dating site, interest did pick up a bit, but as I said the interest was from all the wrong ladies, one night in June 17 I decided to end my time with Match.Com, when I logged in I noticed I had a wink from a lady, the lady was in fact my Veronica after a couple of weeks texting and chatting, we agreed to meet 13/07/17, I am very empathic and I immediately sensed from Veronica, the warmth and beauty of her heart, this is the girl I am looking for I thought, we clicked and started dating each other, although I lived in Slough and she in Winchester, the distance did not matter, as I know now we were truly falling in love, and we would take it in turns to visit each other when we were not working.
My Veronica August 2017
But living apart and distance did eventually become a problem, as it was becoming harder and harder to leave each other, when our visits came to an end, we had talked of moving in together, I used to say to Veronica it is a nice thought, but it is very scary in practice, and I did not want another life disaster on my hands, if it all went wrong, also giving up my flat in Slough would be a real wrench for me, as I loved my flat it was a lifeboat for me, to heal and rebuild my life, but as our feelings for each other grew. and absence from each other got harder and harder, we finally decided to make a home together, after a lot of talk about whom was moving in with who, myself and Veronica decided that I would move to Hampshire with her, I spoke to my mother and got her blessing, my mother said to me “it would be good for me to get out of the rat race, and into the country” on 08/06/18 I moved to Winchester to live with Veronica, now looking back today 01/01/19, it is the best move I ever made, a real leap of faith but I have landed safely on my feet, myself and Veronica plan to marry in September 19, since moving to Winchester we also use our home as a spiritual centre, I have named Spirit Divine for healing, readings, workshops, and demonstrations of trance, also I am serving new churches, some that I used to serve back in the day, I feel so very blessed today and so glad I took the small steps, inwardly and outwardly to where I am today, although we cannot always see the bigger picture, small steps towards our goals are the answer enjoy the journey, 2018 was a master year, to take charge and put in place everything we want in life, and I feel I have mostly achieved that, and I am very happy to share this with you all.
Walking above the rain clouds, my mind elevated to blue sky and sun, the rain falls as past sorrows, above all my sorrows I now see, the vanity of love selfish illusions of a soul to love, wanting someone to love blinded my minds eye to love, all I needed to do was be and grow, in heart and mind the search was not to find love, but to be love, enriching my soul and life.
Walking above the rain clouds, abundance of love in heart and mind, my love for you fills me in a wave of euphoria, enriching all perception of future life with you, we are to be and become, two souls entwined in the destiny of love.
I have often spoken about prayer describing prayer as thought, as a lot of people are put off prayer, by the religious connotations of prayer, I find prayer to be a useful tool in my daily life, to help me focus on what I need to do, in a religious sense prayer is our communication with the divine, we pray and a religion created God answers our prayers or not within our own perception, creation in one way or another, interacts with us in lessons to help us achieve what we are praying for, spirit guides have often taught that thought is the most powerful energy in the universe, so thinking about it the energy of our thoughts in prayer, are a real interaction with the lifeforce and energy of creation, that religion calls God.
Our light within communicates and interacts with the source light of creation, through our hearts and minds, how many times have we become at peace after prayer, this is a indication of our light interacting with source light, as we receive thoughts from the source of creation, we can gain guidance from source light, and help us to change our lives for the better, the spiritual journey here on earth, is very much a inner journey to develop light within us, by the lessons we receive from source light, to guide us on our spiritual journey here on earth, I feel inspired to write about my life and prayer at this point in time, to give an example of how our inner light, interacts and communicates with source light and wisdom.
I have been working as a security officer for the past 28 years, in varying roles in that time I have been shot at stabbed with a needle kicked and punched, and suffered various injuries from these assaults, for the past 3 months I have been working as a retail security officer, deterring shoplifters from stealing goods from a well known food retailer, the scene has changed very much from when I was a store detective 12 years ago, it used to be very cat and mouse with shoplifters doing there best to avoid detection, for fear of prosecution, today the police will not respond to shoplifting as it is deemed low level crime, due to government cuts to police and lack of resources, now shoplifters are openly stealing and being violent, if store security or shop staff try to stop or apprehend them, as their is now little or no chance of them being prosecuted and sentenced, my role is becoming more staff protection than being a deterrent to shop thieves.
I must admit at 58 years old this concerns me, as I am not as physically fit, and cannot be as physically aggressive as I used to be, in deterring and arresting shoplifters, for the past couple of weeks I have been working in a store, where assaults on staff are very much on the increase, my role is to visit a different store in that chain everyday, but due to assaults at this store on staff by shoplifters, the store has asked for a greater security presence there, on 21/11/18 I arrived at the store and I did not know why, but I felt I should pray and ask for protection for myself and the store that day, at 18.04 hrs a male and female entered the store, who I knew to be shoplifters, he is about 6′ 5″ tall and powerfully built, and in his mid twenties early thirties, the female is tall and skinny with obvious signs of drug abuse, I walked quickly to the meat section, as I knew they were going to go for the high value steaks, the male walked around to the next section, where the lamb and gammon joints were, the female stood about 5′ away from me pretending to browse the ham and burgers, I stood in front of the steak to protect it.
About 20 seconds later the male appeared with his open carrier bag, he said to me “keep out of the way mate this is nothing to do with you” and started to put steaks in his carrier bag, I started to take the steaks from him, telling him they are not his steaks and to leave the store, some pushing and shoving between us ensued, I was pushed back into the chiller but bounced back at him, he kept saying to me “do not touch me” I replied leave the steaks alone, this went on for about 45 – 60 seconds, in the struggle some steaks fell on the floor, and I stood on them to protect them from theft, myself and the male just looked at each other, it was a silent and eerie split second, he could see I was not going to retreat, then he and the female left the store, a manager who had witnessed the incident asked me if I was ok, I dialled 101 and reported the incident to police, also reporting it as a assault on myself as I was pushed into the chiller, knowing the police would give this incident more attention.
23/11/18 a police officer came to the store, to take a statement from me reference the assault on me and the theft of steak from the store, and to seize cctv evidence, the police officer told me that the male I wrestled with, was a nasty piece of work and was involved in a vicious assault on another man, which the man will take several months to recover from, my prayer for protection that day came back into my mind, realising I could have been seriously injured that day or worse, in that eerie split second in the incident, I believe spirit spoke to the male and he made the decision not to harm me and walk away, over giving me a good hiding to allow him to steal the steaks, I am so thankful and grateful to creation angels and spirit guides, for answering my prayer protecting me that day, and this is also my example of the power of prayer, and how our interaction through prayer with the source of creation works.
All things everything and everyone, is a reflection of soul source, the energy, light, being of creation, and intelligence the masses know as God, everything and everyone is connected by the soul source, as it is the divine plan to bring everything and everyone, into one ness with soul source, it is very important for those who follow a spiritual pathway, to have a inner one ness and connection with their own higher self, creating one ness with our soul source, as collectively the human race must attain, and ascend to one ness with soul source, but why do we look outside of ourselves to religion, for connection with our higher self, when higher self is within heart and mind, why do we see soul source as a separate entity to ourselves, when we are connected to soul source via heart and mind, to simplify connection through our own being.
It matters not whether we believe in a God or soul source or not, we have a choice everyday, on how we want to live our life purpose, yes I believe each and everyone of us has a life purpose, surely the greatest purpose of all is to love, to love friends and family, to help and comfort the sick and dying, to always work towards the greatest and highest good for ourselves, fellow humans and our world, Alice Bailey wrote The Great Invocation, a prayer to help soul source ( God ) find full expression here on earth, as we the human race are a expression of soul source, I feel strongly that it is our duty and purpose, to manifest and maintain full expression of soul source here on earth, I think we have got it all very wrong over the centuries, expecting everything to come from soul source, when we are the physical embodiment of soul source, together we can create a world of harmony, balance, love, kindness, compassion, tolerance, here on earth our connection to soul source is our higher selves.
Religion has been preaching the wrong message, I believe through misunderstanding the message from soul source, and myself realising that back in time, the teachings from soul source and the masters, were perceived as magically supernatural, the evolving church taught us to worship soul source, as a supernatural being full of magical miracles, when the simple truth is soul source ( God ) is within and all around us, and that we are naturally connected to soul source on a vibrational level, it has been very wrong of religion to teach, that the only way to soul source is through religion, creating wealth and power for religion.
There are many teachers teaching the one truth, with varying aspects of the one truth, that have been guides for the human race over the centuries, this can be very confusing to the many who seek the truth, but are put off by organised religion, much has been written about the higher self and how to connect with it, in this blog I aim to share with you my spirit guided teaching, on how to connect with our higher selves and soul source, the connection I speak of is not easy as we all have our emotional, physical, and material needs, which at times can be very selfish, our need for the bigger house or car, to get ahead of others to gain status, no matter the cost, to be loved, our hurts, anger, jelousies, bitterness, greed all very selfish emotions,and this is where our spiritual development comes in to let go off all our self serving, thoughts emotions and deeds whether be physical emotional, material, spiritual for the higher self is selfless and to reach it we must be selfless to, our higher selves is our purest form and connection with soul source, our higher self, is the divine energies of unconditional love kindness and compassion, and we can reach our higher being through selflessness love kindness and compassion all are great teachers, especially when we feel the world is against us.
This is the true spiritual development we all need to develop and grow within, on a individual level to achieve the full expression of soul source here on earth, to end war famine greed our inhumanity to each other, and all life that we share mother earth with, it is a personal spiritual development, that religion cannot accommodate because the church is not selfless in love thought and action, we must love selflessly to serve the greatest and highest good of all things, the truth comes in simplicity, religion has complicated the simple truth by putting itself between the human race and soul source, as we navigate the journey to our higher selves and connection to soul source, we cannot force another to take our pathway, we can only hope that they see the benefit of our way of life, and choose the pathway to the truth for themselves, there is much more that could be written but I simply say to the reader develop and grow in selfless thoughts and actions, of love kindness and compassion for ourselves and all things, let the masters be our guides so be it.
Weary of the wheel of material life, expending energy draining going nowhere fast in rotation, tired and forlorn must power the greed engine, sitting with my wine asking the question why am I programmed to work this wheel, is it the knowledge of age that speaks, or my creaking body, that will not allow me to do what I once did, I am weary of the systemic ideal, that wants me in my place, I have worked my whole life, feeding energy to the greed engine, the life love and laughter, I have missed whilst working this dam wheel, is the tax that I have paid, for a comfortable life.
When I am exhausted and can no longer feed the greed engine, I will be discarded and replaced, worn out for what purpose I ask, the best years passed by, hindsight is a beautiful future lived in the past, a day dream that I can no longer regret, I should have stepped off the wheel, when my dreams could have been loved and lived, weary of futile work serving the corperate machine, that nourishes the few but wastes the many.
