There are a lot of people these days protesting, that spiritualism is not a religion, spiritualism in the UK had to become a religion, so that practitioners such as mediums and healers were not prosecuted, under the outdated witchcraft Act 1735, medium Helen Duncan was convicted under the witchcraft act, in September 1944 for claiming to conjure spirits, whilst I agree that spirit never speak of religion as there is no religion in spirit, and spirit do not speak of a god, they speak of divine light, no one can deny who has studied and communicated with spirit, the existence of a universal life and law, that spirit communicate to us here on earth as above so below.
The driving force of universal life is love, and it is love that spirit communicate to us here on earth, and the teachers that mankind built religion around all taught love, many who come into spiritualism in the UK, have come from a Christian background, and the cross in a spiritualist church gives resonance and focus to those from a religious background, who wish to learn more through spirit communication, how things work in the life hereafter and how to progress spiritually, and so enhancing there humanity, spirit guides teach that a church is a building a medium for them to communicate there truths, a group of like minded people meeting in a building, to commune the teachings of spirit is by definition a religion.
It depends on the energy of love and attunement to spirit within the building, that we and spirit can create together, the creation of love with spirit, depends on the level of attunement of the people within the building, hymns and prayers help us to gain greater attunement to spirit, taking us out of our material physical minds, to higher levels of attunement to spirit, yes all of this is religious ritual, but what is prayer but emotion and thought, spirit communicate to us in emotion and thought, and it is our attunement to love, that spirit need to communicate with us successfully.
Spiritualism has been crusading to prove the existence of eternal life, through spirit communication the facts of the communication proving eternal life, there is far greater communication with spirit, in the teachings spirit pass on to us, the teachings are of universal life and law, for we are spirit living learning and growing in a physical material world, to be a spiritualist is to live and walk with spirit on our earth plane, practising the teachings of spirit, and to be the true messengers of spirit, we must practice love, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness, in our thoughts words and deeds in service to spirit, there is a lot more to mediumship than giving messages, this is what being a spiritualist means to me.
Stephen Rowlands 26/08/18
I am not really sure how to tell you this part of my spiritual journey, as it is not a talked about or researched subject, but is worthy of further investigation for our understanding of, the progression of our spirit after physical death, we always say a nasty, wicked, or evil person will go to hell, when they pass over into spirit, and a good person will go to heaven, and be surrounded by angels when they pass over to spirit, there is a lot of truth in this analogy, because our spirit is what we truly are, spirit guides have told me that we create our own heaven or hell in spirit, by our thoughts, emotions, and actions, here on the earth plane.
Our spirit is energy a consciousness that survives physical death, there are many levels of consciousness within the world of spirit, that we rise or fall to upon the event of our physical death, consciousness can only exist in a level that is vibrating at the same frequency as itself, like attracts like hence why there are many levels of spirit, within the human race there are many different levels of understanding, and this reflects through to the spirit world as above so below.
It is spirits that find themselves on a low level of spirit, that need healing to rise towards the light, and ascend to a higher level of spirit, they are at a low level for many reasons, mainly for dark emotions, thoughts, actions, and deeds on the earth plane, whereby they have selfishly put there own needs above others, or they feel they still have things to do here on the earth plane, to right wrongs or to gain forgiveness from someone living in the physical, or they have died suddenly at an accident or by the hand of another, and they still feel the pain and fear of there physical death, or they simply do not know they have physically died especially if sudden death or they had no knowledge or belief in a afterlife, or believe that there is nothing after physical life, we carry our emotions thoughts and deeds over to spirit as above so below, and they stay close to the earth plane vibrating at a dense physical level.
Spirit vibrating at a low level will come to us for help to help them raise their vibration, and to be guided towards the light there are also spirit guides, that work to help low level spirit to ascend to the light, rescue work circles here on the earth plane work along side spirit guides, and are devoted to helping low level spirit to ascend to the light and higher vibration, and this is where my story begins, back in 1978 when I first started to explore spiritualism, I was sitting for spiritual development and very open to spirit, I had 3 dreams over a period of a few months, each dream was set in a graveyard at night.
The first dream I was walking in a graveyard, and had a very strong sense that I must look for and find one particular grave, I did not know which grave but knew I had to find a grave, although in my dream it was night time, there was a light permeating through the darkness turning my surroundings, to a sort of dark blue and grey, I remember thinking in the dream what am I doing here, but I knew I really must find this grave, although I did not know why I must find the grave, eventually I came across this very large grave, with a stone plinth and a sculptured head of a man on it, with like three stone serrated rails over the grave meeting in the middle above the grave, I stood looking at the grave for awhile and then the eyes on the head opened, I woke up in the physical screaming and terrified.
The second dream was the same graveyard with me having. a very strong urge to find this grave, although with some trepidation as the last dream terrified me, I thought is this a lucid dream, as I know I am back in the same graveyard looking for a grave, that I know there is something evil about it, telling myself to be strong I pressed on, I found the grave the eyes on the head opened, it opened it’s mouth and a real deep loud drone come out of it’s mouth, everything seemed to vibrate I woke up terrified and screaming, although I was now conscious in my bed at home, I questioned my dream was it a lucid nightmare, could I have changed the dream and dreamt of something much more pleasant.
In the third dream I was joined by a boy and a girl, they were about my age late teens, they told me they were going to help me find the grave, this is very strange I thought why would they want to be here with me in my dream, they asked me what I would do when we found the grave, I said to them I do not know the grave terrifys me, it moves and talks I really do not know why I keep coming back here, we found the grave but it was in a different place, and was very different to how it had appeared before, it was close to the church and it was like a brick box with a gravestone laid on top, and on top of that was the stone head, surrounding the grave was an old black railing pointed with pointed rails, the girl asked me do you know who is buried here, I said I do not know but there must be a reason for me to keep coming back here, at that point the stone head turned round to face me, and in a deep mans voice spoke my name, once again I woke up screaming and terrified.
The question for me was why I had the three dreams, what was the purpose and reason for me having three dreams about a grave in a graveyard, and who were the young boy and girl, a few months went by and one evening, I was sitting in Berenice Watts development circle, for the meditation she asked us to walk down a Victorian street, I visualized a Victorian street and in my visualisation it was night time, I tried to visualise the Victorian street scene in daylight, but it kept going back to night, so I just stayed with night there were theatres to my left all lit up, and Victorian ladies and gentlemen dressed in there finery, walking up and down the street, it was a fun happy feeling of people out for entertainment and fun, across the road there was a graveyard, I immediately knew it was the graveyard in my three dreams.
Surrounding the graveyard were black pointed railings, there was a large gold building, all lit up with lights shining on it, inset into the outer wall was red square with gold trim, the people walking down the street seemed to be celebrating the fact the gold building was there, on the pavement outside the gold building stood a Victorian gentleman, with top hat a black beard wearing formal evening dress, he was staring right at me, I felt this is strange why is he staring at me I also felt glued to the spot, but also that me and the Victorian gentleman were all to do with this gold building and feeling of celebration, Berenice called us back into the room to interpret our meditations, I described my meditation to Berenice and told her about my three dreams, and that I strongly felt the gold building was the grave in the 3 dreams, Berenice explained to me that I had been used by spirit to help raise a spirit from the grave, because there are spirits who come into the physical earth vibration, and do not learn and grow whilst attached to the physical body, and lead a very negative life in the physical, when the physical body dies they cannot see a way out and stay attached to the physical body, she felt the Victorian gentleman was the spirit who was helped into the higher light vibration, the atmosphere of celebration was the Victorian gentleman, being welcomed into the higher realms of spirit, the gold building was the symbol of the spirit being raised from the grave. the teenage boy and girl in my dream were spirit helpers, sent to help me raise this spirit, myself in spirit form has a strong living physical earth vibration, and this was of use to spirit to help raise the spirit from the grave.
Think of my story what you will, it was all very real for me and at times very frightening, at the time of the three dreams I had not been taught to close down, and was being used by spirit to do rescue work, as was done with the Victorian gentleman, spiritualism and especially Berenice Watts gave me answers to questions, and helped me to understand and control what was happening to me, the one thing I learned from this, apart from spiritual protection is what we do in life, our thoughts emotions and actions echoe in eternity as above so below.
Stephen Rowlands 23/08/18
I have found myself at a tipping point in life, I have always done what I have done for self survival, it is the name of the game in this material world of ours, earning enough money to live and survive in this physical life, throughout my working life I have always taken jobs with low pay and long hours just to survive, and have earned a good living at the expense of my quality of life, and spiritual pathway life as always teaches lessons, the realisation that life is teaching me a lesson became most apparent at my latest job interview.
I recently went for a job as a security officer at a local shopping centre, presenting the interviewer with a CV that holds 28 years of experience, in different roles within the security industry, a few of them employed in retail security in uniform and as a store detective, and shopping centre security, so I felt I was well placed for the job role I was applying for, the interview to my mind did not go well, as the interviewer treated me as if I had not done security work before, and as if I was inherently stupid, asking me questions on what he had just said.
Realising that he was assuming because of the job role I was applying for, that I must be of low intelligence offended me, the hourly rate was not that great even by security industry standards, with no double pay for working bank holidays, my interviewer tried to impress on me how wonderful it was, that my maybe future employer would provide me with a uniform, that I did not have to pay for is this what the security industry has become I thought, as my interviewer described the daily routine of a security officer at the shopping centre, asking had I done this or that before, to be honest and this may sound very arrogant but I felt over qualified for the job role I was being interviewed for, my CV was there before him holding more than enough of the experience required for the job role, and my interviewer was treating me as if I had just landed at Heathrow, got my security badge and was applying for my first security job.
I left the interview very angry with the interviewer, because of the way I was treated, I felt that with my CV and experience that I should have been treated with more respect, also realising that he was rigidly sticking to the interview formula, set down by the company he works for, which is ok for people just coming into the security industry, but not for old campaigners like myself with 28 years of experience, having said all this the working hours for the job, would really fit in with my spiritual work and development, my interview experience got me thinking, do I really need to do this kind of work, and be treated like a slave amoeba.
The question keeps running through my mind, why do I keep running to these kind of jobs just to survive, surely just surviving is not quality of life, and is really not progressing towards my purpose in life, I now know that my purpose in life is to serve spirit, as a healer and medium, writer and poet, but alas my purpose does not pay the bills, my tipping point has given me a choice to either, do what I have always done to survive, or to focus on serving spirit full time, doing readings and demonstrations, giving spiritual guidance, the universe is saying to me the choice is yours, and it is a very scary choice to make as I have not the finances to support me, whilst I focus on and grow a spiritual business, as can be done in the new and evolving spiritual industry, but what can I do in the meantime, the answer is very clear, I must work in the material world to keep the roof over my head.
I am also grateful for the massive learning curve that I am now on, regret is no longer useful to me, thinking what if I had not left the spiritual pathway, there is a bigger realisation here, why did I never believe in myself, or realise my own self worth, but I cannot dwell on my lack of self belief or worth, in the past what matters is now, and what I do with lessons learned, the one thing I did learn from the interview is that I am worth more, the beauty of life is that we can manifest change from within at any point in our lives, and it is the inner change of self belief and worth that I now seek, and focussing on for the future, I have been used by spirit in the past, to help people love and believe in themselves, now once again it is time for me to practice what I preach.
Life is an open book and we all write in it’s pages, it is very important not to regret past mistakes, if we had taken a different road all this does is weigh us down, and hold us back from inner new beginnings and new life, I am told by others that I am talented, so time to focus on those talents and develop them as often as possible, and no more doing myself down with dead end jobs, with no chance of progression just to survive, I am also 58 years old so seeking out a career is pointless at my time of life, although I have had opportunities in the past to create a career, but dwelling on the past as I said is pointless, it is very important in life to work with what we have in life, rather than yearning for what we have not, we can do nothing with what we do not have, much better to focus on what we can become with what we have, I have mind and a reasonably healthy body, I have life, purpose, and love, I have talents to develop, thankyou job interview for making me realise life and future service needs me to be so much more.
But the lessons still needed to be learned, as I was still teetering on my tipping point, the point being how to balance my material and spiritual, and earn enough money to live on my finances are running low, I was worried about being able to meet my financial commitments, 31/07/18 I had a second interview for a supermarket home delivery service, which meant going on a delivery run with the supervisor, delivering shopping to peoples doors and a driving assessment, the supervisor is a friendly chap we got on well and the interview went well, I had passed all assessments, the supervisor told me he had other interviews, and let me know the following Monday 06/08/18 if I had been successful or not, but the hourly rate was not good, and the hours offered meant I would not earn enough to make a living, so I would have to turn down the job if offered it, I got the call but was unsuccessful in my application, as my customer service skills were not as strong as other candidates.
All of this with my financial worries made me feel very low, but I had to pull myself together, as I was doing a demonstration of mediumship, at The Divine Spark Centre in Bredhurst Kent, 01/08/18 my girlfriend Veronica drove me to the centre, as my car has a water leak, The Centre is run by my best friend Marina Rawlings and her colleague Mandy Lafferty, I wanted to have a good strong connection to spirit that evening, as I was honoured to be serving my best friends centre, reminding myself that it is my purpose in life, to serve spirit as a healer and medium, as I sat there alone waiting for the demonstration to start, rising above my worries and woes to raise my vibration, to be able to communicate with spirit, I got a strong image within my minds eye, of the face of an elderly man with rugged weather beaten features, white/grey hair brushed back balding on top long white/grey side burns, with a determined look on his face, there had been a lot of talk of spiritual activity at the centre, so I thought this spirit is just passing through but he remained with me.
I started the demonstration and it was going well with a strong connection to spirit, in the audience there was a young friend of Marina’s, who Marina had told me before the demonstration that her friends mother was very ill, I was very drawn to this young lady, and she had a very strong native American guide who wished to speak to her, but I was holding back as I did not want what I already knew, to stain the link with the spirit guide, nor did I want to blurt out publicly anything the spirit guide wished to say about her mother, as I strongly felt that this would be to private for the young lady to share publicly, the native American spirit guide gave me symbolic images, of what life was like for the young lady I interpreted the images for her, and she was accepting the message, but I did feel a bit of a fraud as I had prior knowledge of this young ladies life. then the old weather beaten man who I saw before the demonstration, popped up in my minds eye, he told me he was the young ladies grandfather, I told the young lady I had her grandfather on her fathers side of the family with her, I felt strongly he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, as he was showing me a cement mixer, he was also impressing on me the dark green cardigan he always used to wear, I described him to her she smiled I could see him lent over her as she sat there, with his hands on her shoulders, her grandfather passed on a message of love to her, via me that he was there to support her and the rest of her family through this difficult time.
After the demonstration the young lady came to me, she was delighted with her message from her grandfather, she told me my description of him was spot on, that he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, and her grandad was always there to support and comfort family in troubled times, and that her and her father were dealing with her mothers illness, alone as other family had seemed to step back from them, but she was very happy that her grandad had communicated, and proved to her that he was still with them and supporting them, she also told me her father was a non believer in life after death, but she would tell him of her message from her grandad.