I have had too many years of doing big favours, for the businesses I have served, I have gained nothing from doing favours, I have lost time to live breathe and love, you call again asking for a big favour, this time I cannot oblige, because time is limited for me and priceless, I will waste no more of my precious time, making you rich and me weary.
Opening my heart to all that is draws me closer to spirit, I give thanks for the new day, conscious and alive the new day, brings blessings in abundance, my mind becomes the open unwritten book, I am the creator within the magical genesis of creation, breeze blowing through the trees, connects me to the energy of life, and love of all that is, closer to spirit I am aware.
I offer myself in service to all that is, that I may always work towards the greatest and highest good for all, who seek to be closer to spirit, seeking the greatest and highest good from within myself, manifesting unconditional love my heart full to the brim, I walk with spirit a vocation, a calling, my reason for being, closer to spirit.
There are a lot of people these days protesting, that spiritualism is not a religion, spiritualism in the UK had to become a religion, so that practitioners such as mediums and healers were not prosecuted, under the outdated witchcraft Act 1735, medium Helen Duncan was convicted under the witchcraft act, in September 1944 for claiming to conjure spirits, whilst I agree that spirit never speak of religion as there is no religion in spirit, and spirit do not speak of a god, they speak of divine light, no one can deny who has studied and communicated with spirit, the existence of a universal life and law, that spirit communicate to us here on earth as above so below.
The driving force of universal life is love, and it is love that spirit communicate to us here on earth, and the teachers that mankind built religion around all taught love, many who come into spiritualism in the UK, have come from a Christian background, and the cross in a spiritualist church gives resonance and focus to those from a religious background, who wish to learn more through spirit communication, how things work in the life hereafter and how to progress spiritually, and so enhancing there humanity, spirit guides teach that a church is a building a medium for them to communicate there truths, a group of like minded people meeting in a building, to commune the teachings of spirit is by definition a religion.
It depends on the energy of love and attunement to spirit within the building, that we and spirit can create together, the creation of love with spirit, depends on the level of attunement of the people within the building, hymns and prayers help us to gain greater attunement to spirit, taking us out of our material physical minds, to higher levels of attunement to spirit, yes all of this is religious ritual, but what is prayer but emotion and thought, spirit communicate to us in emotion and thought, and it is our attunement to love, that spirit need to communicate with us successfully.
Spiritualism has been crusading to prove the existence of eternal life, through spirit communication the facts of the communication proving eternal life, there is far greater communication with spirit, in the teachings spirit pass on to us, the teachings are of universal life and law, for we are spirit living learning and growing in a physical material world, to be a spiritualist is to live and walk with spirit on our earth plane, practising the teachings of spirit, and to be the true messengers of spirit, we must practice love, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness, in our thoughts words and deeds in service to spirit, there is a lot more to mediumship than giving messages, this is what being a spiritualist means to me.
I am not really sure how to tell you this part of my spiritual journey, as it is not a talked about or researched subject, but is worthy of further investigation for our understanding of, the progression of our spirit after physical death, we always say a nasty, wicked, or evil person will go to hell, when they pass over into spirit, and a good person will go to heaven, and be surrounded by angels when they pass over to spirit, there is a lot of truth in this analogy, because our spirit is what we truly are, spirit guides have told me that we create our own heaven or hell in spirit, by our thoughts, emotions, and actions, here on the earth plane.
Our spirit is energy a consciousness that survives physical death, there are many levels of consciousness within the world of spirit, that we rise or fall to upon the event of our physical death, consciousness can only exist in a level that is vibrating at the same frequency as itself, like attracts like hence why there are many levels of spirit, within the human race there are many different levels of understanding, and this reflects through to the spirit world as above so below.
It is spirits that find themselves on a low level of spirit, that need healing to rise towards the light, and ascend to a higher level of spirit, they are at a low level for many reasons, mainly for dark emotions, thoughts, actions, and deeds on the earth plane, whereby they have selfishly put there own needs above others, or they feel they still have things to do here on the earth plane, to right wrongs or to gain forgiveness from someone living in the physical, or they have died suddenly at an accident or by the hand of another, and they still feel the pain and fear of there physical death, or they simply do not know they have physically died especially if sudden death or they had no knowledge or belief in a afterlife, or believe that there is nothing after physical life, we carry our emotions thoughts and deeds over to spirit as above so below, and they stay close to the earth plane vibrating at a dense physical level.
Spirit vibrating at a low level will come to us for help to help them raise their vibration, and to be guided towards the light there are also spirit guides, that work to help low level spirit to ascend to the light, rescue work circles here on the earth plane work along side spirit guides, and are devoted to helping low level spirit to ascend to the light and higher vibration, and this is where my story begins, back in 1978 when I first started to explore spiritualism, I was sitting for spiritual development and very open to spirit, I had 3 dreams over a period of a few months, each dream was set in a graveyard at night.
The first dream I was walking in a graveyard, and had a very strong sense that I must look for and find one particular grave, I did not know which grave but knew I had to find a grave, although in my dream it was night time, there was a light permeating through the darkness turning my surroundings, to a sort of dark blue and grey, I remember thinking in the dream what am I doing here, but I knew I really must find this grave, although I did not know why I must find the grave, eventually I came across this very large grave, with a stone plinth and a sculptured head of a man on it, with like three stone serrated rails over the grave meeting in the middle above the grave, I stood looking at the grave for awhile and then the eyes on the head opened, I woke up in the physical screaming and terrified.
The second dream was the same graveyard with me having. a very strong urge to find this grave, although with some trepidation as the last dream terrified me, I thought is this a lucid dream, as I know I am back in the same graveyard looking for a grave, that I know there is something evil about it, telling myself to be strong I pressed on, I found the grave the eyes on the head opened, it opened it’s mouth and a real deep loud drone come out of it’s mouth, everything seemed to vibrate I woke up terrified and screaming, although I was now conscious in my bed at home, I questioned my dream was it a lucid nightmare, could I have changed the dream and dreamt of something much more pleasant.
In the third dream I was joined by a boy and a girl, they were about my age late teens, they told me they were going to help me find the grave, this is very strange I thought why would they want to be here with me in my dream, they asked me what I would do when we found the grave, I said to them I do not know the grave terrifys me, it moves and talks I really do not know why I keep coming back here, we found the grave but it was in a different place, and was very different to how it had appeared before, it was close to the church and it was like a brick box with a gravestone laid on top, and on top of that was the stone head, surrounding the grave was an old black railing pointed with pointed rails, the girl asked me do you know who is buried here, I said I do not know but there must be a reason for me to keep coming back here, at that point the stone head turned round to face me, and in a deep mans voice spoke my name, once again I woke up screaming and terrified.
The question for me was why I had the three dreams, what was the purpose and reason for me having three dreams about a grave in a graveyard, and who were the young boy and girl, a few months went by and one evening, I was sitting in Berenice Watts development circle, for the meditation she asked us to walk down a Victorian street, I visualized a Victorian street and in my visualisation it was night time, I tried to visualise the Victorian street scene in daylight, but it kept going back to night, so I just stayed with night there were theatres to my left all lit up, and Victorian ladies and gentlemen dressed in there finery, walking up and down the street, it was a fun happy feeling of people out for entertainment and fun, across the road there was a graveyard, I immediately knew it was the graveyard in my three dreams.
Surrounding the graveyard were black pointed railings, there was a large gold building, all lit up with lights shining on it, inset into the outer wall was red square with gold trim, the people walking down the street seemed to be celebrating the fact the gold building was there, on the pavement outside the gold building stood a Victorian gentleman, with top hat a black beard wearing formal evening dress, he was staring right at me, I felt this is strange why is he staring at me I also felt glued to the spot, but also that me and the Victorian gentleman were all to do with this gold building and feeling of celebration, Berenice called us back into the room to interpret our meditations, I described my meditation to Berenice and told her about my three dreams, and that I strongly felt the gold building was the grave in the 3 dreams, Berenice explained to me that I had been used by spirit to help raise a spirit from the grave, because there are spirits who come into the physical earth vibration, and do not learn and grow whilst attached to the physical body, and lead a very negative life in the physical, when the physical body dies they cannot see a way out and stay attached to the physical body, she felt the Victorian gentleman was the spirit who was helped into the higher light vibration, the atmosphere of celebration was the Victorian gentleman, being welcomed into the higher realms of spirit, the gold building was the symbol of the spirit being raised from the grave. the teenage boy and girl in my dream were spirit helpers, sent to help me raise this spirit, myself in spirit form has a strong living physical earth vibration, and this was of use to spirit to help raise the spirit from the grave.
Think of my story what you will, it was all very real for me and at times very frightening, at the time of the three dreams I had not been taught to close down, and was being used by spirit to do rescue work, as was done with the Victorian gentleman, spiritualism and especially Berenice Watts gave me answers to questions, and helped me to understand and control what was happening to me, the one thing I learned from this, apart from spiritual protection is what we do in life, our thoughts emotions and actions echoe in eternity as above so below.
I have found myself at a tipping point in life, I have always done what I have done for self survival, it is the name of the game in this material world of ours, earning enough money to live and survive in this physical life, throughout my working life I have always taken jobs with low pay and long hours just to survive, and have earned a good living at the expense of my quality of life, and spiritual pathway life as always teaches lessons, the realisation that life is teaching me a lesson became most apparent at my latest job interview.
I recently went for a job as a security officer at a local shopping centre, presenting the interviewer with a CV that holds 28 years of experience, in different roles within the security industry, a few of them employed in retail security in uniform and as a store detective, and shopping centre security, so I felt I was well placed for the job role I was applying for, the interview to my mind did not go well, as the interviewer treated me as if I had not done security work before, and as if I was inherently stupid, asking me questions on what he had just said.
Realising that he was assuming because of the job role I was applying for, that I must be of low intelligence offended me, the hourly rate was not that great even by security industry standards, with no double pay for working bank holidays, my interviewer tried to impress on me how wonderful it was, that my maybe future employer would provide me with a uniform, that I did not have to pay for is this what the security industry has become I thought, as my interviewer described the daily routine of a security officer at the shopping centre, asking had I done this or that before, to be honest and this may sound very arrogant but I felt over qualified for the job role I was being interviewed for, my CV was there before him holding more than enough of the experience required for the job role, and my interviewer was treating me as if I had just landed at Heathrow, got my security badge and was applying for my first security job.
I left the interview very angry with the interviewer, because of the way I was treated, I felt that with my CV and experience that I should have been treated with more respect, also realising that he was rigidly sticking to the interview formula, set down by the company he works for, which is ok for people just coming into the security industry, but not for old campaigners like myself with 28 years of experience, having said all this the working hours for the job, would really fit in with my spiritual work and development, my interview experience got me thinking, do I really need to do this kind of work, and be treated like a slave amoeba.