Myself and the lovely Marina Rawlings at The Divine Spark Centre 01/08/18
My link with spirit and the whole demonstration, especially the message to the young lady from her grandad, had given me the inner upliftment that I needed at that time, and reminded me of how very blessed I am to be a channel for spirit, I decided not to allow myself to get low about my present predicament, and felt a bit daft as I am a great believer in the power of positive thinking, and how the power of thought can bring to us what we want or need in life, the next day 02/08/18 I said to Veronica something wonderful is going to happen today, it is a magical day and I live a magical and abundant life, Veronica looked at me as if I had jumped out of a Jamboree bag, but my thoughts and intentions were set.
We had breakfast and I went online to seek work and apply for jobs, I applied for a couple of security jobs that I had applied for previously, but hey ho I thought no harm in applying again, around 11 am I got a phone call from a security recruitment company, he said you sent me your cv this morning, you have a strong security background, I have two jobs in mind for you can I discuss them with you, I said yes certainly, both jobs were for a leading national security company, both jobs 4 on 4 off on a rolling basis, one a night mobile driver locking and unlocking sites and doing site patrols, the other was still mobile but driving to a well known store in various locations, spending a couple of hours in each of them providing a security presence and deterrent to store thieves, I told the caller I had experience in both roles, although he advised me I could only apply for one of the jobs, so I picked the night mobile job, he asked if he could send my cv to the company I agreed he could, and asked if I would be available next day for interview at 11 am, I told him I would be available.
Around 30 minutes later the recruitment consultant called me back, saying the security company wanted to see me for interview the next day, I accepted the offer of an interview and agreed to attend the interview, my day had turned around just by positive thinking and setting sincere intentions, I was jumping for joy as I told Veronica of my good fortune, I was very uplifted but the job had not been won yet, and I was hoping that my interviewer was old school security like myself, and not like the chrome new boy who interviewed me at the shopping centre.
I realised that the time and date of the interview was very powerful, spiritually and universally, three being the most powerful number in the universe, and eleven being a angel number, for letting go of the past and focussing on and working towards our goals, so on 03/08/18 at 11 am I attended the security company for interview, my interviewer a friendly no nonsense sort of guy, told me about the job we talked about my relevant experience for the job, he told me he has been working in the security industry nearly as long as I have, the look on his face told me he knew he couldn’t, give me any of the new corperate security industry bullshit I had experienced in previous interviews, he said look I am going to offer you a job, I have three jobs I want to talk you about, but you can only pick one, mobile relief, mobile retail days, mobile nights, I picked the mobile retail job as it was days, it would be a better work life balance for my relationship with Veronica, he took my uniform sizes and my bank details for wages, I am just waiting for vetting to go through and I can start work, and I am very much looking forward to my new role, as I will be able to earn enough money to live on, and have time to focus on and progress with my spiritual, all came right in the end with positive thinking and focus on my goals, although I did not want to work in the security industry anymore, I know this job and it fits in with the life I wish to lead.
During the past two weeks the universe has been sending me a very strong message, in quotes that I have read and movies that I have watched several times a day, telling me to practice what I preach, to believe in myself and focus and work hard towards my goals, I know this is not easy, when we feel low about ourselves and our future prospects, I have learned this past two weeks, to rise above my woes and focus on my goals, as I do when I communicate with spirit, our doubts about ourselves and our prospects become a real burden, stopping us from focussing on our goals or what we need to achieve daily, by rising above our doubts believing that everyday is wonderful and magical, using that energy to focus on and work towards our material/spiritual goals, and knowing that every setback is there to teach us something, and guide us to our greatest and highest good, so lets not be down about our setbacks learn from them, and use them as a springboard for the future, I am grateful for the lesson and finally practising what I am preaching.
Stephen Rowlands 08/08/18
In 1979 I was sitting for spiritual development, in Berenice Watts general development circle, a regular visitor to our circle was a oriental spirit guide named Li, who would communicate teaching in trance via his channel Ian Watts, one evening he was speaking to us of the importance, of an open mind in spiritual development, as he said one lesson leads to another lesson until we reach the greater whole of the lesson, anything that appears to be unbelievable to us or just plain silly, we should not discard as something may come along later that will make sense, of what we first thought of as unbelievable or stupid.
I was asked today to do a private trance demo for a couple of people, who are enquiring into the truth of spirit communication, I was told that one of them is very sceptical about spirit communication, my reply was as long as myself and spirit were not mocked during the demonstration, and they both follow the rules of trance communication, and that they both keep an open mind, I would agree to channel spirit for them in trance, my reply got me thinking of spirit guide Li’s teaching way back in 1979, to me scepticism is ignorance because many who are sceptical of spirit communication, have not actually explored the truth of spirit communication, and dismiss the very notion of spirit communication as soon as it is mentioned.
Place yourself for one moment in my shoes, I like many people have been aware of spirit all my life, I work an everyday job to provide for myself in a material world, living and working with spirit is the norm for me and many others, to be ridiculed for what I know to be the truth is at times very hurtful, so please accept that myself and people like me are living our truth, I accept that there are people who have visited a medium or church service, and not got the required result but please keep enquiring the truth will come, I myself have been involved in spiritualism since 1978, and demonstrating mediumship on platform in spiritualist churches since 1983, in all that time I have received 3 pure evidential messages from my loved ones in spirit, from other mediums and yet I have given hundreds of messages to others, from spirit yet my knowledge of life everlasting and spirit communication, is as solid and true as it has always been, please ponder that simple truth for one moment.
Many people who sit for spiritual development, are focussed on becoming mediums, because it is more the glam side of what we who serve spirit do, but there are many ways of serving spirit, my spirit guides keep reminding me that I am a healer, and encourage me more and more to be a channel for healing, which I do when the opportunity arises, or send out absent healing for those in need and for our world, I feel very strongly to say that in whatever way we serve spirit, it is all about healing and bringing upliftment ,in one form or another to whoever needs it, so for all those who are sitting for spiritual development, please be mindful of where your spirit guides are taking you on your journey, and follow that path for they see the bigger picture, please do not waste time and energy trying to develop something that is not meant for you, if you follow the path of spirit guidance in future service, you will be fulfilling your purpose here on this earth plane, I myself must be mindful of where spirit guidance is leading me to learn and serve, as I wish to fulfill my purpose in life.
An open mind is not only important for spiritual development, to learn how to communicate with spirit and channel spirit teaching and energy, but is very important in life, as with spiritual development in life we are developing ourselves, to become better versions of ourselves, by this I am not talking of material wealth, I am talking of leading the best life we possibly can by living our truth, we on this earth plane are way to conditioned into being worker ants, for the corperations and banks, this is the norm we are conditioned to get married reproduce buy a house and one day pass away, this is the material norm how often have I heard people say, I wish I could do this or that, but I cannot because I have to pay for this or that, there is a bigger picture in life, and life has so many possibilities and infinite equations, to life please never say never, live and be the life you want to live in the best possible way, your open mind will guide you beyond your dreams.
Stephen Rowlands 08/07/18
To dwell within the moment is fine living, within the moment my mind awakens alive in yesteryear, to the people who I love and have passed away in time, sunshine on leafy trees with gentle breeze, aware my heart with all its love, to know that I was loved, but knowing in the now yesteryear has passed, but the love still remains,of all the people who I love and have passed away in time.
I saw a white horse today making me aware of its presence, is this a sign of future or tests passed, white horse you are the bridge between physical and spiritual, a bridge that I must cross, to reach greater understanding of my service, to help those in spirit to cross the bridge, and communicate their truth with us here on earth, white horse are you a unicorn I feel you are, but can see no horn I become aware that you have the heart of a unicorn, guiding the way for healing between earth and sky, may I find humility and focus to be the bridge between earth and sky.
Stephen Rowlands 25/06/18
I have currently been undergoing a massive life change, I have moved in with my girlfriend Veronica, so what you may think but after 8 years of single life, this was a massive step for me, to make a commitment to live forever with a lady, with the possibility of it all going horribly wrong, was very scary for me as I had become very comfortably single, and had created a very nice life for myself, having said all this with my spiritual knowledge I know that life is all about change, whether it be positive or negative change, it somehow guides the flow of life.
It has been said to me that it takes a lot of guts to do what I have done, especially with no job as I have moved areas as well as homes, yes I have taken a leap of faith that all will be well, I cannot live in the past with memories of all my failed relationships and dead end jobs, holding me back from any possibility of change or growth, life for me or anyone would just stagnate, I have now come into the simple realisation that the meaning of life is to live it, quite simply with all its trials and trap doors, we cannot be held back by past hurts that evolve into fears, tarring all newcomers into our lives with the same brush.
Life is a great teacher and we must be aware of the lessons life is teaching us, not only about what others did to us, and how angry bitter and twisted it has made us, but what in fact we were doing to life to create all these disasterous situations, for ourselves I have learned much over the last 8 years and finally listened to my teacher life, my spiritual knowledge tells me that we create our lives from within, which I know to be true, why are we so needy for love we will fall for the first handsome or pretty face, or those who promise to love us forever who end up using and abusing us, it is first and foremost the most important thing is to love ourselves, for how can we be loved by another if we cannot love ourselves.
By loving ourselves we discover what is acceptable or unacceptable to us, and we can use it as a guide to all newcomers into our lives, from past relationships we learn exactly what we don’t want, so if a handsome or pretty newcomer comes into our lives, protesting there eternal undying love and affection for us, but they start to display the things we don’t want or like, then we can keep our distance from them, relationships just like life are in a state of evolution, take time to get to know the newcomer, see if they truly live up to there words and our expectations of them, myself and Veronica have been together 11 months now, and we have worked through our fears and come together, we evolved through being truthful to each other and love, yes love is also honesty and truth, and through that honesty and truth and self love, we can become who we truly are life is about change and growth the only way we can achieve it, is to live a full life make or break to live and speak our truth through an open heart, life is the greatest journey of all let us not be bound by the past, but explorers of our undiscovered selves and life with the many many things in life to discover within ourselves and all the possibilities to create.
Stephen Rowlands 11/06/18
There is no greater altar than your heart, churches and temples are reflections of heart and mind, ascended master teachings and symbolic icons are focus for heart and mind, in a physical world of human consciousness, life and creation is the religion of the soul, Love connects heart and mind, to all creation let love be the power and teaching of heart and mind.
Inspired by Marvin Spirit Guide
Stephen Rowlands 20/05/18
As a spiritualist healer and medium, I know that we are all guided and that guidance is all around us, if we can lift our consciousness enough to be aware, of the guiding thoughts, synchronicities, messages, that are within and around us daily, from the universe and spirit as all things and everything is connected in creation, we as humankind have turned our back on creation, we have polluted or destroyed much of our mother earth, for our own need for survival and gain we take but we do not give back, do we not realise that all that made earth and sky created us to.
We are a miniscule spark of a beautiful creation on a personal level this is a totally amazing realisation, and I stand in awe of creation I cannot truly put the emotion into words, we as the collective human race need to realise this simple truth fast, not only our connectedness to mother earth and all life on earth, but to each other and be aware that through the life giving force of creation we are all brothers and sisters, not nationalities, religions, or colour, we are brothers and sisters, this truth should bring us all together, not divide us we are divided by our need to be tribal a herd animal that follows it’s leader, coupled with a need for power which empowers greed, no wonder the world is in the state it is in today.
My spirit guides feel that spiritualists are moving away from the teachings of spiritual life, to the mechanics of spirit communication and channeling energy, spirit are trying to tell us more than ever, to attune our hearts, minds, thoughts, and actions to love, in truth we are here individually and collectively to learn how to love, not only each other but ourselves to, many people over the years have said to me that they do not love themselves, how can we love life or another person if we cannot love ourselves, walking a spiritual pathway is not easy as we have to practice what we learn and preach, we have to live a spiritual way of life in a material world from within and without through our actions, I am not preaching as 8 years ago I was a mental and spiritual mess, when spirit called me back into service my spirit guide Red Cloud, told me in no uncertain terms I would have to practice what I had been preaching, if I wanted to heal and come back into service this was the best advice to give me at the time, as I developed on my journey living and speaking my truth with love, kindness, and compassion through a open heart, my life has become content, at peace with myself, and magical in creation.
Evidential Mediumship can teach us nothing but what we already know, but does bring upliftment when we are connected via a medium to our loved ones in spirit, all things are born from creation and it is through creation within and without, that we become what we are meant to be or not, through our choices creation is life a beautiful gift we have been bestowed with, and we should individually and collectively learn and grow through the way of life on creations path, then we individually and collectively become attuned to all that created earth and sky, this is by far the higher realm of consciousness that spirit wish us to seek out, evidence of survival after death only takes us to the first step, the journey of learning, becoming, and being, is eternal let us seek more and walk as far as we can, rather than making a rut for ourselves going no further than the first step.
It is in this great comprehensive school of life here on mother earth, where we do our learning, we are all in our different classrooms as we are all on varying levels of understanding, people ask why there is so much cruelty in the world, it is because of our varying levels of understanding, there are those who choose to be selfish and arrogant, there are those who will get what they need at any cost, no matter who or what they hurt, and people who choose to live there life through violence to achieve there goals, there are religions who try to push there way of thinking on us, the teachings of spirit tell us to treat these people with love, kindness, and compassion, through our way of life to help raise there level of consciousness to love, spirituality has taught me to at times to step onto the back foot into the moment when I am angry, to realise the great peace that is all around us within the moment, and the understanding and awareness that comes with peace, once a work colleague had made me very angry by his sarcastic and ignorant words, placing himself above me and my station in life, I came home raging with anger, and in that moment I realised I was only hurting myself, as the emotion of anger was ripping me emotionally apart, my thoughts of anger towards my work colleague were incredibly low negative and violent, I realised that I was sending out bursts of negative energy, to my work colleague which would be harmful to him, and really taking my whole vibration to a very low and dark place, within the peace of the moment I realised he was only speaking to me from his own level of understanding, I also realised I did not know what kind of a day he was having, what had caused him to be so nasty I did not know, this made me step into my peace and truth within the moment, letting go of the anger that is so harmful to myself, allowing my thought and vibration to raise, but to send him love and understanding and ask for him to receive guidance out of his own negativity, and me putting my own spirit teachings into action, by learning how to love we have to learn how to forgive, as I said the spiritual pathway is not an easy path to walk, but very necessary for our personal and collective evolution.