The question keeps running through my mind, why do I keep running to these kind of jobs just to survive, surely just surviving is not quality of life, and is really not progressing towards my purpose in life, I now know that my purpose in life is to serve spirit, as a healer and medium, writer and poet, but alas my purpose does not pay the bills, my tipping point has given me a choice to either, do what I have always done to survive, or to focus on serving spirit full time, doing readings and demonstrations, giving spiritual guidance, the universe is saying to me the choice is yours, and it is a very scary choice to make as I have not the finances to support me, whilst I focus on and grow a spiritual business, as can be done in the new and evolving spiritual industry, but what can I do in the meantime, the answer is very clear, I must work in the material world to keep the roof over my head.
I am also grateful for the massive learning curve that I am now on, regret is no longer useful to me, thinking what if I had not left the spiritual pathway, there is a bigger realisation here, why did I never believe in myself, or realise my own self worth, but I cannot dwell on my lack of self belief or worth, in the past what matters is now, and what I do with lessons learned, the one thing I did learn from the interview is that I am worth more, the beauty of life is that we can manifest change from within at any point in our lives, and it is the inner change of self belief and worth that I now seek, and focussing on for the future, I have been used by spirit in the past, to help people love and believe in themselves, now once again it is time for me to practice what I preach.
Life is an open book and we all write in it’s pages, it is very important not to regret past mistakes, if we had taken a different road all this does is weigh us down, and hold us back from inner new beginnings and new life, I am told by others that I am talented, so time to focus on those talents and develop them as often as possible, and no more doing myself down with dead end jobs, with no chance of progression just to survive, I am also 58 years old so seeking out a career is pointless at my time of life, although I have had opportunities in the past to create a career, but dwelling on the past as I said is pointless, it is very important in life to work with what we have in life, rather than yearning for what we have not, we can do nothing with what we do not have, much better to focus on what we can become with what we have, I have mind and a reasonably healthy body, I have life, purpose, and love, I have talents to develop, thankyou job interview for making me realise life and future service needs me to be so much more.
But the lessons still needed to be learned, as I was still teetering on my tipping point, the point being how to balance my material and spiritual, and earn enough money to live on my finances are running low, I was worried about being able to meet my financial commitments, 31/07/18 I had a second interview for a supermarket home delivery service, which meant going on a delivery run with the supervisor, delivering shopping to peoples doors and a driving assessment, the supervisor is a friendly chap we got on well and the interview went well, I had passed all assessments, the supervisor told me he had other interviews, and let me know the following Monday 06/08/18 if I had been successful or not, but the hourly rate was not good, and the hours offered meant I would not earn enough to make a living, so I would have to turn down the job if offered it, I got the call but was unsuccessful in my application, as my customer service skills were not as strong as other candidates.
All of this with my financial worries made me feel very low, but I had to pull myself together, as I was doing a demonstration of mediumship, at The Divine Spark Centre in Bredhurst Kent, 01/08/18 my girlfriend Veronica drove me to the centre, as my car has a water leak, The Centre is run by my best friend Marina Rawlings and her colleague Mandy Lafferty, I wanted to have a good strong connection to spirit that evening, as I was honoured to be serving my best friends centre, reminding myself that it is my purpose in life, to serve spirit as a healer and medium, as I sat there alone waiting for the demonstration to start, rising above my worries and woes to raise my vibration, to be able to communicate with spirit, I got a strong image within my minds eye, of the face of an elderly man with rugged weather beaten features, white/grey hair brushed back balding on top long white/grey side burns, with a determined look on his face, there had been a lot of talk of spiritual activity at the centre, so I thought this spirit is just passing through but he remained with me.
I started the demonstration and it was going well with a strong connection to spirit, in the audience there was a young friend of Marina’s, who Marina had told me before the demonstration that her friends mother was very ill, I was very drawn to this young lady, and she had a very strong native American guide who wished to speak to her, but I was holding back as I did not want what I already knew, to stain the link with the spirit guide, nor did I want to blurt out publicly anything the spirit guide wished to say about her mother, as I strongly felt that this would be to private for the young lady to share publicly, the native American spirit guide gave me symbolic images, of what life was like for the young lady I interpreted the images for her, and she was accepting the message, but I did feel a bit of a fraud as I had prior knowledge of this young ladies life. then the old weather beaten man who I saw before the demonstration, popped up in my minds eye, he told me he was the young ladies grandfather, I told the young lady I had her grandfather on her fathers side of the family with her, I felt strongly he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, as he was showing me a cement mixer, he was also impressing on me the dark green cardigan he always used to wear, I described him to her she smiled I could see him lent over her as she sat there, with his hands on her shoulders, her grandfather passed on a message of love to her, via me that he was there to support her and the rest of her family through this difficult time.
After the demonstration the young lady came to me, she was delighted with her message from her grandfather, she told me my description of him was spot on, that he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, and her grandad was always there to support and comfort family in troubled times, and that her and her father were dealing with her mothers illness, alone as other family had seemed to step back from them, but she was very happy that her grandad had communicated, and proved to her that he was still with them and supporting them, she also told me her father was a non believer in life after death, but she would tell him of her message from her grandad.
Myself and the lovely Marina Rawlings at The Divine Spark Centre 01/08/18
My link with spirit and the whole demonstration, especially the message to the young lady from her grandad, had given me the inner upliftment that I needed at that time, and reminded me of how very blessed I am to be a channel for spirit, I decided not to allow myself to get low about my present predicament, and felt a bit daft as I am a great believer in the power of positive thinking, and how the power of thought can bring to us what we want or need in life, the next day 02/08/18 I said to Veronica something wonderful is going to happen today, it is a magical day and I live a magical and abundant life, Veronica looked at me as if I had jumped out of a Jamboree bag, but my thoughts and intentions were set.
We had breakfast and I went online to seek work and apply for jobs, I applied for a couple of security jobs that I had applied for previously, but hey ho I thought no harm in applying again, around 11 am I got a phone call from a security recruitment company, he said you sent me your cv this morning, you have a strong security background, I have two jobs in mind for you can I discuss them with you, I said yes certainly, both jobs were for a leading national security company, both jobs 4 on 4 off on a rolling basis, one a night mobile driver locking and unlocking sites and doing site patrols, the other was still mobile but driving to a well known store in various locations, spending a couple of hours in each of them providing a security presence and deterrent to store thieves, I told the caller I had experience in both roles, although he advised me I could only apply for one of the jobs, so I picked the night mobile job, he asked if he could send my cv to the company I agreed he could, and asked if I would be available next day for interview at 11 am, I told him I would be available.
Around 30 minutes later the recruitment consultant called me back, saying the security company wanted to see me for interview the next day, I accepted the offer of an interview and agreed to attend the interview, my day had turned around just by positive thinking and setting sincere intentions, I was jumping for joy as I told Veronica of my good fortune, I was very uplifted but the job had not been won yet, and I was hoping that my interviewer was old school security like myself, and not like the chrome new boy who interviewed me at the shopping centre.
I realised that the time and date of the interview was very powerful, spiritually and universally, three being the most powerful number in the universe, and eleven being a angel number, for letting go of the past and focussing on and working towards our goals, so on 03/08/18 at 11 am I attended the security company for interview, my interviewer a friendly no nonsense sort of guy, told me about the job we talked about my relevant experience for the job, he told me he has been working in the security industry nearly as long as I have, the look on his face told me he knew he couldn’t, give me any of the new corperate security industry bullshit I had experienced in previous interviews, he said look I am going to offer you a job, I have three jobs I want to talk you about, but you can only pick one, mobile relief, mobile retail days, mobile nights, I picked the mobile retail job as it was days, it would be a better work life balance for my relationship with Veronica, he took my uniform sizes and my bank details for wages, I am just waiting for vetting to go through and I can start work, and I am very much looking forward to my new role, as I will be able to earn enough money to live on, and have time to focus on and progress with my spiritual, all came right in the end with positive thinking and focus on my goals, although I did not want to work in the security industry anymore, I know this job and it fits in with the life I wish to lead.
During the past two weeks the universe has been sending me a very strong message, in quotes that I have read and movies that I have watched several times a day, telling me to practice what I preach, to believe in myself and focus and work hard towards my goals, I know this is not easy, when we feel low about ourselves and our future prospects, I have learned this past two weeks, to rise above my woes and focus on my goals, as I do when I communicate with spirit, our doubts about ourselves and our prospects become a real burden, stopping us from focussing on our goals or what we need to achieve daily, by rising above our doubts believing that everyday is wonderful and magical, using that energy to focus on and work towards our material/spiritual goals, and knowing that every setback is there to teach us something, and guide us to our greatest and highest good, so lets not be down about our setbacks learn from them, and use them as a springboard for the future, I am grateful for the lesson and finally practising what I am preaching.
In 1979 I was sitting for spiritual development, in Berenice Watts general development circle, a regular visitor to our circle was a oriental spirit guide named Li, who would communicate teaching in trance via his channel Ian Watts, one evening he was speaking to us of the importance, of an open mind in spiritual development, as he said one lesson leads to another lesson until we reach the greater whole of the lesson, anything that appears to be unbelievable to us or just plain silly, we should not discard as something may come along later that will make sense, of what we first thought of as unbelievable or stupid.
I was asked today to do a private trance demo for a couple of people, who are enquiring into the truth of spirit communication, I was told that one of them is very sceptical about spirit communication, my reply was as long as myself and spirit were not mocked during the demonstration, and they both follow the rules of trance communication, and that they both keep an open mind, I would agree to channel spirit for them in trance, my reply got me thinking of spirit guide Li’s teaching way back in 1979, to me scepticism is ignorance because many who are sceptical of spirit communication, have not actually explored the truth of spirit communication, and dismiss the very notion of spirit communication as soon as it is mentioned.
Place yourself for one moment in my shoes, I like many people have been aware of spirit all my life, I work an everyday job to provide for myself in a material world, living and working with spirit is the norm for me and many others, to be ridiculed for what I know to be the truth is at times very hurtful, so please accept that myself and people like me are living our truth, I accept that there are people who have visited a medium or church service, and not got the required result but please keep enquiring the truth will come, I myself have been involved in spiritualism since 1978, and demonstrating mediumship on platform in spiritualist churches since 1983, in all that time I have received 3 pure evidential messages from my loved ones in spirit, from other mediums and yet I have given hundreds of messages to others, from spirit yet my knowledge of life everlasting and spirit communication, is as solid and true as it has always been, please ponder that simple truth for one moment.