This blog is based on a inspired address from my spirit guides, I gave at Uxbridge Spiritualist Church Hinton Road, 29/04/18 as I truly believe one lesson leads into lesson until we reach the greater whole and so on, my Dad has been very close to me in spirit, as there are great and positive changes happening for me in my personal life, as I walked out onto the platform that Sunday night, the organist was playing How Great Thou Art, which is my Dads favourite hymn I thought “thanks Dad” as I sat down to prepare for the divine service that evening, I also felt so truly loved knowing that my Dad was so close to me at this time, I thought the first verse of this hymn is about creation, that is when my spirit guides stepped in to inspire me with the address, as I was about to round off the inspired address, my spirit guides stepped closer to me and said “tell them to live each moment in life with love” Thankyou for Reading.
Pic 1, the prayer of St Francis of Assisi, to me is the true meaning of being a channel for spirit, and gives us so much to learn.
Pic 2, The Desiderata was the reading given at the service.
Pic 3, My Spirit Guide Red Cloud.
Pic 4, me and my Dad
Stephen Rowlands 07/05/18
Perhaps my life so far has been just a dream, my dream ebbs away into yesterday as I become conscious of the new day, a heart without hurt, a mind without torment, a soul without regret, is surely a miraculous thing as the morning sun heralds in a new day, as I awaken to this new dawn serene in heart and mind, what about my lady is she just a dream, my heart fills with loving warmth as I contemplate the dream, my heart knowing she is my love today and everyday.
My thoughts conspire a new invention to live life as a lucid dream, for the future is the undiscovered country for me to explore, and create with calm mind and good heart, no longer just a dream but a garden of creation as Eden once fabled was, the apple bitten the snake defied, I can now journey on my path with love as my guide.
It is the second anniversary of starting my life changing diet, and over a year from writing about my diet, and the mindfulness needed to diet, I have maintained my weight loss for fourteen months, I feel it is important to write about and discuss maintaining weight loss, as now I have discovered that maintaining weight loss at times, is actually tougher than dieting, like many people I have successfully lost weight a few times in my life, but always put that weight back on which to me seems to make the object of dieting pointless, and can lead to a lack of self worth, but due to my diabetes 2, it is very important for me to maintain my weight loss, to stay healthy and promote my quality of life, my obesity also put me at high risk of a heart attack or stroke, this fact has also helped me to focus on my weight loss and the maintenance of my weight loss.
The lesson is now learned how very important our personal health is, especially for the quality of life we can expect for ourselves, as we get older I will be 58 years old in May 2018, the fact is obesity especially in later years can be the cause of illness that we would not have, if we had maintained a healthy lifestyle and diet, by focussing on my personal health and wellbeing, it gave me the necessary momentum to create the mindfulness (willpower), needed to diet and lose weight and maintain my weight loss, our bodies are our vehicle in this life do we not maintain our cars, to keep them running for as long as possible, we must apply the same principle to our bodies, by being mindful of what we put into our bodies, and what foods are going to help our bodies, run smoothly throughout our lives, please do not be ignorant like myself and just think our symptoms, aches, and pains the things we can no longer do are just down to age, since losing my weight my symptoms, aches, and pains have lessened to a degree, that I can physically do so much more with a lot more energy.
Maintaining weight loss is for me all about balance, between a healthy diet and the naughty treats I can enjoy along the way, I was shocked when I first read the do not haves on the diabetes 2 sheet, it was everything I love to eat, but after months of abstinence until I reached my weight goal, I can now enjoy a weekly naughty treat, dieting and weight loss and maintenance of said weight loss, is not all doom and gloom as long as we can set our goals, and work towards achieving them, below I will list five tips that have helped me to diet and maintain my weight loss.
1, Be mindful of what you are eating, you know your body your likes and dislikes, better than anyone else, look at healthy alternatives to what you are eating, that you also enjoy eating.
2, Weigh yourself weekly so you can monitor your weight on a +/- scale, so you can plan your next week’s food shop, and whether a naughty treat can be had,
3, excersise is also very important to diet and maintenance of weight loss, it does not mean you have to go to the gym doing exhausting work outs, making us more tempted to visit the cake shop, walking is the best calorie burner known to man, walk when you can rather than drive, walk for recreation to, in the park or along a river walking is so good for heart and mind, it really promotes wellbeing on all levels.
4, Allow yourself one naughty treat a week, but keep to a healthy diet and excersise when you can for the other six days, this works for me as I have a very slow metabolism but we are all different, so factor in your naughty treat when it is right for you.
5, I love to drink alcohol but it is also very fattening and a depressant, so I keep my alcohol consumption to a minimum, to help me diet and promote my mental wellbeing, it is up to you how much alcohol you consume, but by being mindful of how much we drink, can help us in dieting and maintenance of weight loss, and give us a much clearer and calmer head to tackle our daily lives.
Thankyou for reading Blessings to you on your life journey.
Stephen Rowlands 15/04/18
Destiny and fate the two big questions in life that I have often dismissed with freewill, I have always believed whatever way you go in life you will reach the destiny you have created, and that will become your fate yes freewill is choice and through choice we engineer our lives, my life is going through some big changes right now, yes I am making my choices but somehow I feel it is all guided, which makes me feel very blessed I live within the realisation, that spirit can see the big picture that we cannot possibly see, from our limited perception of time and space, do spirit extrapolate possible outcomes from our choices, and gently guide us to the best possible outcome, often through our own freewill we choose to ignore guidance from spirit, but what I do know is that spirit gently guide us through heart and mind.
For spirit guidance to be successful our hearts and minds must be flowing with the natural flow of life, not with everyone else’s natural flow but our own, this is why we should truly seek who and what we are meant to be, not from the external world but from heart and mind, with spiritualism I had found my niche in life, and serving spirit gave me an identity and a completeness, I had found my true self but mistakenly I wanted to be like everyone else, because I felt alone felt different from everyone else and in the public eye, is a very lonely place so off I went in search of a “normal” life, and to be honest failed miserably by being what I am not, over the coming years my spiritual service faded to virtually nothing, just a few services a year and the odd friend or stranger that my spiritual awareness could be of use to.
Autumn 2008 I found myself in a big rut I was living with my girlfriend, all I was doing was working and paying bills, my spiritual work was virtually non existent, I was lost going nowhere fast, I looked up to the sky opened my heart and mind, and said “Angels please help me find my purpose in life, let me fulfill my purpose in life, I know I was meant for more than this”. In hindsight now I know that my prayer was answered, looking back everything I did not need was taken away from me, people, places, which allowed me to become aware and develop my inner self and life purpose, on a spiritual pathway.
When I first moved into my flat 23/07/10 it was due to my girlfriend, going out to a nice italian restaurant for dinner, with the wealthy husband of a elderly and sick lady she was caring for, in her job as a carer in a care home we had a big argument about it, I was very angry with her as I was paying off the debt collection agencies, who were pursuing her for unpaid bills, aswell as supporting the home we lived in along with my own finances, it left me little or no money for myself I was working very long hours just to survive, having said all this I still loved her very much, you may think of me as being very foolish, as I have always believed in the power of love, it was through my belief in love that I managed to woo her back to me, in hindsight this was a big mistake as she was only luring me back for my paycheque, the power of love can only work if the love is genuinly felt on both sides, we talked alot and I truly thought she could see the error of her ways, and was going to change we lived apart whilst I saved some money. Christmas Day 2010 I found myself drunk and alone, sitting on my bed in my flat after a big argument and break up with my girlfriend, her parting shot was that I would die a very lonely old man, that remark really stuck in my guts, but it has since inspired me to be the best that I can be, I thought to myself I cannot carry on like this things must change.
Through my drunken mind my native American spirit guide Red Cloud, managed to tell me not to forget that I am a healer and medium, and that I should get back to being what I truly am and serve spirit, everything else had failed especially in my relationships, and working long hours as a security officer on a zero hour contract, things definitely needed to change, the thought of going back into spiritual service was a real light bulb moment for me, I had often foolishly raged at people for not seeing me as I am, and had been when in truth they could only see what I had become, the truth being I was now a total mess, I remembered the feeling I got when spirit uplifted someone through my mediumship, the travel and some of the lovely and deeply spiritual people I had met along the way, the friendships that I had made and the respect that myself and my spirit team had earned.
In that moment spirit had become my lighthouse, I was a ship on a mental and spiritual stormy sea trying to navigate my way home, mainly due to my anger with myself and the narcissistic relationships I had been in, and the lies that had been told, Red Cloud again came to me and said you need to practice what you preach and find yourself again, if you wish to improve your life and serve us again, I reminded myself that the spiritual path is a way of life, a way of life that nurtures not only ourselves but all we come into contact with, and at the time I very much needed a path to follow and a different way of life to what I had been living.
My Native American Spirit Guide Red Cloud
The next day boxing Day 2010 hungover I had to pull myself together quickly, as I was working a 12 hour security day shift at Fujitsu in Bracknell, I was very upset over my relationship break up, and was foolishly missing her over a period of time I began to realise, that my ex girlfriend had given me my life back which is a sacred gift, I now had the power to create the kind of life I wanted and needed to live, this compensated for the fact that she needed my paycheque more than she ever needed me, another realisation that was painful but taught me a great lesson, that there are people out there who will feign love, to meet there material needs it still amazes me that people can stoop that low, love speaks and is understood in actions not just words, from that day on I started to pull my mental and spiritual act together, by inwardly and outwardly practising what I preach, I started to pray for the first time in years, and send out absent healing.
In early January 2011 I felt very drawn to go to Slough Spiritualist Church, so I went along to the clairvoyance evening they have there on a Wednesday night, as it made sense as I was now beginning to walk a spiritual pathway again, to go back to where my spiritual pathway had begun, I received a warm welcome picked up my song book and found myself a seat, I really felt like the prodigal son going back there, I wondered how the people I knew at Slough back in the day, would think of me seeing the mess I had become, the realisation of this saddened me but I only had myself to blame for what I had become, as I sat there I realised it was 28 years near enough to the day, that I first served Slough Spiritualist Church as a medium, and it made me wonder where I would be spiritually, if I had not walked away from the spiritual path.The medium that evening was Nigel Townsend and it was good to see that he had a strong connection with spirit, and he was giving some very good evidential and uplifting messages from spirit, he came to me telling me my nan and granddad were with me, this was odd as nan and granddad had never come together before, they had always given me messages separately and never had come together, “I’m in for a rollocking I thought” Nigel described my grandparents to me and then gave me the message from them, describing my mental and spiritual state and the ups and downs I had been going through, Nigel shook his head and said to me ” I don’t know why your grandparents are calling you this, but they are calling you the ghost whisperer and laughing” and they are telling you to leave the past in the past and carry on, I knew exactly what my grandparents had meant by calling me the ghost whisperer, I chuckled to myself and thought little do you know Nigel, but my nan and granddads words gave me great encouragement, to follow my spiritual pathway, I was very humbled that spirit were calling me back to service, and I was determined to become the best possible healer and medium I could become.
Spiritual Medium Nigel Townsend at Slough Spiritualist Church
Although my break up with my girlfriend was percieved by myself as a very negative time, I was very lonely I was used to people being around when I got home, and yes I missed the company of a woman, and tried online dating to get back in the saddle, my facebook friends told me it was way to soon to be looking for a new relationship, and they were right as I was mentally and emotionally not ready for a new relationship, I realised I would have to let go of the past, with all its trials and hurt, and love myself for who I am if I was to move forward and to be prepared for what life has to offer, I was actually taking the first steps of a journey of transformation, that would lead to self discovery and the greatest lesson ever to live and speak my truth through an open heart.
I became friends with a beautiful soul and very gifted lady, Jane Lorraine Goodman who works and serves with Angels and spirit, who I believe was sent by the Angels to help me to see the errors of my ways, and to help me to focus and prepare myself for the new pathway, the Angels were opening up for me and I had to change my ways, as I was still drinking and smoking way to much, my drinking was reinforcing my negativity and keeping me in a dark place, lowering my vibration and smoking was clogging my etheric field, drinking heavily and smoking were making it very difficult for Angels and spirit to communicate with me, I remember one evening Jane came to visit me, I was drunk and babbling on about my love for Shakespeare, and that I would love to take her to a Shakespeare play, as Jane stomped out of my door she said to me “you wont be able to take me anywhere you will be to drunk” I shouted back to her “I will show you”, I know Jane felt at the time that I was not listening to her, but believe me I was listening to every word she said, by talking to Jane it was helping me to grieve over and understand the past, and a good injection of common sense from Jane which I very much needed, it was also good to be able to talk a fellow medium, who would understand where I was coming from, Jane text me not long after she walked out of my flat, to tell me she was backing away from me as she felt she was becoming a crutch for me, this I understood and the best thing she could have done at the time, as I very much needed to stand on my own two feet mentally and emotionally, it felt strange even lonely not having Jane around to talk to, I remembered my words to show her that I could change and make something of myself, and become what I am meant to be Jane always told me I have a beautiful heart, so I set about healing my heart living and speaking my truth through my heart, also becoming the kind and compassionate being that I am, cutting back on alcohol and cigarettes helped very much in this process not only my physical, mental, and spiritual, health I was also gaining a stronger and much clearer connection to Angels and spirit, a year went by and I bought two tickets to see A Midsummer Nights Dream, at Regents Park Open Air Theatre in London, I phoned Jane and invited her to come and see A Midsummer Nights Dream with me, I was very happy that she accepted my invitation, as we sat there in the theatre awaiting the play to start I turned to her and said “I told you I would take you to see a shakespeare play” she laughed and she said so you were listening, it was a wonderful performance myself and Jane had a lovely evening, we remain friends to this day I will forever be indebted to Jane, for helping me and guiding me on my path, Jane will forever be my Angel Lady.
The Lovely Jane Lorraine Goodman My Angel Lady
from my talks with Jane I was very conscious that I should not be making the same mistakes again, especially where women were concerned and not getting myself into another narcissistic relationship, it meant not repeating my old behaviours in other words, seeking sex and not thinking of the consequences of sex, and being lured into a relationship by where I would fulfill one need or another, when the need had been fulfilled whether it be protection or money I was cast aside when someone better came along or I had run out of money, which made me very angry and bitter, I had to let go of all past hurts and let go of the misconceptions of myself I had built up over the years, I was no longer the peoples medium of yesteryear, In fact my awareness to spirit had dropped significantly, although still doing a few services a year, the standard of my mediumship had dropped to a unacceptable level, so I had to go back to being myself I am naturally a big softy, and whatever anyone says about mediumship, the foremost upmost important thing is love and compassion within the heart, without it we cannot attune properly to spirit as they vibrate on pure unconditional love, or be of service to spirit for all so I had to let go of all the geezer hard man bullshit, of some of my less than savoury work on the door or frontline security.
I had asked God Angels and Guides to guide me to my purpose, and to help me live my purpose, I realised that everything I didn’t need was stripped or being stripped away from me, the angels were testing me presenting me with conditions, to see how I would react to them, to see if I would react with anger, or mix with the type of people I had mixed with before, and repeat old behaviours would I continue drinking, in other words was I letting go of the past, and behaviours in heart and mind that did not serve my greater good, once I realised I was being tested it helped me to focus on my greater good, to become what I am truly meant to be and made the process of letting go of all past hurts so much easier, to be honest I cannot blame the divine being for testing me as so much, was being invested in me for future service, if their is one thing that I have learned over the past eight years, is that life is a state of heart and mind, their is a teaching that everything comes when it is the right time, little do we realise that we have to be right in heart and mind, before anything can come of benefit to our greater good, or the lessons will keep coming to guide us to our greater good, so I say to all be true to yourselves and life, fill your hearts with love and compassion let go of the anger and bitterness of the past, spiritual development is not an easy pathway to walk and it is certainly not for the weak in heart and mind, although we all have the potential to become more enlightened and happier.
The last few years have been a great journey of self discovery, and spiritual development for me, and there have been so many blessings along the way, in service and in friendships old and new, and I can see and have been told by fellow mediums, how spirit engineered getting me out of a toxic way of life, and back onto the spiritual pathway of service and development, fast forwarding to today in 2018 whilst I am not doing the 100+ services a year, I once did and hoped to do again my service to spirit and mediumship has changed, people now come to me for spiritual guidance and healing, I teach spiritual development and still do some platform demonstrations, give private readings and are doing more transfiguration and trance demonstrations, I also started this blog because people wanted to know how I lost weight, and through this blog I share my journey and spiritual teaching, along with all this I have realised that I need to give spirit more time to work through me, my work as a security officer had to go as it took up way to much of my time, I have secured a job working 37.5 hours a week which is as good as semi retirement for me, and it gives me and spirit the time to work together.
I believe change however perceived, positive or negative is an opportunity to grow, today 11/05/18 I gave my letting agent notice to end my tenancy on my flat, as I am moving away from Slough, to live and share life with my soulmate Veronica, as soon as I sent the email I felt a sense of loss and letting go, over the past 8 years living here at my flat I realised my flat had become my chrysalis, from broken man to emerging from my chrysalis a transformed man, for me, where I have conquered my demons regained my self worth, found peace in my heart and life, beaten diabetes 2 and maintaining healthy weight loss, and growing spiritually, 23/06/18 I am now living with my lovely girlfriend Veronica, I am also training for my PVC licence with a bus company life is good.
Stephen Rowlands 23/06/18
Be still as the candle flame, and in the stillness stand in your truth, the world may change, but the truth of your spirit will never change, be still as the storms of life pass over you, the truth of spirit speaking softly to you, will sustain you until the sunrise’s again.
Inspired By Spirit Guide Jacob 25/02/18
Wondering how to write about my 35 years of service to spirit, I cannot remember everything in chronological order, but I have many memories, and often find myself relaying those memories to others, by saying I will tell you a story, a story that fits in with the conversation at the time, and hopefully inspires and teaches at the same time, so now with this blog I will relay to you my memories, and I really hope you enjoy reading my story.
During my time of sitting in development circle and attending Slough Spiritualist Church, there were a few people who would encourage me, on my spiritual pathway as a developing healer and medium, but there were also a few who saw me as a complete upstart, due to my young age and inexperience of life, there was a lot of talk about me some to my face and some behind my back, as to my suitability to become a platform medium, and unfortunately some would speak unkindly about me to the demonstrating medium that evening, two mediums I remember in particular were Marjorie Nolan and Mrs Weekes, Marjorie Nolan said to me one evening from the platform, that I was not spiritually gifted at all and maybe in 10 years time, I maybe able to pick up a glimmer of something from spirit, and to stop wasting spirits energy, and that I would never be good enough to work on the platform, the church was full everyone looking at me as she tore my character and my personality to shreds, with a very smug looking Frank the church president smirking at me, I was 19 years old and I felt totally decimated when I left the church that evening, Mrs Weekes was just plain horrid to me on and off the platform, one time outside of the church, she asked me my star sign, I told her my star sign was Gemini, she then ripped into me telling me all that was negative about being a Gemini, the real dark side of the star sign and she told me that the dark side of Gemini was me.
One evening I walked into church and sitting in the foyer, was the lovely medium Mrs Brotherton, a medium who always demonstrated with a lot of humour, as her spirit guides would always show her pies and sausages floating above peoples heads, Frank the church president was arguing with a lady about me, saying that I would never make a platform medium, the lady arguing in my defence saying how would you know he has a lot of life ahead of him, I did not know what to say so I went into the church and sat down, although I was angry with Frank for talking about me in that way, during the demonstration of mediumship Mrs Brotherton came to me with a message from spirit, telling me I was very gifted and one day a door would open, and all my gifts would be waiting for me, and many people would come to watch and listen to me, and through the gifts of spirit great teaching healing and upliftment would be given through me, I was obviously over the moon with the message, I had received from spirit as it was a endorsement of my spiritual pathway, and service to spirit, also wiping the smug smirk off Frank’s face was pure gold, although 39 years later I have not reached the state of development that spirit spoke of that night, I live in the knowledge that life is a process of spiritual development, and all will come at the right time if I continue to develop, so I say to all young and old know in your heart that you wish to serve spirit, stay within your truth and go as far as spirit wish to take you, I knew within my own heart that I had found my niche in life, and serving spirit from the platform was something that I was going to do, no amount of criticism was going to deter me from my purpose and pathway.
In 1982 I had not sat for spiritual development for 2 years, my spirit guides were constantly saying to me, “We want to work through you on the platform” this nagging went on and on, until finally I gave up and said to them “OK I GIVE UP YOU WIN, I WILL WORK ON THE PLATFORM, BUT IF I MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF, ITS ALL YOUR FAULT.” And I started writing to local churches, offering myself to serve their churches on the platform. As I had not opened to spirit for a couple of years, except to send out absent healing , or channel healing in the healing sanctuary, I needed to re establish my link with spirit, so I joined a open development circle, at Slough Spiritualist Church. The circle was run by a guy called Harry and his lady wife, I have never liked open circles as I feel they are dangerous, because people can come and go on a weekly basis, so the energies change, a lot because of this also you don’t know what level of spirit people are bringing in with them, but this open circle had a few regular sitters, so it should be ok to sit, and attune my mediumship with spirit again.
We sat typically male female next to each other, to balance the energies the idea being, that the male energy would protect the female energy, if a lower form spirit got into the circle. I was sat next to a young lady named Sue, every week she would bring through in trance, a spirit claiming to be Mary Queen of Scots. But something did not feel right with this spirit, so I went along to Langley Library, and researched the life of Mary Queen of Scots, now armed with the necessary information, I went along to open circle to check this spirit out, but methinks this spirit was one step ahead of me, and was aware of my plans to check her or it out. As we sat I spoke to the spirit, as it was coming through Sue in trance, Sue’s head was turned to face me, her eyes were big and jet black her face contorted with anger, the vibration of rage, became stronger and stronger in the room. As this spirit was moving Sue’s head to look at other sitters, the spirit seemed to be linking with other sitters, because as soon as she had looked at them, the sitters were overcome by a strong feeling of nausea, a couple of people started vomiting.
My breathing got deeper and deeper, it was my Zulu guide Zangu, starting to come through me in trance, I was very happy for Zangu to come through, and allowed him to do so, as I had no idea of how to get rid of this evil spirit. Through me in trance Zangu, cut the energy lines between the evil spirit and the sitters, people were starting to recover, then Zangu turned me towards Sue and the evil spirit, and channeling very powerful energy through me, looking out of myself I could see lots of different coloured, beams of light shooting out of me, reds, yellows, blues, coming from me and into Sue’s aura, to expel the evil spirit from her, a couple of minutes later the evil spirit was expelled from Sue, and sent back to wherever it came from. Zangu stepped back from me but my oriental guide Sun Si Sin, stepped into me in trance, and spoke through me to the circle about protection, he reminded the circle to make sure the circle was protected, as well as each sitter should make sure they are protected, as there are low level spirit that are attracted to the light of the circle, and will want to attach themselves to the sitters, as was the case with the so called Mary Queen of Scots.
My oriental guide stood back and I regained my senses, Harry then appeared to go into “trance,” and he said virtually what my oriental guide had said, I was a bit put out by this, but hey ho each to there own, I was glad the circle and sitters were safe. I was also perturbed by the lack of understanding, for the need of spiritual protection, as it had been drummed into me at Berenice’s circle, I had put my protection in place during the opening prayer, that is why I was unaffected by the low level spirit, which was good really as someone with protection, and strong spirit guides was there to sort the situation out. I only needed this circle to regain my attunement to spirit, so would only stay in it for as long as was necessary.
On another evening in Harry’s open circle, he wanted to try out new things with us, so he asked each of us to bring in a personal item, so we could do psychometry on each others items, and give readings from the items, for those who do not know what psychometry is, everything is energy and energy has its own vibrational frequency, so everything we wear or touch, we imprint our own vibrational frequency on it. those who are sensitive and can read and understand vibration, are very good at psychometry, you could give someone a reading off their socks if necessary, simply because the wearer had imprinted their vibration onto the socks, I do get some funny looks when I say that but it is true. I had already done some psychometry in Berenice’s circle, so was happy to do psychometry again, as it would help with my attunement, as being able to read vibration as a medium is very important. As spirit do communicate a lot with emotion, and yes our emotions have their own vibrational frequency, to as I said everything is energy.
I was handed a silver pocket watch by Hannah one of the sitters, as I held the pocket watch in my hand, within my minds eye I could see an old man digging up cabbages, I felt strongly the old man was Hannah’s Grandfather, and that he had trouble with his knees in life, I relayed this information to Hannah, and she confirmed the watch belonged to her Grandfather, and that he had an allotment, and one of her memories of him, was of him digging up cabbages on his allotment. I was pleased I was able to pick this information up, and connect Hannah with her Grandfather, I passed the pocket watch back to her, and she gasped I said what’s a matter, she said this watch has not worked for years but now its working, and sure enough the pocket watch was ticking away, I cannot say why the watch started working, after years of not working, but it confirms to me Hannah’s Grandfather was with her.
I left Harry’s circle a few weeks later, as I felt it had served its purpose, my attunement to spirit had been regained on a mediumnistic level, on 5th January 1983 I did my first ever solo platform, at Slough Spiritualist Church, this was a big test for me and spirit, for me to prove to myself and others, that I am a platform medium, and for spirit to back there mouth up and work through me on platform, as they had been nagging me to do, for the previous 2 years the night was a success, and I was now assured that spirit truly wanted to work through me on platform, doing public demonstrations of mediumship.
I was approached by Ann Pert a stalwart of Slough Spiritualist Church, and medium of 40 plus years, a sweet but very strong lady who was in her mid eighties, to demonstrate mediumship for her spiritualist group at the old Slough library, I was very honoured to be asked by Ann to serve her group, as she was a knowledgeable and respected medium, as I was in between jobs at the time, I agreed to serve spirit at her group on a Wednesday afternoon, the Wednesday afternoon came along the meeting was held in a large room on the second floor of the library, I walked in and there was Ann with around 30 pensioners sitting in a circle, Ann then dropped the bombshell, that she expected everyone to get a message from spirit, I told her I did not think I would be able to give everyone a message, but would certainly give it a try, after the opening prayer I commenced to give messages from spirit, the energy was very strong that day, and we managed to give everyone a short message from spirit, although afterwards I was very tired and mentally drained, there was one old gentleman who has remained in my memory since that day, alas I cannot remember his name but during his message, spirit were talking to him about his automatic writing, for those who do not know what automatic writing is, it is where spirit guide the hand of the channel, to write the words they wish to communicate, afterwards he struck up a conversation with me about his automatic writing, as I remember a very interesting conversation, as he had been automatic writing for years, he visited me at my home a couple of times to show me his automatic writing, he had thousands of pages of writing containing teaching and messages from spirit, if only it could have been made into a book, it could have helped so many understand the workings of spirit life and the universe, a lovely man and a true servant of spirit, I will always remember him,
I began writing to churches to see if they would book me to serve them as a platform medium, back in the day before email and facebook that’s how we did it, to get cancellation work last minute bookings when the serving medium, could not demonstrate that evening, one of the first churches that got back to me was Maidenhead Spiritualist Church, as the medium had cancelled for that evening, she told me that she had tried ten other mediums, but they were unavailable so we thought we would try you, at the time I used to walk right in front of the person to give them their message from spirit, this led to a few complaints as people in the congregation, liked to see and hear the medium from the front not twisting their necks around to see the medium, I replied that’s how I work, I was told they were happy with the work done that evening, but if I wished to serve their church again, I had to learn to speak from the front of the church, so from that day on with my guides we learned to give messages from the front of the church, although the energy seemed weaker from the front, but it gradually grew stronger and it was a very valuable lesson for me to learn.
I learned in Berenice’s circle to take my shoes off when working with spirit, for earth power, as spirit are a form of energy, that we have not learned how to record and measure as yet, but it was best to be earthed for safety reasons, as you have an earth on an electric plug. And to draw natural power from the earth, so I went around the church platforms, demonstrating mediumship not wearing my shoes, I became known as the medium who takes his shoes off, one night at Hayes Spiritualist Church, I kept my shoes on as the church had been flooded, and the floor was still wet, I was concerned I might get a bit of trench foot, but was also concerned blocking earth power may affect my link with spirit, but my need to protect my feet won, I went onto the platform and demonstrated mediumship, the demonstration went well, and after the demonstration a guy sitting in a wheelchair with no legs approached me. He said to me “my guides are telling me you should keep your shoes off when on the platform” he had never seen me demonstrate before, and had no knowledge of me not wearing my shoes whilst demonstrating, WOW I thought what a way to teach me, spirit send me a man with no legs to tell me to keep my shoes off, I will never ever forget how spirit got the message to me, that night and often use that memory, to teach students how spirit work.
I met a lot of lovely people at Hayes Spiritualist Church, and I have fond memories of them all, particularly Bert, and Rocky, Margaret Hanks, Anne Walker, Annie, Ida Escott, Derek Thurlbeck, and Mark Deville. I remember one night giving Derek Thurlbeck a message from platform, his Egyptian guide was telling him via me, he was going to move away from mediumship and teach spiritual philosophy, the world had enough mediums it needed more teachers. Derek was very put out about this message, and he approached me angrily after the service he said to me, ” I am going to be a medium, I am meant to be a medium not a philosopher, you got that all wrong.” I replied “we shall see” 10 years later I was at a church somewhere, and a person said to me “do you know Derek Thurlbeck” I replied yes I know him the person, told me Derek had now given up his mediumship, and was teaching philosophy, well blow me down I replied, I told Derek 10 years ago he would be doing philosophy, and he did not believe me, teaching me we should never doubt what spirit tell us, because they can see the bigger picture a lot more than we can.