Many people who sit for spiritual development, are focussed on becoming mediums, because it is more the glam side of what we who serve spirit do, but there are many ways of serving spirit, my spirit guides keep reminding me that I am a healer, and encourage me more and more to be a channel for healing, which I do when the opportunity arises, or send out absent healing for those in need and for our world, I feel very strongly to say that in whatever way we serve spirit, it is all about healing and bringing upliftment ,in one form or another to whoever needs it, so for all those who are sitting for spiritual development, please be mindful of where your spirit guides are taking you on your journey, and follow that path for they see the bigger picture, please do not waste time and energy trying to develop something that is not meant for you, if you follow the path of spirit guidance in future service, you will be fulfilling your purpose here on this earth plane, I myself must be mindful of where spirit guidance is leading me to learn and serve, as I wish to fulfill my purpose in life.
An open mind is not only important for spiritual development, to learn how to communicate with spirit and channel spirit teaching and energy, but is very important in life, as with spiritual development in life we are developing ourselves, to become better versions of ourselves, by this I am not talking of material wealth, I am talking of leading the best life we possibly can by living our truth, we on this earth plane are way to conditioned into being worker ants, for the corperations and banks, this is the norm we are conditioned to get married reproduce buy a house and one day pass away, this is the material norm how often have I heard people say, I wish I could do this or that, but I cannot because I have to pay for this or that, there is a bigger picture in life, and life has so many possibilities and infinite equations, to life please never say never, live and be the life you want to live in the best possible way, your open mind will guide you beyond your dreams.
To dwell within the moment is fine living, within the moment my mind awakens alive in yesteryear, to the people who I love and have passed away in time, sunshine on leafy trees with gentle breeze, aware my heart with all its love, to know that I was loved, but knowing in the now yesteryear has passed, but the love still remains,of all the people I love who have passed away in time.
I saw a white horse today making me aware of its presence, is this a sign of future or tests passed, white horse you are the bridge between physical and spiritual, a bridge that I must cross, to reach greater understanding of my service, to help those in spirit to cross the bridge, and communicate their truth with us here on earth, white horse are you a unicorn I feel you are, but can see no horn I become aware that you have the heart of a unicorn, guiding the way for healing between earth and sky, may I find humility and focus to be the bridge between earth and sky.
I have currently been undergoing a massive life change, I have moved in with my girlfriend Veronica, so what you may think but after 8 years of single life, this was a massive step for me, to make a commitment to live forever with a lady, with the possibility of it all going horribly wrong, was very scary for me as I had become very comfortably single, and had created a very nice life for myself, having said all this with my spiritual knowledge I know that life is all about change, whether it be positive or negative change, it somehow guides the flow of life.
It has been said to me that it takes a lot of guts to do what I have done, especially with no job as I have moved areas as well as homes, yes I have taken a leap of faith that all will be well, I cannot live in the past with memories of all my failed relationships and dead end jobs, holding me back from any possibility of change or growth, life for me or anyone would just stagnate, I have now come into the simple realisation that the meaning of life is to live it, quite simply with all its trials and trap doors, we cannot be held back by past hurts that evolve into fears, tarring all newcomers into our lives with the same brush.
Life is a great teacher and we must be aware of the lessons life is teaching us, not only about what others did to us, and how angry bitter and twisted it has made us, but what in fact we were doing to life to create all these disasterous situations, for ourselves I have learned much over the last 8 years and finally listened to my teacher life, my spiritual knowledge tells me that we create our lives from within, which I know to be true, why are we so needy for love we will fall for the first handsome or pretty face, or those who promise to love us forever who end up using and abusing us, it is first and foremost the most important thing is to love ourselves, for how can we be loved by another if we cannot love ourselves.
By loving ourselves we discover what is acceptable or unacceptable to us, and we can use it as a guide to all newcomers into our lives, from past relationships we learn exactly what we don’t want, so if a handsome or pretty newcomer comes into our lives, protesting there eternal undying love and affection for us, but they start to display the things we don’t want or like, then we can keep our distance from them, relationships just like life are in a state of evolution, take time to get to know the newcomer, see if they truly live up to there words and our expectations of them, myself and Veronica have been together 11 months now, and we have worked through our fears and come together, we evolved through being truthful to each other and love, yes love is also honesty and truth, and through that honesty and truth and self love, we can become who we truly are life is about change and growth the only way we can achieve it, is to live a full life make or break to live and speak our truth through an open heart, life is the greatest journey of all let us not be bound by the past, but explorers of our undiscovered selves and life with the many many things in life to discover within ourselves and all the possibilities to create.
There is no greater altar than your heart, churches and temples are reflections of heart and mind, ascended master teachings and symbolic icons are focus for heart and mind, in a physical world of human consciousness, life and creation is the religion of the soul, Love connects heart and mind, to all creation let love be the power and teaching of heart and mind.
As a spiritualist healer and medium, I know that we are all guided and that guidance is all around us, if we can lift our consciousness enough to be aware, of the guiding thoughts, synchronicities, messages, that are within and around us daily, from the universe and spirit as all things and everything is connected in creation, we as humankind have turned our back on creation, we have polluted or destroyed much of our mother earth, for our own need for survival and gain we take but we do not give back, do we not realise that all that made earth and sky created us to.
We are a miniscule spark of a beautiful creation on a personal level this is a totally amazing realisation, and I stand in awe of creation I cannot truly put the emotion into words, we as the collective human race need to realise this simple truth fast, not only our connectedness to mother earth and all life on earth, but to each other and be aware that through the life giving force of creation we are all brothers and sisters, not nationalities, religions, or colour, we are brothers and sisters, this truth should bring us all together, not divide us we are divided by our need to be tribal a herd animal that follows it’s leader, coupled with a need for power which empowers greed, no wonder the world is in the state it is in today.
My spirit guides feel that spiritualists are moving away from the teachings of spiritual life, to the mechanics of spirit communication and channeling energy, spirit are trying to tell us more than ever, to attune our hearts, minds, thoughts, and actions to love, in truth we are here individually and collectively to learn how to love, not only each other but ourselves to, many people over the years have said to me that they do not love themselves, how can we love life or another person if we cannot love ourselves, walking a spiritual pathway is not easy as we have to practice what we learn and preach, we have to live a spiritual way of life in a material world from within and without through our actions, I am not preaching as 8 years ago I was a mental and spiritual mess, when spirit called me back into service my spirit guide Red Cloud, told me in no uncertain terms I would have to practice what I had been preaching, if I wanted to heal and come back into service this was the best advice to give me at the time, as I developed on my journey living and speaking my truth with love, kindness, and compassion through a open heart, my life has become content, at peace with myself, and magical in creation.
Evidential Mediumship can teach us nothing but what we already know, but does bring upliftment when we are connected via a medium to our loved ones in spirit, all things are born from creation and it is through creation within and without, that we become what we are meant to be or not, through our choices creation is life a beautiful gift we have been bestowed with, and we should individually and collectively learn and grow through the way of life on creations path, then we individually and collectively become attuned to all that created earth and sky, this is by far the higher realm of consciousness that spirit wish us to seek out, evidence of survival after death only takes us to the first step, the journey of learning, becoming, and being, is eternal let us seek more and walk as far as we can, rather than making a rut for ourselves going no further than the first step.
It is in this great comprehensive school of life here on mother earth, where we do our learning, we are all in our different classrooms as we are all on varying levels of understanding, people ask why there is so much cruelty in the world, it is because of our varying levels of understanding, there are those who choose to be selfish and arrogant, there are those who will get what they need at any cost, no matter who or what they hurt, and people who choose to live there life through violence to achieve there goals, there are religions who try to push there way of thinking on us, the teachings of spirit tell us to treat these people with love, kindness, and compassion, through our way of life to help raise there level of consciousness to love, spirituality has taught me to at times to step onto the back foot into the moment when I am angry, to realise the great peace that is all around us within the moment, and the understanding and awareness that comes with peace, once a work colleague had made me very angry by his sarcastic and ignorant words, placing himself above me and my station in life, I came home raging with anger, and in that moment I realised I was only hurting myself, as the emotion of anger was ripping me emotionally apart, my thoughts of anger towards my work colleague were incredibly low negative and violent, I realised that I was sending out bursts of negative energy, to my work colleague which would be harmful to him, and really taking my whole vibration to a very low and dark place, within the peace of the moment I realised he was only speaking to me from his own level of understanding, I also realised I did not know what kind of a day he was having, what had caused him to be so nasty I did not know, this made me step into my peace and truth within the moment, letting go of the anger that is so harmful to myself, allowing my thought and vibration to raise, but to send him love and understanding and ask for him to receive guidance out of his own negativity, and me putting my own spirit teachings into action, by learning how to love we have to learn how to forgive, as I said the spiritual pathway is not an easy path to walk, but very necessary for our personal and collective evolution.
This blog is based on a inspired address from my spirit guides, I gave at Uxbridge Spiritualist Church Hinton Road, 29/04/18 as I truly believe one lesson leads into lesson until we reach the greater whole and so on, my Dad has been very close to me in spirit, as there are great and positive changes happening for me in my personal life, as I walked out onto the platform that Sunday night, the organist was playing How Great Thou Art, which is my Dads favourite hymn I thought “thanks Dad” as I sat down to prepare for the divine service that evening, I also felt so truly loved knowing that my Dad was so close to me at this time, I thought the first verse of this hymn is about creation, that is when my spirit guides stepped in to inspire me with the address, as I was about to round off the inspired address, my spirit guides stepped closer to me and said “tell them to live each moment in life with love” Thankyou for Reading.
Pic 1, the prayer of St Francis of Assisi, to me is the true meaning of being a channel for spirit, and gives us so much to learn.
Pic 2, The Desiderata was the reading given at the service.
Perhaps my life so far has been just a dream, my dream ebbs away into yesterday as I become conscious of the new day, a heart without hurt, a mind without torment, a soul without regret, is surely a miraculous thing as the morning sun heralds in a new day, as I awaken to this new dawn serene in heart and mind, what about my lady is she just a dream, my heart fills with loving warmth as I contemplate the dream, my heart knowing she is my love today and everyday.
My thoughts conspire a new invention to live life as a lucid dream,for the future is the undiscovered country for me to explore, and create with calm mind and good heart, no longer just a dream but a garden of creation as Eden once fabled was, the apple bitten the snake defied, I can now journey on my path with love as my guide.
It is the second anniversary of starting my life changing diet, and over a year from writing about my diet, and the mindfulness needed to diet, I have maintained my weight loss for fourteen months, I feel it is important to write about and discuss maintaining weight loss, as now I have discovered that maintaining weight loss at times, is actually tougher than dieting, like many people I have successfully lost weight a few times in my life, but always put that weight back on which to me seems to make the object of dieting pointless, and can lead to a lack of self worth, but due to my diabetes 2, it is very important for me to maintain my weight loss, to stay healthy and promote my quality of life, my obesity also put me at high risk of a heart attack or stroke, this fact has also helped me to focus on my weight loss and the maintenance of my weight loss.