One of the platform mediums of the day who I really admired, and looked up to was Derek Markwell, very energetic, funny, and a great communicator for spirit, I suppose I actually took on some of his style when demonstrating, because the way he would communicate the address and spirit messages, in a down to earth way would really touch people on a heart level, raising the energy and vibration making spirit communication so much easier, for spirit and Derek as the channel, rather than some of the more flowery monotone mediums of the day, his services were very uplifting for all those who attended.
I was serving Ashford Spiritualist Church one summers evening in 1986, it was a Sunday service, I was met by Sheila a lady who I knew from Bracknell Spiritualist Church, she informed me that Derek Markwell who was now sadly suffering from MS and his lady wife were to be present for the service, can you imagine my delight and terror knowing one of my platform heroes, would actually be sitting in the congregation watching me demonstrate mediumship, and the thought of Derek being in the congregation quite honestly terrified me, it was like all my spiritual development and myself were under the microscope, as Derek Markwell was a medium who I truly respected, as I stepped up to the platform I took my jacket off to hang over the chair, swung my jacket round from my shoulder and knocked a vase of flowers flying, smashing the vase and flowers on the floor, “Oh Shame Where Is Thy Blush” I really wanted the ground to open up and swallow me, I could not apologise enough, the congregation erupted in laughter and I was hoping the destroyed flowers were not a bad omen for the service.
From experience myself and my spirit guides settled quickly to regain our link, as it is the quality of the communication that is paramount, not the mediums embarrassment, it came the time to give the inspired address, I looked at Derek and he looked back at me with so much support in his eyes it was very humbling for me I looked at my guides and said to them “Lets Do It” and we carried on after the service, Sheila came to me and said to me “Derek wants to speak with you” OMG I thought he is going to tell me I’m crap, and that I was under developed to be a platform medium, as he struggled to walk towards me on his walking sticks, I said to Derek “its ok Derek I will come to you” he replied Its ok son I will come to you, he walked up to me looked me straight in the eye and said, “you carry on son great service you carry on” I was absolutely relieved he did not tell me off, and it was so amazing to be encouraged by one of my peers, I told him he was one of my heroes and that I had always admired his work, he said don’t be daft son we do what we do for spirit, I will always treasure this memory.
Back in the year 1985 I was preparing to do a demonstration, at Guildford Spiritualist Church, it was a Sunday service so a inspired address, from my spirit guides was a part of the service, my guides had not given me any idea, on what they would like to inspire me to say, but we usually waited until a inspirational paragraph, from a book or a passage from the Bible had been read, then my guides would let me know what to say from the reading, as the reading would become the subject of the address, the vice president of the church at the time, a lady called Vanda sat opposite me, with a book on her lap entitled reaching out, on seeing this my guide a mandarin drew in close to me, inspiring me with the words to say do we not all reach out for something.
We all reach out for the love of another, we all reach out to be understood by others, we all reach out for kindness compassion and strength from others, we all reach out to others to help us to be successful in life, but few reach within to the spirit, where love, understanding strength, kindness, compassion, our drive for success are in abundance, we always look outwards for what we need in life, and it is the cause of a lot emotional pain, when we have the expectation for our emotional and material needs to be fulfilled from external sources, when everything we need for a wholesome life, in a material world are within.
It is a simple truth that all the answers we need are within us, many scoff at this simple truth, and prefer to seek answers from outside of themselves, all we get from that is another persons experience, other than our own that maybe right or wrong for us, and can lead to further personal disasters and torment, looking within to seek the answers we need, means we are connecting with our own truth, and once the answers are found, we can action them and live by our own truth, but first we must put aside all external influences in life, breathe and be silently listening out for the inner voice, that tells us how we truly feel and the best way forward for us in life, the world and the universe is governed by freewill, it is the freewill of everything that effects everything in our lives.
Many feel useless to have any control over there lives, because they feel the freewill of everything controls them, and they could not be more wrong because it is us that dictates our life from within, to surrender the power of our own personal truth is a great betrayal of ourselves, to the control of everything, we are living life the way everything wants us to be, we must connect to the spirit within, seek out our own personal truth and live by it, and not be afraid of how others will perceive us, as long as the way we live life does no harm to others, why cannot we live by our own truth, as spirit we are love, kindness, tolerance, compassion, that is the beauty of who we truly are, so we must reach out with love, kindness, tolerance, and compassion, for ourselves and all others, this is the way and truth of spirit.
Stephen Rowlands 15/02/18
Sitting here just breathing and being my thoughts come alive, and I will think out loud and share with you whatever my thoughts may be, well life has led me this far, and I must say I am very happy with where my head and heart is at right now, and the four walls I dwell within, it is a day I wish time would stand still just for now, as everything is just perfect here in my little flat, as I reflect on my life and look out into the future, many lessons are coming to me right now, the lessons I need for my future direction and path.
After much nagging I now realise I must adapt to the new spiritual scene, now an industry not a pathway of service, but even in this modern day spirit will use whatever medium they can to transmit, universal truth whether it be church or centre, as a medium I should have enough awareness, to be able to communicate to all levels of understanding, and in this new era I should be able to communicate, the truth in a way that people can understand, but it all seems to be all so ego based.
Today’s spiritual scene seems to be more about marketing, than service to spirit and all, today celebrity status is the aim, in my day humility in service a spirit teaching, was our guide hundreds of miles we drove in all weathers, to serve spirit and demonstrate our mediumship, for petrol money now the bigger celebrity we are the bigger percentage we can take from the door, turning spirit into a industry means it has become status and profit driven, a lot of people criticise us old school mediums for doing it for expenses, but we did it for the love of spirit and our spiritual purpose to serve humankind, once we take the love out of service, it is then all about status profit and loss.
I understand that spirit need to communicate there message, to as many as possible, the spiritualist church is now dying a death, with attendance levels dropping, and churches closing due to lack of interest, the new spiritual industry is catering for those who want spirit without religion, which is fine as the universe of spirit does not have religion, and spirit rarely refer to what we term as god, what spirit do wish to communicate to us all, is the teachings of eternal life not death and how it all works, but this has all been shoved into the background, with proving evidence of survival repeatedly, to the same people over and over again.
Once evidence of survival after physical death is proven, do we really need it to be proven over and over again, or are we just testing the mediums, when I sat in spiritual development circle the spirit guide Li came through Ian in trance, he told us evidence of survival is needed for the newcomer to prove the existence of life after death, after that the newcomer can then begin there journey, of learning about universal life and the way of life, here on earth spirit want to teach, now spirit guides are shunned in churches and centres, and evidence of survival has become the mantra, at the cost of spiritual teaching spirit guides have so much to offer us, to develope spiritually to become better people, more at peace with ourselves and to lead better lives.
Loved ones in spirit who communicate there survival after physical death, sharing memories and giving advice to there loved ones on the earth plane, via a medium does bring much needed comfort and support to the bereaved, so evidence of survival does have its place, in a demonstration of mediumship as the whole aim of spiritual mediumship, is to bring upliftment to people in need, messages from spirit guides are very much frowned upon, I myself and other mediums have been banned from churches, for communicating messages from spirit guides, as the general consensus is that they are not evidential, which is rubbish in my view when a spirit guide communicates to a person, what exactly is going on in there life, and descriptions of the personalities in there life, and the mental emotional and physical state of the person, that by its very nature is evidential because the medium, would not know that information about the person, so where did he/she get that information from, and to me this is also very much evidence of a afterlife.
Way back in the 1990’s I was serving spirit at Hampton on the Hill Spiritualist Church, the messages were all from spirit guides, but one particular message to a young man in his late 20’s early 30’s, was from Archangel Gabriel and Archangel Michael, they were telling the young man that he had got in with the wrong crowd, and it was destroying him at a soul level, and the Archangels gave the young man advice on how to free himself from this situation, that could possibly destroy his soul, and his soul could end up in eternal darkness, if he didn’t free himself of this condition, after the service the resident medium was very angry with me, shouting at me because I did not give evidence of survival, the booking secretary looking very disgusted said you were recommended to us, and you did not prove survival we wont be booking you again, my reply was I am here to bring upliftment to people from spirit not prove survival, at that point the young man who I had given the message from the Archangels to, came out shaking my hands vigorously, he could not thank me enough for the message, he told me he was trying to escape from satanism, and he could not thank me enough for the power and wisdom that had been given to him from the Archangels, during his message the Archangels had told him how to link with them, to help him out of this condition and to protect him, I turned to the resident medium and booking secretary, and I said ” there you go upliftment through service to angels and spirit, I do not want to serve your narrow minded church, up yours ” rude I know but hey ho.
By censoring angels and spirit as to what we allow them to communicate at public demontrations, is a real crime in my view how can you gag the eternal, how can you gag the teachings of a eternal way of life, angels guides and loved ones are all welcome to communicate there truths through me, by doing this I feel I am communicating fully, to bring the maximum upliftment to all who needs it, and I am very aware that as much as we miss our loved ones in spirit, they miss us to so connecting them with there loved ones on the earth plane, is a very loving service for me as a channel for spirit to do, but let us allow angels and spirit guides there voice, as they make us aware of the bigger picture, as I have been serving spirit for 35 years doing public demonstrations of mediumship, I feel I have the right to my opinion.
My native American spirit guide Red Cloud
Stephen Rowlands 29/01/18
In my weakness I embraced humility and it became my greatest strength, and in my strength I found my truth, a child of creation born from the stars, as all are creation, no greater than the sky no lower than the dirt, gifted and flawed acceptance of myself and others is my virtue, and by the grace of creation go I, on mother earth I stand reaching out to the sky and stars above, balance in heart and mind, with humility as my guide.
What if I were a superhero, with all the knowledge in the universe, what would I do with all knowledge in the universe, the choices I could make, the actions I could take, could be limitless and infinite, my choices and actions would depend on my heart, mind, and freewill, there is great responsibility in ruling the world, why would I want to rule the world and everything in it, for I have freewill, so I should allow all life in the world, to choose it’s own destiny through it’s own freewill as I do mine.
What if with all my knowledge, the human race thought of me as a god, but I am not a god, I would simply be the consciousness of creation, all things born from the supernova 5 billion years ago, so therefore I am not a god, I would be a consciousness interconnected with all things in the world and universe, so my consciousness would work through all of creation, all life within our world in it’s many forms and states of evolution, would it only be the human race that was aware of me, but I am connected to everything, so all life is aware of my consciousness.
What if with all my consciousness and knowledge, I tried to save the human race from self destruction, surely that would be wrong, as it would override the freewill of the human race, all I could do would be to inspire through hearts and minds, I could inspire through the greatest consciousness of all love. but if only the human race would open it’s heart and mind, as the human race has chosen greed and self over love, through love I would inspire the well fed to feed the hungry, those with shelter to provide shelter for those who have not, those who are at war to make peace with there enemies, the angry to seek out compassion within, the healthy to tend to the sick, the wealthy to distribute there wealth, for the benefit of human race and the planet.
What if I could make the human race realise from the supernova, they are all connected in truth brothers and sisters all, through love I would inspire them to break down the barriers, of nationality, colour, creed, religion, the need for greed and self. And help them to realise there is one truth, that simple truth needs many teachers, to teach of the consciousness of love, to the many levels of understanding within the world.
What if those that were aware of me chose to worship me, this would be wrong as through connection, my consciousness is within them all, I am them they are me, for those who are not aware of me, it is there freewill to keep there hearts and minds closed, through the conciousness of love and connection, I can help them to realise they are not billions of individuals, as the human race is a collective brothers and sisters all, through the choices of greed, selfishness, war, the consciousness of the human race suffers as a whole.
What if I could help the human race to look beyond it’s physical life and death, and realise consciousness cannot be destroyed or die, it is this simple truth that makes all things eternal, the simple truth is consciousness evolves as life on earth evolves, I will inspire the human race through it’s freewill is to chose love, because love is our greatest teacher, and through love the collective consciousness of the human race will evolve.
Inspired by Spirit Guide Tutankhamun
Stephen Rowlands 07/01/18 NAMASTE
Drinking coffee as the early morning awakens my consciousness, listening to the message of the birdsong, opening my mind to the power and beauty of creation within, I have written much of the undiscovered creation of the future, they say that life is the daydream within the mind of God, I am the dreamer surely God is not sleeping, as my consciousness is within the mind of God, does this mean I am sleeping to, this life must be a lucid dream in which I change my surroundings friends, lovers, home, and work, to create my perception of the life I desire.
As I sit here writing it dawns on me that people, are happy to remain within there creation, shunning change at all costs when change comes, causing much hurt to there accepted normal, change is the engine of life it happens within and around us everyday, do we not grow old from cradle to grave, should we not attain the wisdom that growing old should provide, my body is 57 years old but my mind still young and open to new things, seeking change and all life has to offer.
The message of the birdsong tells me that everyday is a new day, in heart and mind and anything is possible, as all change comes from heart and mind, and that I should always seek to better myself, in anyway I can, not only in material ways better car nicer holidays, but to seek and to grow in heart and mind, to be able to weather all that life throws at me with Love, Kindness, Compassion, and understanding. So that I may rise above all that wishes, to pull me down into the abyss, of anxiety anger and doubt.
Not many people realise that life is a journey of self discovery, much more to life than the journey of cradle to grave, life is a state of mind in which our spirit learns and grows, to remain in a state of comfortable ignorant inertia, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn and grow, we may have the bigger house, flashier car, exotic holidays, the more attractive woman, but we cannot take none of that with us, although we need to earn coloured paper and shiny buttons, to survive and be comfortable in this material earth plane, wealth in heart and mind enriches us throughout eternity, as our spirit grows and shines more brightly, within the light of God.
I have been blogging now a year today, and have written 30 blogs I hope you have enjoyed reading, I have documented my journey over the past year, as you can see it has not been easy at times, but I sit here so thankful in all I have experienced, as I fully intend to go on creating myself, with all that life intends to teach me, I am thankful for the message of the birdsong, for reminding me that all things are possible, when we grow in heart and mind and focus on being the best we can become, not only for ourselves but for all around us, and when I am called back to the spirit realm, it will be the riches of heart and mind I will be taking with me, knowing my deeds good and bad will echo in eternity, the message of the birdsong beckons in 2018, telling me to do what I love to do, and be the best I can be.
Stephen Rowlands 26/12/17
My spirit born into this physical life, to experience all emotions to live and learn how to love. It has not been easy for this fish out of water, to live this physical earthly life, programmed from birth to be like everyone else, blessed and burdened with the gifts of spirit, I was the round hole trying to fit the square peg, now I see it was all a waste of time, the peg would never fit I would have fared much better, if I had just been me focussing on my truth and not lived the lie, I was not meant to be like everyone else.
No longer will I hide my darkness behind my light, I will live in my truth and power and accept all that is within me. I am an Angel and a Demon my legacy in this life has been insight, healing, kindness, compassion, hurt, and pain, for the hurt and pain I have caused please forgive me, to those who have caused me hurt and pain, I forgive you all that matters is here within the now. I was sent to this earth to be a blessing to many, through my foolishness I wasted many a year, searching for what I am not, to you Great Spirit I apologise, to the mothers of my children I apologise, to my two sons who I left behind, I never ever stopped loving you and never will, I fought my battles loved and lost.