The lesson is now learned how very important our personal health is, especially for the quality of life we can expect for ourselves, as we get older I will be 58 years old in May 2018, the fact is obesity especially in later years can be the cause of illness that we would not have, if we had maintained a healthy lifestyle and diet, by focussing on my personal health and wellbeing, it gave me the necessary momentum to create the mindfulness (willpower), needed to diet and lose weight and maintain my weight loss, our bodies are our vehicle in this life do we not maintain our cars, to keep them running for as long as possible, we must apply the same principle to our bodies, by being mindful of what we put into our bodies, and what foods are going to help our bodies, run smoothly throughout our lives, please do not be ignorant like myself and just think our symptoms, aches, and pains the things we can no longer do are just down to age, since losing my weight my symptoms, aches, and pains have lessened to a degree, that I can physically do so much more with a lot more energy.
Maintaining weight loss is for me all about balance, between a healthy diet and the naughty treats I can enjoy along the way, I was shocked when I first read the do not haves on the diabetes 2 sheet, it was everything I love to eat, but after months of abstinence until I reached my weight goal, I can now enjoy a weekly naughty treat, dieting and weight loss and maintenance of said weight loss, is not all doom and gloom as long as we can set our goals, and work towards achieving them, below I will list five tips that have helped me to diet and maintain my weight loss.
1, Be mindful of what you are eating, you know your body your likes and dislikes, better than anyone else, look at healthy alternatives to what you are eating, that you also enjoy eating.
2, Weigh yourself weekly so you can monitor your weight on a +/- scale, so you can plan your next week’s food shop, and whether a naughty treat can be had,
3, excersise is also very important to diet and maintenance of weight loss, it does not mean you have to go to the gym doing exhausting work outs, making us more tempted to visit the cake shop, walking is the best calorie burner known to man, walk when you can rather than drive, walk for recreation to, in the park or along a river walking is so good for heart and mind, it really promotes wellbeing on all levels.
4, Allow yourself one naughty treat a week, but keep to a healthy diet and excersise when you can for the other six days, this works for me as I have a very slow metabolism but we are all different, so factor in your naughty treat when it is right for you.
5, I love to drink alcohol but it is also very fattening and a depressant, so I keep my alcohol consumption to a minimum, to help me diet and promote my mental wellbeing, it is up to you how much alcohol you consume, but by being mindful of how much we drink, can help us in dieting and maintenance of weight loss, and give us a much clearer and calmer head to tackle our daily lives.
Thankyou for reading Blessings to you on your life journey.
Destiny and fate the two big questions in life that I have often dismissed with freewill, I have always believed whatever way you go in life you will reach the destiny you have created, and that will become your fate yes freewill is choice and through choice we engineer our lives, my life is going through some big changes right now, yes I am making my choices but somehow I feel it is all guided, which makes me feel very blessed I live within the realisation, that spirit can see the big picture that we cannot possibly see, from our limited perception of time and space, do spirit extrapolate possible outcomes from our choices, and gently guide us to the best possible outcome, often through our own freewill we choose to ignore guidance from spirit, but what I do know is that spirit gently guide us through heart and mind.
For spirit guidance to be successful our hearts and minds must be flowing with the natural flow of life, not with everyone else’s natural flow but our own, this is why we should truly seek who and what we are meant to be, not from the external world but from heart and mind, with spiritualism I had found my niche in life, and serving spirit gave me an identity and a completeness, I had found my true self but mistakenly I wanted to be like everyone else, because I felt alone felt different from everyone else and in the public eye, is a very lonely place so off I went in search of a “normal” life, and to be honest failed miserably by being what I am not, over the coming years my spiritual service faded to virtually nothing, just a few services a year and the odd friend or stranger that my spiritual awareness could be of use to.
Autumn 2008 I found myself in a big rut I was living with my girlfriend, all I was doing was working and paying bills, my spiritual work was virtually non existent, I was lost going nowhere fast, I looked up to the sky opened my heart and mind, and said “Angels please help me find my purpose in life, let me fulfill my purpose in life, I know I was meant for more than this”. In hindsight now I know that my prayer was answered, looking back everything I did not need was taken away from me, people, places, which allowed me to become aware and develop my inner self and life purpose, on a spiritual pathway.
When I first moved into my flat 23/07/10 it was due to my girlfriend, going out to a nice italian restaurant for dinner, with the wealthy husband of a elderly and sick lady she was caring for, in her job as a carer in a care home we had a big argument about it, I was very angry with her as I was paying off the debt collection agencies, who were pursuing her for unpaid bills, aswell as supporting the home we lived in along with my own finances, it left me little or no money for myself I was working very long hours just to survive, having said all this I still loved her very much, you may think of me as being very foolish, as I have always believed in the power of love, it was through my belief in love that I managed to woo her back to me, in hindsight this was a big mistake as she was only luring me back for my paycheque, the power of love can only work if the love is genuinly felt on both sides, we talked alot and I truly thought she could see the error of her ways, and was going to change we lived apart whilst I saved some money. Christmas Day 2010 I found myself drunk and alone, sitting on my bed in my flat after a big argument and break up with my girlfriend, her parting shot was that I would die a very lonely old man, that remark really stuck in my guts, but it has since inspired me to be the best that I can be, I thought to myself I cannot carry on like this things must change.
Through my drunken mind my native American spirit guide Red Cloud, managed to tell me not to forget that I am a healer and medium, and that I should get back to being what I truly am and serve spirit, everything else had failed especially in my relationships, and working long hours as a security officer on a zero hour contract, things definitely needed to change, the thought of going back into spiritual service was a real light bulb moment for me, I had often foolishly raged at people for not seeing me as I am, and had been when in truth they could only see what I had become, the truth being I was now a total mess, I remembered the feeling I got when spirit uplifted someone through my mediumship, the travel and some of the lovely and deeply spiritual people I had met along the way, the friendships that I had made and the respect that myself and my spirit team had earned.
In that moment spirit had become my lighthouse, I was a ship on a mental and spiritual stormy sea trying to navigate my way home, mainly due to my anger with myself and the narcissistic relationships I had been in, and the lies that had been told, Red Cloud again came to me and said you need to practice what you preach and find yourself again, if you wish to improve your life and serve us again, I reminded myself that the spiritual path is a way of life, a way of life that nurtures not only ourselves but all we come into contact with, and at the time I very much needed a path to follow and a different way of life to what I had been living.
My Native American Spirit Guide Red Cloud
The next day boxing Day 2010 hungover I had to pull myself together quickly, as I was working a 12 hour security day shift at Fujitsu in Bracknell, I was very upset over my relationship break up, and was foolishly missing her over a period of time I began to realise, that my ex girlfriend had given me my life back which is a sacred gift, I now had the power to create the kind of life I wanted and needed to live, this compensated for the fact that she needed my paycheque more than she ever needed me, another realisation that was painful but taught me a great lesson, that there are people out there who will feign love, to meet there material needs it still amazes me that people can stoop that low, love speaks and is understood in actions not just words, from that day on I started to pull my mental and spiritual act together, by inwardly and outwardly practising what I preach, I started to pray for the first time in years, and send out absent healing.
In early January 2011 I felt very drawn to go to Slough Spiritualist Church, so I went along to the clairvoyance evening they have there on a Wednesday night, as it made sense as I was now beginning to walk a spiritual pathway again, to go back to where my spiritual pathway had begun, I received a warm welcome picked up my song book and found myself a seat, I really felt like the prodigal son going back there, I wondered how the people I knew at Slough back in the day, would think of me seeing the mess I had become, the realisation of this saddened me but I only had myself to blame for what I had become, as I sat there I realised it was 28 years near enough to the day, that I first served Slough Spiritualist Church as a medium, and it made me wonder where I would be spiritually, if I had not walked away from the spiritual path.The medium that evening was Nigel Townsend and it was good to see that he had a strong connection with spirit, and he was giving some very good evidential and uplifting messages from spirit, he came to me telling me my nan and granddad were with me, this was odd as nan and granddad had never come together before, they had always given me messages separately and never had come together, “I’m in for a rollocking I thought” Nigel described my grandparents to me and then gave me the message from them, describing my mental and spiritual state and the ups and downs I had been going through, Nigel shook his head and said to me ” I don’t know why your grandparents are calling you this, but they are calling you the ghost whisperer and laughing” and they are telling you to leave the past in the past and carry on, I knew exactly what my grandparents had meant by calling me the ghost whisperer, I chuckled to myself and thought little do you know Nigel, but my nan and granddads words gave me great encouragement, to follow my spiritual pathway, I was very humbled that spirit were calling me back to service, and I was determined to become the best possible healer and medium I could become.
Spiritual Medium Nigel Townsend at Slough Spiritualist Church
Although my break up with my girlfriend was percieved by myself as a very negative time, I was very lonely I was used to people being around when I got home, and yes I missed the company of a woman, and tried online dating to get back in the saddle, my facebook friends told me it was way to soon to be looking for a new relationship, and they were right as I was mentally and emotionally not ready for a new relationship, I realised I would have to let go of the past, with all its trials and hurt, and love myself for who I am if I was to move forward and to be prepared for what life has to offer, I was actually taking the first steps of a journey of transformation, that would lead to self discovery and the greatest lesson ever to live and speak my truth through an open heart.
I became friends with a beautiful soul and very gifted lady, Jane Lorraine Goodman who works and serves with Angels and spirit, who I believe was sent by the Angels to help me to see the errors of my ways, and to help me to focus and prepare myself for the new pathway, the Angels were opening up for me and I had to change my ways, as I was still drinking and smoking way to much, my drinking was reinforcing my negativity and keeping me in a dark place, lowering my vibration and smoking was clogging my etheric field, drinking heavily and smoking were making it very difficult for Angels and spirit to communicate with me, I remember one evening Jane came to visit me, I was drunk and babbling on about my love for Shakespeare, and that I would love to take her to a Shakespeare play, as Jane stomped out of my door she said to me “you wont be able to take me anywhere you will be to drunk” I shouted back to her “I will show you”, I know Jane felt at the time that I was not listening to her, but believe me I was listening to every word she said, by talking to Jane it was helping me to grieve over and understand the past, and a good injection of common sense from Jane which I very much needed, it was also good to be able to talk a fellow medium, who would understand where I was coming from, Jane text me not long after she walked out of my flat, to tell me she was backing away from me as she felt she was becoming a crutch for me, this I understood and the best thing she could have done at the time, as I very much needed to stand on my own two feet mentally and emotionally, it felt strange even lonely not having Jane around to talk to, I remembered my words to show her that I could change and make something of myself, and become what I am meant to be Jane always told me I have a beautiful heart, so I set about healing my heart living and speaking my truth through my heart, also becoming the kind and compassionate being that I am, cutting back on alcohol and cigarettes helped very much in this process not only my physical, mental, and spiritual, health I was also gaining a stronger and much clearer connection to Angels and spirit, a year went by and I bought two tickets to see A Midsummer Nights Dream, at Regents Park Open Air Theatre in London, I phoned Jane and invited her to come and see A Midsummer Nights Dream with me, I was very happy that she accepted my invitation, as we sat there in the theatre awaiting the play to start I turned to her and said “I told you I would take you to see a shakespeare play” she laughed and she said so you were listening, it was a wonderful performance myself and Jane had a lovely evening, we remain friends to this day I will forever be indebted to Jane, for helping me and guiding me on my path, Jane will forever be my Angel Lady.