Realising to seek acceptance from family and peers is the journey of the fool, when acceptance of the gifted self, is the wisdom of the seeking heart and mind, many regrets have chained me down from the past, the deceivers lies slashing at my heart, finding solace in booze and speed did not comfort my heart only to amplify my bitter rage, as the hungry maggot gnawed at my guts. Living life at each end of the spectrum,, giving messages from spirit teaching mediumship, working the door drinking fighting, No longer will I listen to my demons lies, freeing me of the chains of regret, I hear the gentle loving whisper of my angel within, telling me to shine my light for all to see.
Stephen Rowlands 20/12/17
Walking away from the past, forward in motion no matter how fast I walk, I am trapped in the present. The future always just out of reach, although my conciousness perceives the future, happening all around me why do we perceive past, present, and future, as separate beings, when they are all here in this moment.
Time has no meaning in this moment, although I measure moments in time, now very aware of the spirit teaching that time has no consequence in consciousness, time only orders our physical and material lives, my body has a clock but my mind is timeless, fluid, youthful, and ancient, depending on my state of being. Why do I chain my mind to my being, I should allow it to be free to guide my being.
Life in a spiritual, physical, material, earth plane, is a state of mind. My life captured within this moment, with loving care my mind, will help my being to sculpt my here and now.
Inspired by my Spirit Guide Marvin 04/12/17
Inspired to take a walk on this fine sunny autumn day, with all good intentions I walk the canal toe path, to the chrysalis of my beginnings in langley, deeply inhaling the air of life, exhaling the stresses of working life, seeking my better and higher self, I used to walk this path in my youth,to visit friends or to be a marine cadet at T.S. Lion. Revisiting my memories was not my intention, we walk with our memories throughout our lifespan, awaiting in mind to torture or celebrate in heart. Realising it is best to make good memories in the present, so my memories of now, will not become a heavy burden in the future.
The autumn sun shines brightly magnifying the colours of autumn leaves, the landscape has changed around here, there are now businesses and homes along the canal, where once were fields
The peace and beautiful serenity of nature brings vibrant energy to my soul, in stark contrast to the industrial town that surrounds it, man and mother nature reside together happily in this place, we the human race are mother natures children, she gave birth to us all, we are her spoiled children as we take from her, and pollute our mothers love.
Walking up the path to the bridge the Deseronto Wharf, where I once worked at Bryce Whites Timber Yard, has now gone but the office building has survived time, Lindley Thompsons is now a business park, walking over the railway bridge, I stand with my memories, back in time looking at the place I once called home.
Perhaps this is the purpose of my journey today, to revisit my past and make peace with my memories, I see my nan looking out of the window, waiting for me to come home for lunch, The Gulley where we once played now flattened, swings and roundabouts now replace rusty old cars, the giants hill, the three wise old apple trees. Old Hobi the tramp who slept in Grandads pigsty, old nelson the chicken who we loved and ate one Sunday, my Grandad owned the gulley my Dad, family, and friends, built our bungalow, a great place to grow up and I feel blessed to have grown here. The Chesntuts pub across the road the social hub of our community, where we drank to celebrate our success or maudlin in our sorrows, my classroom from boy to man, as I walk down St Marys Road, I see myself as a schoolboy walking with mum for my first day at Langley Marish School.
The Almshouses built in 1649 where my dad did maintenance, a ceiling collapsed revealing the original mud and horse hair ceiling, and a rusty 17th century 9 inch nail, St Marys Church so many memories of family and friends weddings, christenings, and funerals.
I visit my nan and grandads grave, telling them of my life and wishing they were still with us, I would love to know what they think of me now, so many emotions and memories swirling within me, that I did not realise I could feel and see all this at once, I stop by The Chestnuts for a drink, no one did I know or recognise for we are all old now, realising now that time has passed and I am now a stranger, in the place I once called home. Night has nearly fallen as I walk the canal toe path, to the place I now call home, the love of spirit embraces me reminding me, that ghosts are memories, spirit is eternal, our home is with God, and in time all things change in our world.
THANKYOU FOR THE LESSONS
White line high up in the sky, oh how I wish I could fly, my eyes the world to see, heart free as air to embrace, in awe of this wonder of creation. Feet firmly planted on mother earth, my minds eye gazing on the blue orb where I reside, in infinite space I am aware I exist in an existence shackled by human consciousness, where there is always a price to pay.
We place value on everything, but no value on life, enslaved to the devils of money and status, makes demons of us all, as we do what we can to get, a pocketful of the coloured paper and shiny buttons we need. Survival or success are the two divisions in life, the have nots and the haves,are divided by greed, it is only those who succeed, can afford their mouths to feed.
Coloured paper and shiny buttons have dominion over our world, we the willing servants, bowing to the rule of coloured paper and shiny buttons, our masters placed over us. The banks we fill to bulging, spew out coloured paper from holes in the wall, people go hungry and starve, for lack of coloured paper and shiny buttons, no medical treatment, illness, suffering, and death. for those without a pocketful of coloured paper shiny buttons, we kill and steal all to gain more coloured paper and shiny buttons.
We the human race value and live in material ignorance, we need to embrace a simple truth, money is just coloured paper and shiny buttons, all of creation has been given to us free of charge, we must live free together, the value of life is Love, Kindness, Compassion, Tolerance, and Peace for all, we must care for the source of life Mother Earth, who we pollute and destroy all for coloured paper and shiny buttons, one day the human race will be destroyed, for the love and greed of coloured paper and shiny buttons.
Shades of pink, purple, and grey, colour the sky, as the sun falls
witnessing this natural beauty, calming mind and body.
This servant of the day, in awe of natures loving gift.
Life has it’s span of years, the karmic circle of life.
Aware that the human race is but a spec of sand, in the genesis of creation.
As I look up but cannot see beyond the twilight.
I am as big in my world, as an insect in his.
With humility I thankyou twilight sky.
Stephen Rowlands 12/11/17
I went along one evening to a spiritual development circle, run by my friend Kevin Trefry, he said to me your not going to sit there and do nothing, I want you to give the meditation. I was a bit put out by this as I was very tired, and in need of recharging, I just wanted to just sit and enjoy the closeness of spirit. And do some of the mediumship exercises with the students, as I feel it is important to keep developing, and to maintain and strengthen our links with spirit, so I asked my spirit guides, what would be the best meditation to give to the circle. My spirit guide Jerome a Franciscan Monk came forward, and said ask them, to draw unconditional love from God into there hearts, to fill there hearts with unconditional love.
After the opening prayer I asked the students, to visualise the love of God, coming from above in white light, filling their hearts with divine unconditional love. The meditation began, myself and Kevin watched over the students, after 10 minutes or so I called the students back from their meditation, and I asked them each in turn, what they experienced during the meditation, and they all felt very empowered, and a great connection to all things, The lesson in the meditation is that love is the power of all things and is our connection to all things.
The next day Jerome came to me, and inspired me with a poem, from the previous nights meditation. And I posted his poem as a blog earlier this year,
Fast forward to 22/10/17, I was inspired to give Jeromes poem as a reading at the divine service Jennings Street Christian Spiritualist Church Swindon. The poem was well received by those in attendance, Jerome then went on to inspire me with the address from the poem, he inspired me to say that love is a choice, as everything in life is a choice, out of the vast range of emotions that we can feel, love is the emotion that we rarely choose, when we are faced with some form of adversity or negativity in life. We tend to rely on our base instincts such as anger, confusion, jealousy, a loss of self worth. When people are horrible to us, or we make a mistake in life through our choices in life, all this comes from our ego our pride kicks in, and we react seeking to hurt those who have hurt us, or anger when our plans go wrong, making the situation worst for ourselves and those around us.
Let us step onto the back foot rather than reacting with hurt, let us seek the solution to our problems with love, and ask ourselves what is the best solution to this problem with love, rather than always choosing our base instinct ego, to solve our problems, causing greater disharmony to the spirit of ourselves and others, when we think feel and act with love, we are connecting to our higher selves, our soul the true part of us, that lives within what we call God, whilst our spirit lives and learns through our minds and bodies, in this material world of the earth plane. Love is a great spectrum of all emotion, at its lowest level we have hatred, anger, greed, jealousy, avarice, sloth. at its highest level there is divine unconditional love.
We spirits who live and learn in this physical and material world, find ourselves going up and down the sliding scale, of the emotional spectrum of love, let love be our choice in all things, to heal our hurt feelings and calm negative situations, let love be our guide, not only with family and friends, but in all things and with all peoples, and in doing so we are putting ego in its place, and making life better for ourselves and all around us, helping us to find the inner peace we so often crave, when I first got into spiritualism, I was taught it is a big part of our spiritual development, to turn negative into positive that is why we are faced with negativity and adverse conditions at times, I truly believe we are here to learn how to love, that is our spiritual purpose for being here, the ascended masters who teach through the religions who adopted them, they all teach love its about time we all pricked up our ears, listened to the teachings of love from the masters, take those teachings within ourselves and live them, because surely we are all fed up with the terrible things that are going on around us and in the world, it needs us to make love, kindness, compassion, tolerance, Our way of life and truth.
THANKYOU FOR READING
Whilst writing this blog, I was taken back to the time when I used to sit on the back doorstep, at home in Langley my nan would be cooking Sunday dinner. I would be writing inspired notes for the address for the service that night, I have walked through 2 dark nights of the soul in life, and in the dark night I missed those times, but feel very blessed right now those times are now back. With me so I say to all who feel they are walking in darkness, be true to yourself, love yourself, love life no matter how dark it gets, and the sun will rise again.
Returning home weary, after a long week at work, negative emotion gnawing at my guts, anger turbulent within my mind, like the most violent lightening storm. I remind myself I am at home now, and that I am so blessed to have a home, on this cold wet and windy night.
My flat warm and cosy as can be, I change into my comfies, so good to be home, away from the corperate ego driven bullshit, that pays my bills, my home is my sanctuary, where I can breathe and be me.
Lying on my bed, candlelight illuminating the colours of my flat, looking at the pictures on my wall, telling the story of my past and present, a feeling of amazement washes over me. Wow this is my life, for the past 7 years, pictorial memories of holidays family and friends, my spiritual pathway, looking at me from my wall.
The summer day of my higher self, now calming my storm, reminding me it is not good to dwell, in self created negative of ego, the mind should always seek, the truth in heart, now I am glad I took the pictures on my wall, showing me where I have been, and where to go with blessings, thankyou pictures on my wall.
Stephen Rowlands 21/10/17
For many years I could never understand why people, would be so sad for the loss of their loved ones in spirit, their grieving causing them so much emotional pain, and sadness years after their beloved ones, had passed over the veil into spirit. The people I speak of are spiritualists, I stood beneath the spiritualist banner there is no death, and I wrongly felt that the knowledge of the truth there is no death, would be comforting enough for the pain and sadness of grieving, to cease but because I had not suffered the loss of a loved one, I did not understand the emotional kaleidoscope of grieving, even when people were getting messages via a medium, from there loved ones in spirit the pain and sadness still remained with them.
Whilst in spiritual development circle, an oriental spirit guide known to us as Li, came through his channel Ian Watts in trance, as he often did to give us some teaching of universal life in spirit. In his talk he was saying that we should not mourn our loved ones in spirit, as it is only the physical loss of our loved ones that we grieve for, and this to him grieving for our loved ones was selfish of us to do, he accepted that when we first lose a loved one there should be a period of mourning for the physical loss of the loved one, he went on to say that our loved ones are now in a realm of light, and are living within the divine energy of universal and unconditional love. We should be happy for them and allow them to continue, there journey in spirit as they are truly now spirit, and we should love them as spirit beings, and not selfishly mourn their physical loss, over a long period of time.
I held onto Li’s teaching for years believing it was selfish to grieve, for the physical loss of our loved ones, although I never spoke of this teaching as I believed, it would cause more hurt to those who had lost loved ones, it is my role as a medium to bring upliftment to others through spiritual teachings, but looking at Li’s teaching from a spirit perspective, his teaching is correct and I believe that this teaching, should be given totally from a spirit perspective, to those who are emotionally ready to receive it. As I have often thought we never see things from spirits side of life, and how it effects them in their interactions with us on earth, and in doing so this makes us the selfish ones.
Sadly my Dad passed over the veil into spirit 14/10/15, although his passing was expected as he was very ill, I stood by his bedside with my mother at Wexham Park Hospital, the doctor had just pronounced him physically dead, I held his hand and his voice loudly spoke to me in my head in his voice, “LOOK AFTER YOUR MOTHER” which was totally my Dad as he worships the ground my Mum walks on, my brother arrived and we said our farewells to my Dad, we went back to my mothers I was stunned it was as if time had stood still, but life was going on as everybody and everything was going about their daily business, I raised a glass of whiskey and ice Dads favourite drink to say cheers thanks for everything to him, Dads funeral was arranged for 03/11/15, to give friends from overseas a chance to assemble for his funeral, I took Mum to see Dad in the funeral home, as I stood over Dad in his coffin there was the real sickening energy of physical death, permeating deep into my gut, a feeling that stayed with me for a very long time, my mother said it is so cold in here Elwyn doesn’t like the cold, as she touched his cheek I said Mum he is not here this is just his shell, I took my mother home and prepared Dads Eulogy, as I was nominated to give it, as I was used to talking in front of people, my family sees that I have my uses.
The week after my fathers passing to spirit, I had three demonstrations of mediumship to do, I debated with myself whether I should do them or not, as I was an emotional and mental wreck functioning only to be strong for family, and cope with the rigours of my job, I made the decision to cancel my platform bookings, I knew the churches would understand. Queen was my dads favourite band, I got into the shuttle bus to go pick up staff, I switched on the radio The Show Must Go On by Queen, came blasting out of the radio this could only have been my Dad, as he was a very selfless man, and wanted his children to live life to the full, you may scoff but I know this is the truth.
I have often thought that the belief that our loved ones in spirit, leave a penny when they are near to be a fairytale, a few weeks after my Dads passing to spirit, I called out to my Dad, come on Dad if you are near give me a sign. I proceeded to hoover my flat, I had hoovered every square inch of my flat, as I was putting the hoover away, I looked down and there was a shiny penny looking up at me from the floor. How could I have missed that my flat is tiny, I couldn’t have missed it, no its just a fairytale, in the morning I walked down the bottom of the stairs, opened the door to go to work, and there was a shiny penny looking up at me from the paving slab, now I believe spirit leaving pennies as signs to be true.