The Lovely Jane Lorraine Goodman My Angel Lady
from my talks with Jane I was very conscious that I should not be making the same mistakes again, especially where women were concerned and not getting myself into another narcissistic relationship, it meant not repeating my old behaviours in other words, seeking sex and not thinking of the consequences of sex, and being lured into a relationship by where I would fulfill one need or another, when the need had been fulfilled whether it be protection or money I was cast aside when someone better came along or I had run out of money, which made me very angry and bitter, I had to let go of all past hurts and let go of the misconceptions of myself I had built up over the years, I was no longer the peoples medium of yesteryear, In fact my awareness to spirit had dropped significantly, although still doing a few services a year, the standard of my mediumship had dropped to a unacceptable level, so I had to go back to being myself I am naturally a big softy, and whatever anyone says about mediumship, the foremost upmost important thing is love and compassion within the heart, without it we cannot attune properly to spirit as they vibrate on pure unconditional love, or be of service to spirit for all so I had to let go of all the geezer hard man bullshit, of some of my less than savoury work on the door or frontline security.
I had asked God Angels and Guides to guide me to my purpose, and to help me live my purpose, I realised that everything I didn’t need was stripped or being stripped away from me, the angels were testing me presenting me with conditions, to see how I would react to them, to see if I would react with anger, or mix with the type of people I had mixed with before, and repeat old behaviours would I continue drinking, in other words was I letting go of the past, and behaviours in heart and mind that did not serve my greater good, once I realised I was being tested it helped me to focus on my greater good, to become what I am truly meant to be and made the process of letting go of all past hurts so much easier, to be honest I cannot blame the divine being for testing me as so much, was being invested in me for future service, if their is one thing that I have learned over the past eight years, is that life is a state of heart and mind, their is a teaching that everything comes when it is the right time, little do we realise that we have to be right in heart and mind, before anything can come of benefit to our greater good, or the lessons will keep coming to guide us to our greater good, so I say to all be true to yourselves and life, fill your hearts with love and compassion let go of the anger and bitterness of the past, spiritual development is not an easy pathway to walk and it is certainly not for the weak in heart and mind, although we all have the potential to become more enlightened and happier.
The last few years have been a great journey of self discovery, and spiritual development for me, and there have been so many blessings along the way, in service and in friendships old and new, and I can see and have been told by fellow mediums, how spirit engineered getting me out of a toxic way of life, and back onto the spiritual pathway of service and development, fast forwarding to today in 2018 whilst I am not doing the 100+ services a year, I once did and hoped to do again my service to spirit and mediumship has changed, people now come to me for spiritual guidance and healing, I teach spiritual development and still do some platform demonstrations, give private readings and are doing more transfiguration and trance demonstrations, I also started this blog because people wanted to know how I lost weight, and through this blog I share my journey and spiritual teaching, along with all this I have realised that I need to give spirit more time to work through me, my work as a security officer had to go as it took up way to much of my time, I have secured a job working 37.5 hours a week which is as good as semi retirement for me, and it gives me and spirit the time to work together.
I believe change however perceived, positive or negative is an opportunity to grow, today 11/05/18 I gave my letting agent notice to end my tenancy on my flat, as I am moving away from Slough, to live and share life with my soulmate Veronica, as soon as I sent the email I felt a sense of loss and letting go, over the past 8 years living here at my flat I realised my flat had become my chrysalis, from broken man to emerging from my chrysalis a transformed man, for me, where I have conquered my demons regained my self worth, found peace in my heart and life, beaten diabetes 2 and maintaining healthy weight loss, and growing spiritually, 23/06/18 I am now living with my lovely girlfriend Veronica, I am also training for my PVC licence with a bus company life is good.
Wondering how to write about my 37 years of service to spirit, I cannot remember everything in chronological order, but I have many memories, and often find myself relaying those memories to others, by saying I will tell you a story, a story that fits in with the conversation at the time, and hopefully inspires and teaches at the same time, so now with this blog I will relay to you my memories, and I really hope you enjoy reading my story.
During my time of sitting in development circle and attending Slough Spiritualist Church, there were a few people who would encourage me, on my spiritual pathway as a developing healer and medium, but there were also a few who saw me as a complete upstart, due to my young age and inexperience of life, there was a lot of talk about me some to my face and some behind my back, as to my suitability to become a platform medium, and unfortunately some would speak unkindly about me to the demonstrating medium that evening, two mediums I remember in particular were Marjorie Nolan and Mrs Weekes, Marjorie Nolan said to me one evening from the platform, that I was not spiritually gifted at all and maybe in 10 years time, I maybe able to pick up a glimmer of something from spirit, and to stop wasting spirits energy, and that I would never be good enough to work on the platform, the church was full everyone looking at me as she tore my character and my personality to shreds, with a very smug looking Frank the church president smirking at me, I was 19 years old and I felt totally decimated when I left the church that evening, Mrs Weekes was just plain horrid to me on and off the platform, one time outside of the church, she asked me my star sign, I told her my star sign was Gemini, she then ripped into me telling me all that was negative about being a Gemini, the real dark side of the star sign and she told me that the dark side of Gemini was me.
One evening I walked into church and sitting in the foyer, was the lovely medium Mrs Brotherton, a medium who always demonstrated with a lot of humour, as her spirit guides would always show her pies and sausages floating above peoples heads, Frank the church president was arguing with a lady about me, saying that I would never make a platform medium, the lady arguing in my defence saying how would you know he has a lot of life ahead of him, I did not know what to say so I went into the church and sat down, although I was angry with Frank for talking about me in that way, during the demonstration of mediumship Mrs Brotherton came to me with a message from spirit, telling me I was very gifted and one day a door would open, and all my gifts would be waiting for me, and many people would come to watch and listen to me, and through the gifts of spirit great teaching healing and upliftment would be given through me, I was obviously over the moon with the message, I had received from spirit as it was a endorsement of my spiritual pathway, and service to spirit, also wiping the smug smirk off Frank’s face was pure gold, although 39 years later I have not reached the state of development that spirit spoke of that night, I live in the knowledge that life is a process of spiritual development, and all will come at the right time if I continue to develop, so I say to all young and old know in your heart that you wish to serve spirit, stay within your truth and go as far as spirit wish to take you, I knew within my own heart that I had found my niche in life, and serving spirit from the platform was something that I was going to do, no amount of criticism was going to deter me from my purpose and pathway.
In 1982 I had not sat for spiritual development for 2 years, my spirit guides were constantly saying to me, “We want to work through you on the platform” this nagging went on and on, until finally I gave up and said to them “OK I GIVE UP YOU WIN, I WILL WORK ON THE PLATFORM, BUT IF I MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT.” And I started writing to local churches, offering myself to serve their churches on the platform. As I had not opened to spirit for a couple of years, except to send out absent healing , or channel healing in the healing sanctuary, I needed to re establish my link with spirit, so I joined a open development circle, at Slough Spiritualist Church. The circle was run by a guy called Harry and his lady wife, I have never liked open circles as I feel they are dangerous, because people can come and go on a weekly basis, so the energies change, a lot because of this also you don’t know what level of spirit people are bringing in with them, but this open circle had a few regular sitters, so it should be ok to sit, and attune my mediumship with spirit again.
We sat typically male female next to each other, to balance the energies the idea being, that the male energy would protect the female energy, if a lower form spirit got into the circle. I was sat next to a young lady named Sue, every week she would bring through in trance, a spirit claiming to be Mary Queen of Scots. But something did not feel right with this spirit, so I went along to Langley Library, and researched the life of Mary Queen of Scots, now armed with the necessary information, I went along to open circle to check this spirit out, but methinks this spirit was one step ahead of me, and was aware of my plans to check her or it out. As we sat I spoke to the spirit, as it was coming through Sue in trance, Sue’s head was turned to face me, her eyes were big and jet black her face contorted with anger, the vibration of rage, became stronger and stronger in the room. As this spirit was moving Sue’s head to look at other sitters, the spirit seemed to be linking with other sitters, because as soon as she had looked at them, the sitters were overcome by a strong feeling of nausea, a couple of people started vomiting.
My breathing got deeper and deeper, it was my Zulu guide Zangu, starting to come through me in trance, I was very happy for Zangu to come through, and allowed him to do so, as I had no idea of how to get rid of this evil spirit. Through me in trance Zangu, cut the energy lines between the evil spirit and the sitters, people were starting to recover, then Zangu turned me towards Sue and the evil spirit, and channeling very powerful energy through me, looking out of myself I could see lots of different coloured, beams of light shooting out of me, reds, yellows, blues, coming from me and into Sue’s aura, to expel the evil spirit from her, a couple of minutes later the evil spirit was expelled from Sue, and sent back to wherever it came from. Zangu stepped back from me but my oriental guide Sun Si Sin, stepped into me in trance, and spoke through me to the circle about protection, he reminded the circle to make sure the circle was protected, as well as each sitter should make sure they are protected, as there are low level spirit that are attracted to the light of the circle, and will want to attach themselves to the sitters, as was the case with the so called Mary Queen of Scots.
My oriental guide stood back and I regained my senses, Harry then appeared to go into “trance,” and he said virtually what my oriental guide had said, I was a bit put out by this, but hey ho each to there own, I was glad the circle and sitters were safe. I was also perturbed by the lack of understanding, for the need of spiritual protection, as it had been drummed into me at Berenice’s circle, I had put my protection in place during the opening prayer, that is why I was unaffected by the low level spirit, which was good really as someone with protection, and strong spirit guides was there to sort the situation out. I only needed this circle to regain my attunement to spirit, so would only stay in it for as long as was necessary.