My dad makes his presence felt most days I speak to him every morning, but I still miss him wish he was still here to talk to and share a joke with, and yes Li that makes me selfish, I live in the physical world where we need our loved ones near, we need their physical presence, as much as it is wonderful to receive a message from our loved ones in spirit, nothing can take away our need to have them physically with us. As a medium I have given the messages and watched the tears flow, there is nothing I can do to dry those tears, the spiritualist message of there is no death, has failed, but with compassion and spiritual teaching we can comfort and uplift.
Every morning I pray for the sick and suffering to be healed
I pray that the wisdom and power of unconditional love, fills all hearts and minds, so that we may create a world of harmony, balance, kindness, tolerance, love, and compassion, for all.
I pray and give thanks to you Great Spirit, for allowing me to serve you as a channel for Angels and Spirit. I ask that all is done in service for you, is for the greatest and highest good.
I pray that I may always seek the highest good from myself, not only in service to you, but for the best possible life I can achieve, for me and all around me.
I pray for Guidance to overcome my troubles, and to lead me to where I should be, and doing what I should be doing.
My prayer gives me focus on the new day, although I have my work to do, my prayer takes me out of my material mind, and closer to my creator, letting me know all things are possible, and that I am the creator of my life in thought and deed.
Prayer is thought, Prayer is mindfulness, Prayer is love, Prayer is from the heart, Prayer is the truth of our being, our connection our guide.
Over the years I have asked many people if they meditate, because I feel it could help them, or spirit feels it would help them to meditate, mostly I get the same answer. Its to difficult, my mind wanders , I have to much on my mind to meditate, I have not got the time to meditate. So I have decided to write this blog, to outline a simple way to meditate.
Meditation is a great way to relax and focus our minds, to find answers to questions, or to calm turbulent thoughts and emotions. The first thing I was taught about meditation, is you cannot have imagination without an image, so meditation is simply day dreaming. And that is something we all do, but unlike day dreaming where our minds create the mental images we would like, such as winning the lottery, or getting a date with a film or pop star, being with someone we miss, or our penchant for looking back into the past, and the many what ifs that arise from mentally living in the past, our minds create the mental images of the most satisfying possibilities.
Meditation is in fact focussed day dreaming, whereby we mentally get the image we want, within our minds eye and allow everything else to take place without our input. A good starting meditation is to imagine yourself sitting alone on a beach, on a warm sunny day mentally put yourself on the beach, focus on smelling the sea air, hearing the waves lapping on the shore, watching seagulls flying above the waves, what other sights, sounds, and senses are you aware of. We only need to meditate for a few minutes to get the benefit of it.
Being perfect at meditation is not the point of meditation, levitating our minds to a more peaceful, higher level of awareness is the aim of meditation. We are exercising mental muscles we don’t often use. But like any exercise, the more we do it the better we get at it, if we are distracted by other thoughts. Like work, or what to have for dinner, financial and emotional worries, discard those thoughts let them pass and get back to your beach the more frequently you meditate, I suggest 2 or 3 times a week, distractions will become less and less.
A simple exercise I use to prepare for meditation, to help focus my thoughts, is what is known as stepping into the moment, this is what I find best do, and works for me.
1, Find a comfy chair make yourself comfortable
2, Shut your eyes and inhale through your nose, and gently exhale from your mouth, this helps relax our muscles and stimulates our minds, to a slightly higher state of awareness, to prepare for meditation.
3, Realise it is only us that makes the noise with our thoughts and feelings, sit quietly and realise that you have peace and tranquility all around you. It is only us that makes the noise so put your thoughts and feelings to one side, it does not matter if a bomb is falling on your house, step into the peace and tranquility of the moment. This can also be difficult to achieve, but the more we practice meditation we will find it easier to be in the moment.
4, Once in the moment or your feeling more relaxed, remember to discard any day to day thoughts, worries. anxieties, aches and pains. Not easy to do but practice makes perfect, I have been meditating for years, and still get distracted but don’t be disheartened, just get back to the image you started with.
Now your ready to visualise where you want to be, it can be anywhere but make sure it is a positive image, like sitting on a beach, or walking down a path in the forest, focus on what you can see. hear, sense, smell, within your image dont tamper with it let it play like a movie.
Meditation teaches us and helps us to discover our trueselves, other than what we have conditioned ourselves to become. Helping us to become a better version of ourselves, so honesty with ourselves is a priceless tool in meditation.
If you the reader meditates using the above suggestions, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me Email- email@example.com I will be happy to discuss the above steps with you.
There are also many guided meditations you can buy online, I hope this blog has helped. Stephen
Christian Spiritualism had opened its doors to me, and it was lovely to feel accepted, not strange or different. it was normal to see and sense not weird, I started to go to church, twice a week on a Wednesday and Sunday, as I was embracing this whole new world that was opening up to me. Seeing mediums pass messages to loved ones who were present, seeing the comfort, help, and upliftment, the messages were giving, to the people who were receiving them, I thought to myself I would like to be able to do that.
I had a inner feeling that I could possibly one day, progress into being a platform medium, serving Spirit and giving people upliftment, through the teachings and messages of Spirit. I was seeking something I could excel in, where I could make my parents proud of me, although I was only 18 years old, I had not been much of a success at anything, I left school with a grade 5 cse English the school only gave me that certificate, so I did not leave school without any qualifications at all, I had no interest in school, and I must also admit to being very lazy. My laziness continued into working life in and out of jobs, and being constantly reminded by parents and family what a failure I was, I was seeking my niche in life where I could excel.
Spiritualism was providing me that niche, as I had a growing hunger for knowledge, of all spiritualism could teach me, back in 1978 the teachings of Spirit, were very much taught as a way of life, it was ok to make a mistake as long as you learned from that mistake, I was learning that this earth plane, that we all live on and share, is one big learning ground a school for the soul. I was learning about the levels of spirit, and that we as souls bring to this earth plane, many different levels of understanding. The reasoning for why we have so much conflict on our earth plane, from disagreements with family and friends to world war, from the liars, cheaters, the greedy for money and power, people who exert there will through violence. To those people who are peaceful, selfless, and loving. And all the levels of understanding between love and hate, it is here on this earth plane, that we come here to learn how to love unconditionally, love is a massive spectrum of emotion, from divine unconditional/universal love, at the top of the spectrum. To hatred greed anger jealousy at the bottom of the spectrum, and that our souls vibrate at varying levels of this spectrum, through our emotions and level of understanding. It was up to us who were aware, and walking a spiritual pathway, to have compassion, for those of a lesser understanding, and at times forgiveness for those of a lower level of understanding, and to live and speak our truth, with love and compassion. To sow the seeds of learning, for those souls of a lower understanding, the teachings of Spirit, are love kindness and compassion tolerance forgiveness, and that we who walk a spiritual pathway, are in service to everyone and everything.
The first thing I ever read in Slough Christian Spiritualist Church, was BE HUMBLE IN SERVICE, that one statement has been my guide throughout my spiritual service.
Over the next 3 months, mediums were telling me from the platform, I could develop into being a spiritual healer and medium, although I was seen as to young to become a medium, my Spirit Guides wished to use me as a powerhouse, this meant providing spiritual power, for the spiritual healer and his or her Spirit Guides. A power booster is the best way to describe it, I was invited by Brian North, to join him in the healing sanctuary to be the powerhouse, for him and his healing guides, this was a real step forward for me, and I was very excited about it. I was finally meeting spirit on a level playing field, to be able to embrace spirit, and to find out why they wanted to be around me, and make themselves known to me. The healing sanctuary has a blue light one end of the room, and a red light the other, I had already learned that blue was the main healing colour, I asked Brian why the red and blue lights, he replied it is easier to see spirit in this light, there was a table by the wall in the middle of the room, with religious icons on it and pictures of native American healing guides, and two chairs opposite each other in the middle of the room.
A lady entered the healing sanctuary, and sat down ready to receive healing, Brian asked me to sit in the other chair, and to imagine the lady in the chair with a blue light all around her, and to send my love to her in thought, Brian said a opening prayer invoking inviting spirit to come forward, and channel healing energy through him, the atmosphere within the sanctuary changed, it started to feel a bit warmer, it also felt like other people had entered the healing sanctuary, although I could not see them I could feel them beside me, and moving around the room moving around Brian. there was this growing energy within the sanctuary, a beautiful indescribable feeling of unconditional love, Brian’s breathing got a bit deeper and he put his hands over the ladies shoulders, as I shut my eyes I could feel my hands getting warmer and warmer, heat generating from the middle of my palms. this continued for approx. 20-30 minutes, although in that environment you do lose all track and sense of time, Brian then asked the lady if she felt ok she replied that she felt good, and also that she could feel another pair of hands moving over her, and that she felt much better. That was my first experience of giving spiritual healing, and I loved it and wanted to do it more and more. As time went on and the more I sat, in the healing sanctuary working as a powerhouse, for Brian and his healing guides, I was being mentally drawn to where peoples pain and illness was, on a physical level and I would tell people where they were hurting, although diagnosis is very frowned upon today, it was a perfectly normal thing to do back in 1978, and I agree we are not doctors so we shouldn’t be giving diagnosis, this was also the start of my third eye and mediumship awareness opening up.
I was also introduced to and encouraged to do absent healing, the easiest way to describe absent healing is prayer, when we break prayer down it is in actual fact thought, I was being taught that thought is energy and the most powerful thing within the universe, if we infuse our thoughts with love and send those thoughts to people, the energy of our loving thoughts can help them to heal, and asking God and healing guides, to give the healing that was necessary, so I started to give absent healing every Friday night from my bedroom at home, there was a lady at church called Sue, who I had become friendly with she suffered with a bad back, that at times would incapacitate her. I started to send her absent healing as time went by, within my minds eye I could see a bedroom, with a Victorian type bed in it my view was from the head end, and I could see a dressing gown hanging on the rail of the foot end of the bed, also a dressing table with a oval mirror opposite against the wall. After a few months of sending Sue absent healing, she asked me at church did I send my absent healing out on a Friday night, I confirmed to her that I did and that I could see a bedroom, within my minds eye Sue asked me to describe the bedroom, I did and she said that’s my bedroom. I was very astounded and amazed by her comment it was a real shock, but a nice shock if you know what I mean, Sue went on to say she could see my face to her right, as she lay in bed on a Friday night and this was the view I was getting of her bedroom. I did not realise or know that at the time, I was actually astral projecting myself mentally through my healing thoughts, this was a new development for me, and I did not realise that I was really opening up to spirit.
Sat in church one sunny warm Sunday evening, on the platform that evening was the trance medium Berenice Watts. who gave the address and messages in trance, with her spirit guides and loved ones, communicating through her. I was very drawn to Berenice and had a strong feeling a knowing, that spiritually she would teach me, little did I know at that point what a major part, Berenice would play in my spiritual development.
I was invited into Marjorie and Don Jacksons spiritual development circle, in Iver this excited me as I was being told by mediums, that I could develop mediumship and by others, that I was to young at 19 years old, to develop mediumship and that I was not gifted at all, this was a challenge to me as I really needed to excel in something, developing my spiritual awareness is something I really wanted to do, and to prove the doubters wrong. Don and Marjorie’s circle was held every Friday night, at there home there was Don, Marjorie, myself Nancy and John we sat in the living room, in a circle Marjorie would do the prayer of invocation, and we would sit quietly hands on laps palms upwards, in a kind of meditative state freeing our minds, of our material worries woes physical aches and pains, and seeing waiting to see what spirit wished to inspire us with, images within the minds eye, feelings of those spirits that were coming around us in the circle, and any messages they wished to share.
This went on for a good few weeks, although at the end of the evening when it was time to give off what we had received, I had nothing to give as I felt I did not experience anything. I was disheartened by this although Marjorie and Don encouraged me to stick with it, then Marjorie would do the closing prayer and we would have tea and biscuits, we continued to sit over the weeks, and I was being drawn to bend physically, forwards backwards from side to side, my arms outstretched in front of me to the sides and above my head, I felt this was all very strange, but the others did not bat an eyelid, so I carried on allowing this to happen to me, I asked Marjorie about it and she said do not worry, its just spirit adjusting to your physical body.
Zangu Zulu Spirit Guide
So I continued sitting and bending physically, until one night we were sitting in a low light, I looked over at Don and all of a sudden his head disappeared before my eyes, and different heads replaced his a native American, china man, a guy with a bowler hat, people of all different nationalities were appearing, this frightened me but amazed me at the same time, as it was the first time I had ever experienced this. My breathing started to get deeper and deeper, my consciousness was getting very inward until I felt about an inch tall within myself, I could hear my breathing getting deeper and more guttural, I could also feel this energy power however you want to describe it, getting stronger and stronger within me I felt I had no physical control over myself, to be honest I was crapping myself as I had no control, this energy power intelligence I could not describe it at the time, had total control over me, I heard Marjorie say have you come in peace, my head was turned from left to right as to say no, now I was really worried I was looking from within outwards, I did not know what was happening to me, and I had no control Marjorie then said have you come to give healing, my head was moved up and down to say yes.
Marjorie asked who have you come to give healing to, my arm was pointed towards John, who’s spine was crumbling he wore a big surgical belt, and he had to have gold injections into his spine. Amazingly I was stood up and walked towards John, as I moved closer to John my hands were pointed towards him, fingers closed and outstretched, my hands started to shake very rapidly, and from within myself I could see yellow, red, blue, green, beams of light shooting out of my fingers and into John.
I was shocked amazed and wondering what the hell was happening to me, gradually the power holding me began to decrease, Marjorie asked what is your name, a deep guttural voice in a whisper, came from me my name is Zangu, I was sat down and over a few minutes I began to compose myself, and came back into the room, Marjorie explained that Zangu is a healing guide and was told whilst he was with me, that he had been waiting to work with me since before I was born, I cannot describe to you how that felt, this was my first experience of trance. The closing prayer was said and we had tea and biscuits.
I continued sitting in Marjorie and Don’s development circle, for a few weeks more spirit had started to mentally, give me messages and Zangu would come though me in trance. He was also making his presence felt in the healing sanctuary, as Brian felt I was now advanced enough to channel healing, the power he brought through was amazing, and the temperature would really go up in the healing sanctuary, and people were saying they really felt the benefit of the healing power Zangu brought through. Although I was starting to have nightmares, this concerned my parents and myself, as I suffered some pretty horrific nightmares as a child, these nightmares were coming back with a vengeance, I assured my parents it was nothing I was doing at the spiritualist church, causing the nightmares to return. I walked into church one evening, and sitting in the foyer was a lovely medium by the name of Mrs Brotherton, Frank the president of the church was arguing with a lady, about me saying I was ungifted and to young to develop, the lady was saying just because I was young it did not mean I was not gifted. Don’t mind me I thought Mrs Brotherton sat there quietly smiling, during her demonstration of mediumship she came to me with a message, she was telling me from spirit that they were opening a door for me, and behind that door there was many spiritual gifts, waiting for me to develop and use with spirit in spiritual service, and that I had a very long way to go on the spiritual path, and many would come to me to be uplifted by these gifts, After the service Frank invited me into his church circle, I will leave you the reader to make your mind up about that.