On another evening in Harry’s open circle, he wanted to try out new things with us, so he asked each of us to bring in a personal item, so we could do psychometry on each others items, and give readings from the items, for those who do not know what psychometry is, everything is energy and energy has its own vibrational frequency, so everything we wear or touch, we imprint our own vibrational frequency on it. those who are sensitive and can read and understand vibration, are very good at psychometry, you could give someone a reading off their socks if necessary, simply because the wearer had imprinted their vibration onto the socks, I do get some funny looks when I say that but it is true. I had already done some psychometry in Berenice’s circle, so was happy to do psychometry again, as it would help with my attunement, as being able to read vibration as a medium is very important. As spirit do communicate a lot with emotion, and yes our emotions have their own vibrational frequency, to as I said everything is energy.
I was handed a silver pocket watch by Hannah one of the sitters, as I held the pocket watch in my hand, within my minds eye I could see an old man digging up cabbages, I felt strongly the old man was Hannah’s Grandfather, and that he had trouble with his knees in life, I relayed this information to Hannah, and she confirmed the watch belonged to her Grandfather, and that he had an allotment, and one of her memories of him, was of him digging up cabbages on his allotment. I was pleased I was able to pick this information up, and connect Hannah with her Grandfather, I passed the pocket watch back to her, and she gasped I said what’s a matter, she said this watch has not worked for years but now its working, and sure enough the pocket watch was ticking away, I cannot say why the watch started working, after years of not working, but it confirms to me Hannah’s Grandfather was with her.
I left Harry’s circle a few weeks later, as I felt it had served its purpose, my attunement to spirit had been regained on a mediumnistic level, on 5th January 1983 I did my first ever solo platform, at Slough Spiritualist Church, this was a big test for me and spirit, for me to prove to myself and others, that I am a platform medium, and for spirit to back there mouth up and work through me on platform, as they had been nagging me to do, for the previous 2 years the night was a success, and I was now assured that spirit truly wanted to work through me on platform, doing public demonstrations of mediumship.
I was approached by Ann Pert a stalwart of Slough Spiritualist Church, and medium of 40 plus years, a sweet but very strong lady who was in her mid eighties, to demonstrate mediumship for her spiritualist group at the old Slough library, I was very honoured to be asked by Ann to serve her group, as she was a knowledgeable and respected medium, as I was in between jobs at the time, I agreed to serve spirit at her group on a Wednesday afternoon, the Wednesday afternoon came along the meeting was held in a large room on the second floor of the library, I walked in and there was Ann with around 30 pensioners sitting in a circle, Ann then dropped the bombshell, that she expected everyone to get a message from spirit, I told her I did not think I would be able to give everyone a message, but would certainly give it a try, after the opening prayer I commenced to give messages from spirit, the energy was very strong that day, and we managed to give everyone a short message from spirit, although afterwards I was very tired and mentally drained, there was one old gentleman who has remained in my memory since that day, alas I cannot remember his name but during his message, spirit were talking to him about his automatic writing, for those who do not know what automatic writing is, it is where spirit guide the hand of the channel, to write the words they wish to communicate, afterwards he struck up a conversation with me about his automatic writing, as I remember a very interesting conversation, as he had been automatic writing for years, he visited me at my home a couple of times to show me his automatic writing, he had thousands of pages of writing containing teaching and messages from spirit, if only it could have been made into a book, it could have helped so many understand the workings of spirit life and the universe, a lovely man and a true servant of spirit, I will always remember him,
I began writing to churches to see if they would book me to serve them as a platform medium, back in the day before email and facebook that’s how we did it, to get cancellation work last minute bookings when the serving medium, could not demonstrate that evening, one of the first churches that got back to me was Maidenhead Spiritualist Church, as the medium had cancelled for that evening, she told me that she had tried ten other mediums, but they were unavailable so we thought we would try you, at the time I used to walk right in front of the person to give them their message from spirit, this led to a few complaints as people in the congregation, liked to see and hear the medium from the front not twisting their necks around to see the medium, I replied that’s how I work, I was told they were happy with the work done that evening, but if I wished to serve their church again, I had to learn to speak from the front of the church, so from that day on with my guides we learned to give messages from the front of the church, although the energy seemed weaker from the front, but it gradually grew stronger and it was a very valuable lesson for me to learn.
I learned in Berenice’s circle to take my shoes off when working with spirit, for earth power, as spirit are a form of energy, that we have not learned how to record and measure as yet, but it was best to be earthed for safety reasons, as you have an earth on an electric plug. And to draw natural power from the earth, so I went around the church platforms, demonstrating mediumship not wearing my shoes, I became known as the medium who takes his shoes off, one night at Hayes Spiritualist Church, I kept my shoes on as the church had been flooded, and the floor was still wet, I was concerned I might get a bit of trench foot, but was also concerned blocking earth power may affect my link with spirit, but my need to protect my feet won, I went onto the platform and demonstrated mediumship, the demonstration went well, and after the demonstration a guy sitting in a wheelchair with no legs approached me. He said to me “my guides are telling me you should keep your shoes off when on the platform” he had never seen me demonstrate before, and had no knowledge of me not wearing my shoes whilst demonstrating, WOW I thought what a way to teach me, spirit send me a man with no legs to tell me to keep my shoes off, I will never ever forget how spirit got the message to me, that night and often use that memory, to teach students how spirit work.
I met a lot of lovely people at Hayes Spiritualist Church, and I have fond memories of them all, particularly Bert, and Rocky, Margaret Hanks, Anne Walker, Annie, Ida Escott, Derek Thurlbeck, and Mark Deville. I remember one night giving Derek Thurlbeck a message from platform, his Egyptian guide was telling him via me, he was going to move away from mediumship and teach spiritual philosophy, the world had enough mediums it needed more teachers. Derek was very put out about this message, and he approached me angrily after the service he said to me, ” I am going to be a medium, I am meant to be a medium not a philosopher, you got that all wrong.” I replied “we shall see” 10 years later I was at a church somewhere, and a person said to me “do you know Derek Thurlbeck” I replied yes I know him the person, told me Derek had now given up his mediumship, and was teaching philosophy, well blow me down I replied, I told Derek 10 years ago he would be doing philosophy, and he did not believe me, teaching me we should never doubt what spirit tell us, because they can see the bigger picture a lot more than we can.
One of the platform mediums of the day who I really admired, and looked up to was Derek Markwell, very energetic, funny, and a great communicator for spirit, I suppose I actually took on some of his style when demonstrating, because the way he would communicate the address and spirit messages, in a down to earth way would really touch people on a heart level, raising the energy and vibration making spirit communication so much easier, for spirit and Derek as the channel, rather than some of the more flowery monotone mediums of the day, his services were very uplifting for all those who attended.
I was serving Ashford Spiritualist Church one summers evening in 1986, it was a Sunday service, I was met by Sheila a lady who I knew from Bracknell Spiritualist Church, she informed me that Derek Markwell who was now sadly suffering from MS and his lady wife were to be present for the service, can you imagine my delight and terror knowing one of my platform heroes, would actually be sitting in the congregation watching me demonstrate mediumship, and the thought of Derek being in the congregation quite honestly terrified me, it was like all my spiritual development and myself were under the microscope, as Derek Markwell was a medium who I truly respected, as I stepped up to the platform I took my jacket off to hang over the chair, swung my jacket round from my shoulder and knocked a vase of flowers flying, smashing the vase and flowers on the floor, “Oh Shame Where Is Thy Blush” I really wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, I could not apologise enough, the congregation erupted in laughter and I was hoping the destroyed flowers were not a bad omen for the service.
From experience myself and my spirit guides settled quickly to regain our link, as it is the quality of the communication that is paramount, not the mediums embarrassment, it came the time to give the inspired address, I looked at Derek and he looked back at me with so much support in his eyes it was very humbling for me I looked at my guides and said to them “Lets Do It” and we carried on after the service, Sheila came to me and said to me “Derek wants to speak with you” OMG I thought he is going to tell me I’m crap, and that I was under developed to be a platform medium, as he struggled to walk towards me on his walking sticks, I said to Derek “its ok Derek I will come to you” he replied Its ok son I will come to you, he walked up to me looked me straight in the eye and said, “you carry on son great service you carry on” I was absolutely relieved he did not tell me off, and it was so amazing to be encouraged by one of my peers, I told him he was one of my heroes and that I had always admired his work, he said don’t be daft son we do what we do for spirit, I will always treasure this memory.
Back in the year 1985 I was preparing to do a demonstration, at Guildford Spiritualist Church, it was a Sunday service so a inspired address, from my spirit guides was a part of the service, my guides had not given me any idea, on what they would like to inspire me to say, but we usually waited until a inspirational paragraph, from a book or a passage from the Bible had been read, then my guides would let me know what to say from the reading, as the reading would become the subject of the address, the vice president of the church at the time, a lady called Vanda sat opposite me, with a book on her lap entitled reaching out, on seeing this my guide a mandarin drew in close to me, inspiring me with the words to say do we not all reach out for something.
We all reach out for the love of another, we all reach out to be understood by others, we all reach out for kindness compassion and strength from others, we all reach out to others to help us to be successful in life, but few reach within to the spirit, where love, understanding strength, kindness, compassion, our drive for success are in abundance, we always look outwards for what we need in life, and it is the cause of a lot emotional pain, when we have the expectation for our emotional and material needs to be fulfilled from external sources, when everything we need for a wholesome life, in a material world are within.
It is a simple truth that all the answers we need are within us, many scoff at this simple truth, and prefer to seek answers from outside of themselves, all we get from that is another persons experience, other than our own that maybe right or wrong for us, and can lead to further personal disasters and torment, looking within to seek the answers we need, means we are connecting with our own truth, and once the answers are found, we can action them and live by our own truth, but first we must put aside all external influences in life, breathe and be silently listening out for the inner voice, that tells us how we truly feel and the best way forward for us in life, the world and the universe is governed by freewill, it is the freewill of everything that effects everything in our lives.
Many feel useless to have any control over there lives, because they feel the freewill of everything controls them, and they could not be more wrong because it is us that dictates our life from within, to surrender the power of our own personal truth is a great betrayal of ourselves, to the control of everything, we are living life the way everything wants us to be, we must connect to the spirit within, seek out our own personal truth and live by it, and not be afraid of how others will perceive us, as long as the way we live life does no harm to others, why cannot we live by our own truth, as spirit we are love, kindness, tolerance, compassion, that is the beauty of who we truly are, so we must reach out with love, kindness, tolerance, and compassion, for ourselves and all others, this is the way and truth of spirit.
Sitting here just breathing and being my thoughts come alive, and I will think out loud and share with you whatever my thoughts may be, well life has led me this far, and I must say I am very happy with where my head and heart is at right now, and the four walls I dwell within, it is a day I wish time would stand still just for now, as everything is just perfect here in my little flat, as I reflect on my life and look out into the future, many lessons are coming to me right now, the lessons I need for my future direction and path.
After much nagging I now realise I must adapt to the new spiritual scene, now an industry not a pathway of service, but even in this modern day spirit will use whatever medium they can to transmit, universal truth whether it be church or centre, as a medium I should have enough awareness, to be able to communicate to all levels of understanding, and in this new era I should be able to communicate, the truth in a way that people can understand, but it all seems to be all so ego based.
Today’s spiritual scene seems to be more about marketing, than service to spirit and all, today celebrity status is the aim, in my day humility in service a spirit teaching, was our guide hundreds of miles we drove in all weathers, to serve spirit and demonstrate our mediumship, for petrol money now the bigger celebrity we are the bigger percentage we can take from the door, turning spirit into a industry means it has become status and profit driven, a lot of people criticise us old school mediums for doing it for expenses, but we did it for the love of spirit and our spiritual purpose to serve humankind, once we take the love out of service, it is then all about status profit and loss.
I understand that spirit need to communicate there message, to as many as possible, the spiritualist church is now dying a death, with attendance levels dropping, and churches closing due to lack of interest, the new spiritual industry is catering for those who want spirit without religion, which is fine as the universe of spirit does not have religion, and spirit rarely refer to what we term as god, what spirit do wish to communicate to us all, is the teachings of eternal life not death and how it all works, but this has all been shoved into the background, with proving evidence of survival repeatedly, to the same people over and over again.
Once evidence of survival after physical death is proven, do we really need it to be proven over and over again, or are we just testing the mediums, when I sat in spiritual development circle the spirit guide Li came through Ian in trance, he told us evidence of survival is needed for the newcomer to prove the existence of life after death, after that the newcomer can then begin there journey, of learning about universal life and the way of life, here on earth spirit want to teach, now spirit guides are shunned in churches and centres, and evidence of survival has become the mantra, at the cost of spiritual teaching spirit guides have so much to offer us, to develope spiritually to become better people, more at peace with ourselves and to lead better lives.
Loved ones in spirit who communicate there survival after physical death, sharing memories and giving advice to there loved ones on the earth plane, via a medium does bring much needed comfort and support to the bereaved, so evidence of survival does have its place, in a demonstration of mediumship as the whole aim of spiritual mediumship, is to bring upliftment to people in need, messages from spirit guides are very much frowned upon, I myself and other mediums have been banned from churches, for communicating messages from spirit guides, as the general consensus is that they are not evidential, which is rubbish in my view when a spirit guide communicates to a person, what exactly is going on in there life, and descriptions of the personalities in there life, and the mental emotional and physical state of the person, that by its very nature is evidential because the medium, would not know that information about the person, so where did he/she get that information from, and to me this is also very much evidence of a afterlife.
Way back in the 1990’s I was serving spirit at Hampton on the Hill Spiritualist Church, the messages were all from spirit guides, but one particular message to a young man in his late 20’s early 30’s, was from Archangel Gabriel and Archangel Michael, they were telling the young man that he had got in with the wrong crowd, and it was destroying him at a soul level, and the Archangels gave the young man advice on how to free himself from this situation, that could possibly destroy his soul, and his soul could end up in eternal darkness, if he didn’t free himself of this condition, after the service the resident medium was very angry with me, shouting at me because I did not give evidence of survival, the booking secretary looking very disgusted said you were recommended to us, and you did not prove survival we wont be booking you again, my reply was I am here to bring upliftment to people from spirit not prove survival, at that point the young man who I had given the message from the Archangels to, came out shaking my hands vigorously, he could not thank me enough for the message, he told me he was trying to escape from satanism, and he could not thank me enough for the power and wisdom that had been given to him from the Archangels, during his message the Archangels had told him how to link with them, to help him out of this condition and to protect him, I turned to the resident medium and booking secretary, and I said ” there you go upliftment through service to angels and spirit, I do not want to serve your narrow minded church, up yours ” rude I know but hey ho.
By censoring angels and spirit as to what we allow them to communicate at public demontrations, is a real crime in my view how can you gag the eternal, how can you gag the teachings of a eternal way of life, angels guides and loved ones are all welcome to communicate there truths through me, by doing this I feel I am communicating fully, to bring the maximum upliftment to all who needs it, and I am very aware that as much as we miss our loved ones in spirit, they miss us to so connecting them with there loved ones on the earth plane, is a very loving service for me as a channel for spirit to do, but let us allow angels and spirit guides there voice, as they make us aware of the bigger picture, as I have been serving spirit for 35 years doing public demonstrations of mediumship, I feel I have the right to my opinion.
In my weakness I embraced humility and it became my greatest strength, and in my strength I found my truth, a child of creation born from the stars, as all are creation, no greater than the sky no lower than the dirt, gifted and flawed acceptance of myself and others is my virtue, and by the grace of creation go I, on mother earth I stand reaching out to the sky and stars above, balance in heart and mind, with humility as my guide.
What if I were a superhero, with all the knowledge in the universe, what would I do with all knowledge in the universe, the choices I could make, the actions I could take, could be limitless and infinite, my choices and actions would depend on my heart, mind, and freewill, there is great responsibility in ruling the world, why would I want to rule the world and everything in it, for I have freewill, so I should allow all life in the world, to choose it’s own destiny through it’s own freewill as I do mine.
What if with all my knowledge, the human race thought of me as a god, but I am not a god, I would simply be the consciousness of creation, all things born from the supernova 5 billion years ago, so therefore I am not a god, I would be a consciousness interconnected with all things in the world and universe, so my consciousness would work through all of creation, all life within our world in it’s many forms and states of evolution, would it only be the human race that was aware of me, but I am connected to everything, so all life is aware of my consciousness.
What if with all my consciousness and knowledge, I tried to save the human race from self destruction, surely that would be wrong, as it would override the freewill of the human race, all I could do would be to inspire through hearts and minds, I could inspire through the greatest consciousness of all love. but if only the human race would open it’s heart and mind, as the human race has chosen greed and self over love, through love I would inspire the well fed to feed the hungry, those with shelter to provide shelter for those who have not, those who are at war to make peace with there enemies, the angry to seek out compassion within, the healthy to tend to the sick, the wealthy to distribute there wealth, for the benefit of human race and the planet.
What if I could make the human race realise from the supernova, they are all connected in truth brothers and sisters all, through love I would inspire them to break down the barriers, of nationality, colour, creed, religion, the need for greed and self. And help them to realise there is one truth, that simple truth needs many teachers, to teach of the consciousness of love, to the many levels of understanding within the world.
What if those that were aware of me chose to worship me, this would be wrong as through connection, my consciousness is within them all, I am them they are me, for those who are not aware of me, it is there freewill to keep there hearts and minds closed, through the conciousness of love and connection, I can help them to realise they are not billions of individuals, as the human race is a collective brothers and sisters all, through the choices of greed, selfishness, war, the consciousness of the human race suffers as a whole.
What if I could help the human race to look beyond it’s physical life and death, and realise consciousness cannot be destroyed or die, it is this simple truth that makes all things eternal, the simple truth is consciousness evolves as life on earth evolves, I will inspire the human race through it’s freewill is to chose love, because love is our greatest teacher, and through love the collective consciousness of the human race will evolve.
Drinking coffee as the early morning awakens my consciousness, listening to the message of the birdsong, opening my mind to the power and beauty of creation within, I have written much of the undiscovered creation of the future, they say that life is the daydream within the mind of God, I am the dreamer surely God is not sleeping, as my consciousness is within the mind of God, does this mean I am sleeping to, this life must be a lucid dream in which I change my surroundings friends, lovers, home, and work, to create my perception of the life I desire.
As I sit here writing it dawns on me that people, are happy to remain within there creation, shunning change at all costs when change comes, causing much hurt to there accepted normal, change is the engine of life it happens within and around us everyday, do we not grow old from cradle to grave, should we not attain the wisdom that growing old should provide, my body is 57 years old but my mind still young and open to new things, seeking change and all life has to offer.
The message of the birdsong tells me that everyday is a new day, in heart and mind and anything is possible, as all change comes from heart and mind, and that I should always seek to better myself, in anyway I can, not only in material ways better car nicer holidays, but to seek and to grow in heart and mind, to be able to weather all that life throws at me with Love, Kindness, Compassion, and understanding. So that I may rise above all that wishes, to pull me down into the abyss, of anxiety anger and doubt.
Not many people realise that life is a journey of self discovery, much more to life than the journey of cradle to grave, life is a state of mind in which our spirit learns and grows, to remain in a state of comfortable ignorant inertia, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow, we may have the bigger house, flashier car, exotic holidays, the more attractive woman, but we cannot take none of that with us, although we need to earn coloured paper and shiny buttons, to survive and be comfortable in this material earth plane, wealth in heart and mind enriches us throughout eternity, as our spirit grows and shines more brightly, within the light of God.
I have been blogging now a year today, and have written 30 blogs I hope you have enjoyed reading, I have documented my journey over the past year, as you can see it has not been easy at times, but I sit here so thankful in all I have experienced, as I fully intend to go on creating myself, with all that life intends to teach me, I am thankful for the message of the birdsong, for reminding me that all things are possible, when we grow in heart and mind and focus on being the best we can become, not only for ourselves but for all around us, and when I am called back to the spirit realm, it will be the riches of heart and mind I will be taking with me, knowing my deeds good and bad will echo in eternity, the message of the birdsong beckons in 2018, telling me to do what I love to do, and be the best I can be.
My spirit born into this physical life, to experience all emotions to live and learn how to love. It has not been easy for this fish out of water, to live this physical earthly life, programmed from birth to be like everyone else, blessed and burdened with the gifts of spirit, I was the round hole trying to fit the square peg, now I see it was all a waste of time, the peg would never fit I would have fared much better, if I had just been me focussing on my truth and not lived the lie, I was not meant to be like everyone else.
No longer will I hide my darkness behind my light, I will live in my truth and power and accept all that is within me. I am an Angel and a Demon my legacy in this life has been insight, healing, kindness, compassion, hurt, and pain, for the hurt and pain I have caused please forgive me, to those who have caused me hurt and pain, I forgive you all that matters is here within the now. I was sent to this earth to be a blessing to many, through my foolishness I wasted many a year, searching for what I am not, to you Great Spirit I apologise, to the mothers of my children I apologise, to my two sons who I left behind, I never ever stopped loving you and never will, I fought my battles loved and lost.
Realising to seek acceptance from family and peers is the journey of the fool, when acceptance of the gifted self, is the wisdom of the seeking heart and mind, many regrets have chained me down from the past, the deceivers lies slashing at my heart, finding solace in booze and speed did not comfort my heart only to amplify my bitter rage, as the hungry maggot gnawed at my guts. Living life at each end of the spectrum,, giving messages from spirit teaching mediumship, working the door drinking fighting, No longer will I listen to my demons lies, freeing me of the chains of regret, I hear the gentle loving whisper of my angel within, telling me to shine my light for all to see.