I was reluctant to leave Marjorie and Don’s circle, but mistakenly felt by joining Franks church circle, it would be a way of progressing, as Frank was giving his circle the hard sell. I was still very much learning and naïve, about the right course for spiritual development. So I joined Franks circle, Marjorie and Don were lovely told me to be guided by spirit, and wished me well on my spiritual path, there is not a lot I can say about Franks circle, because spirit really did not communicate with me in that circle, I heard a woman singing in the kitchen one night, no one physical was in the kitchen, and once I was drawn to lay face down on the floor, arms outstretched to the side feet together, I later found out that this is the universal sign of humility.
My nightmares had gradually got a lot worse, I was waking up with a violent jolt screaming my head off, other times I would be falling from the ceiling in my bedroom, with this demonic face above me chasing me, I would wake up with a violent jolt, and be thrown to the other side of the room screaming, one night I woke up screaming kicking the chest of drawers, the other side of the bedroom. Zangu was also coming through as and when he pleased, this was at times embarrassing and dangerous.
My parents were very worried about me, and started talking about getting me psychiatric help, no one at church could give me an answer to the nightmares, I was having, at the time I was working at Bryce Whites Timber Yard in Langley, loading and unloading lorries. I was sent on a forklift driving course which I passed, to celebrate I went across the road to my local pub The Chestnuts, and got myself very drunk directors bitter, and rum and coke was my tipple at the time, I staggered home and went to sleep.
I was falling from the ceiling again, with demonic face chasing me I woke up with a jolt, wedged between my bed, and an old cabinet type record player, I had inherited from my parents. And in that second I felt a hand grab the back of my head, and force my head down on the corner of the record player, with such force the corner of the record player went through my chin.
My Dad rushed in I couldn’t talk as 3 teeth with gum were under my tongue, I was bleeding heavily, Dad went and got me a tea towel to hold to my mouth to help stop the bleeding, come on Dad said we are going up the hospital, so still drunk wearing my underpants, Dad took me to Wexham Park Hospital. When we arrived in casualty there had been a big fight at one of the local clubs, because of my injury the police thought I was involved in the fight, my Dad said what in his underpants no he has had a nightmare, the look on the policemans face was classic, I was given emergency surgery, to repair my chin and teeth they could give me an anaesthetic as I was drunk, I saw everything in the stainless steel on the light above my head, I felt every thing the surgeon was doing. He wired and stitched the 3 teeth under my tongue back into place, and put 13 stitches in my chin, I remember vividly the big needle for the penicillin injection, when we got home there was 2 teeth sticking out of the record player, yes it hurt like hell the next day I went to the hospital dentist, to have my teeth put into dental clamps for the next 6 months, to hold them all together.
The next night I went to Slough Christian Spiritualist Church, looking like Frankensteins monster, with 13 stitches in my chin and heavily bruised down the right side of my face, I was a bit shocked as no one said a word, after the service Nancy and Ken approached me, and said do you remember a medium called Berenice Watts, I said yes I did and that I enjoyed her work. Nancy told me that Berenice ran a discussion group in Ruislip, and would I like to go with them as they could see I was in a state, and they felt Berenice could help me.
The following Wednesday we went along to Berenice’s discussion group, the average age of the people there was 40 upwards, I was 19 years old so I felt a bit young stupid and shy to say anything, but I listened with interest to the discussion, afterwards Nancy and Ken Introduced me to Berenice, Nancy said to her Steve’s got some problems can you help him. Berenice took one look at me and, said its going to take more than 5 minutes to sort you out, can you come round for a coffee and chat next week, I agreed as was desperate for help some control over my life, as the nightmares were continuing, and my parents were getting serious abut me seeing a psychiatrist, we made arrangement for me to meet her and her husband Ian for a chat.
The following week I went along to Berenice and Ian’s, I told them of my experiences and my nightmares, admitted I was drunk when my face got smashed up. And that Zangu was coming through whenever he felt like it, Berenice explained to me that I was very open to spirit, and was very annoyed that I had not been taught how to close down to spirit, she explained to me that it was very important to close down to spirit, as we need to live our material lives, also spirit will use a open channel 24/7, this will have a very detrimental effect on a channel mentally and physically, especially as all and sundry and those from lower levels of spirit, are very drawn to the light of an open channel, and can be very harmful to a channel depending on the state, of the spirits coming close to the channel.
And also alcohol is a depressant but also makes us wide open to spirit, if we are not properly closed down. Her guides told her that I was being used astrally for rescue work, to take those on lower levels of spirit into the light and and higher levels of spirit, Berenice taught me how to close down, and to do the closing down meditation, before I went to sleep and before I got up in the morning. By asking God and spirit guides for protection, and imagining a blue and green wall around myself, and stating nothing could penetrate it, would give me the protection I needed, Berenice added that my spirit guides were also being very lazy, by not protecting me, Berenice then invited me into her circle to sit for spiritual development.
I was amazed and delighted, that Berenice had invited me into her development circle, it was like jumping from infant school to university, I was very much taught how to close to spirit, also how to open to spirit correctly, how to control my guides and to communicate with them, Berenice is a trance medium so I was taught trance, how to come in and out of trance properly, my guides were taught how to respect and look after me as a physical channel, they wanted to use me so they are responsible for looking after me. other than myself and Berenice there was Ian her husband, and Ron and Pauline a couple also sat in the circle, we would each in turn have to bring a guide through to talk on a set subject. My favourite was Li an oriental guide, who channelled through Ian his talks were very informative and funny, on how spirit works, universal law, levels of spirit, reincarnation.
We were taught how to give an inspired address from our guides, how to give messages from spirit, by cutting out unnecessary bits like names and anniversaries, sand, tarot, playing cards, crystal ball, psychometry, How to channel energy, meditation, one of the more gruelling excersises she would put a picture, in an envelope and we would have to tell her, what or who was in the picture and describe what we saw felt.
One night in Berenices circle I arrived, and the bowl of sand was there, she told me I was going to do a sand reading with a difference, after opening the circle Ian channelled the energy of a guide, into the sand I had to tell them who the guide was, as I looked into the shapes and shadows in the sand, in my minds eye I could see like a monastry with a silver lining around it, I could also see a group of bhuddist monks walking a path to this monastry, they were being attacked for the food they had with them, one got hit over the head, instantly in a split second everything went black, and a massive electric like shock through me, then I was back in the room, Ian told me the guide was in actual fact his guide Li, he was a bhuddist monk, and he was murdered for the food he had with him, and is monastry was called the monastry of silver light.
Sadly Berenice’s circle lasted 9 months, as Berenice and Ian moved to Crawley to live, and it was to far for us to travel, I still feel a link to Berenice’s circle and my fellow sitters, I will be forever grateful to her for her help and teaching, I also teach the same way as she did very disciplined. I have been working off what I learned in that circle, for the past 34 years it was way ahead of its time, and still is today because it was universal spiritual teaching, as a way of life, and to give from the spirit through the heart.
THANKYOU FOR READING NAMASTE
I have been asked many times, how I got into spiritualism, in fact I wish I had a pound, for every time I have told the tale, of how I got into spiritualism so here goes. I have always been able to sense and feel things, for as long as I can remember, mainly other peoples emotions. Or having images within my mind, showing me what was to come in the immediate future, my first memory of this I was 4 years old, we were living in Datchet, in a lovely Victorian house it was boxing day that year. Myself and my cousin Brian were watching television, Jack and the Beanstalk if I remember correctly, well it was 1964. I had this very strong image in my mind of my bed being on fire, I told Brian my bed was on fire, he said do not be silly it is my cigarette, I played up so much my Dad went to investigate. Beside my bed was a 2 bar electric heater it was turned on, close to the blankets on my bed the blankets were smouldering, my Dad switched off the fire and put out the blankets.
Although I rarely see spirit and if I do it is usually just from the shoulders up, or a quick flash of a full physical form, which I see out of the corner of my eye, I have always been able to sense spirit standing close to me, communicating with me in emotion, can you imagine how this feels to a boy, who does not understand what is happening to him. I can tell you it is very unnerving, and at times frightening. The first life event that had a real impact on me, was the passing to spirit of my grandfather I was 7 years old. I could not believe that my granddad had died, because even at that young age I believed that life was eternal, my granddads physical death came as a total shock to me.
We used to have legendary bonfires for Guy Fawkes night, over The Gulley that year 1967, and I really feared my granddad would appear in giant form for all to see, that image was very powerful within my mind. November 5th came granddad did not appear in giant form, I was relieved but questioning why did he not show himself, when I feel him so close to me he is still alive, this emotion has perplexed me all my life, and I have now made this emotion public, to which I am glad that I am finally sharing it.
Can you imagine how it feels to a child, to have there mind and senses bombarded like this, there are many people like me throughout the world like me, I reach out to you all, please seek guidance and spiritual development. I went on like this for a number of years, becoming more shy and introverted.
I left school and after 18 months in the army, I started work at Hire Service Shops. I was the yardman, my job to keep the yard clean and tidy load and unload lorries, through this job I met Brain North, he was the electrician there fixing and servicing electrical tools for hire, his nickname was Gnu from the famous teabag advert at the time, because he was always drinking tea, he was also vice president of Slough Spiritualist Church. The store manager was also a Spiritualist, I would have lengthy conversations with Brian, I would discuss with him what had been happening to me. He would tell me about the spiritualist church, and life in spirit.
I will be eternally thankful for Brian North, because he gave me answers to questions. and all of a sudden I did not feel quite so weird, the other lads I worked with warned me off Brian, saying he was a nutter and trying to convert me into a cult. I know now this was more fear than knowledge, that made them warn me away from Brian.
Eventually Brian invited me to attend a service at Slough Spiritualist Church, I was concerned Brian would set something up for me, although I was compelled to go to Slough Spiritualist Church to investigate, I did not tell him when I would visit.
New Years Day 1978 I visited Slough Spiritualist Church, and was given a warm welcome, I was impressed by the friendliness of the people there, I turned up on my Honda CG125 wearing a bomber Jacket jeans and white scarf, please excuse me I was 17 what must they have thought. The Mediums that night were Mr and Mrs Zealey, Mrs Zealey was a trance medium, yes I do remember, I knew it would be religious as Slough, was a Christian Spiritualist Church. But overall I was not impressed with the mediumship, after the service during tea and biscuits, a little old lady called Ada came to speak with me, she had been resident medium there for over 40 years, she gave me a message from Spirit that was so darn accurate, I had to investigate further and decided to attend on a regular basis. That was the beginning of a 39 year Journey
THANKYOU FOR READING
Mortal life is but a glimpse of all things, in our waking consciousness. What are memories, reflections naught but time can advocate. Time is a useless measure, as our reflections prove, nothing loses its forward momentum, in this revolving universe as life goes on.
Reflections of love when time makes no sense, moving forward I cannot go back, to thank you to tell you I love you. I converse with you within this moment, sadly this moment will leave me, and the future is a time, we do not dwell. I turn this moment to the past, to be with you, like an old favourite film, I press replay
Sadness manifests as I stumble into the next moment, seeing your smile feeling your words calling within my heart, do your best beautiful boy, live the best life you can. I tell you with all my heart I promise you the best I can, knowing you walk with me, where time does not exist, and love is eternal and still.
DEDICATED TO Elwyn Rowlands My Dad 27/11/29 – 14/10/15
During the course of my diet people would say to me I wish I had your willpower to stick to a diet I found this a very weak and defeatist statement to make and why were these people belittling themselves when in fact willpower lives and breathes within in us all a state of consciousness when properly utilised can help us to to become the best version of ourselves in any area of our life or all of it our willpower is usually hidden under many things positive and negative in nature usually our needs the things that make this life more bearable such as food alcohol cigarettes drugs relationships a job that drains us a toxic relationship how we see ourselves in our world and how we fit into our world our fears and anxieties and what we use to salve our emotions to deal with life whilst thinking about writing this blog I realised that willpower is in all things that we do from our waking moment until we sleep we just cover it with lots of other things which really impedes or stops dead our freewill to use our natural God given willpower
We just really need to reprogram ourselves to look at what we really truly need and let go of the things that impede or stop us reaching inner peace or desired goals no matter what they maybe people places thoughts and emotions if they no longer serve us for our greater good and life they must go I have realised I have hit on a massive subject of which scientists and philosophers have researched over centuries I can only speak from my own experience along my pathway of life and the teachings of spirit so please you the reader do not look at this blog as a piece of academic work this blog is purely from my own experience and discoveries of self that I will be sharing with you I will endeavour to make this blog as helpful as possible and hope you the reader will gain something from it to utilise and reboot your in built willpower and use it towards your inner peace and desired goals
On reflection I realise it was not only the threat of more serious illness and worsening diabetes that motivated me and helped me to find my willpower from 2011 – 2016 I had been dieting on and off without any success but my way of thinking at the time was really suppressing my willpower the guilt that I had failed another diet the thoughts that it did not really matter as I was in my mid 50’s my pulling the ladies days were over my absence of teeth and my impotence made me feel useless my aches and pains and tiredness were just ageing but putting all these things together they were suppressing my willpower
You may find this hard to believe but when diagnosed with Diabetes 2 I was in the best place mentally and emotionally than I had been for years after my last relationship ended in 2010 I was a mess mentally and emotionally and drinking heavily but realised soon after that I had got my life back which is a great gift and it was up to me to create the best life I could for myself and started the long process of letting go of my anger learning to love myself and opening my heart and living and speaking my truth through an open heart I was to wrapped up in what I used to be a serving medium doing around 100 services a year plus teaching and touring Spiritualist Churches in South Wales a lot of people back in the the day used to call me the peoples medium because of my down to earth approach whilst demonstrating on platform a fact I am very proud of to this day and it made me very angry that I couldn’t go back to it and just pick up where I left off its a very true saying amongst platform mediums that your as good as your last service
Slowly but surely the realisation came that it does not really matter what I used to do in the past all that matters is what I’m doing now and what I’m doing to create a better tomorrow so I focussed on my mental and emotional state forgiving myself and others for bad deeds done my good friend Jane Goodman kept telling me I have a beautiful heart so I put my best foot forward and decided to be truly myself anyone who knows me knows that I’m truly a big softy and that I am giving and helpful as I had cut way back on my drinking it made my thinking that much clearer and was much easier to be truly who I am without my mind being shrouded by the thick fog of alcohol and gradually my mediumship started to improve meditation helped me to become more at peace with myself and give me the drive to become a better mental and emotional version of myself I was making friends I had also started teaching mediumship in a general development circle at Woking Spiritualist Church as I told the students in that circle I have made all the mistakes I am just helping you not to make them I had created a website for my mediumship and was doing a few more platform demonstrations of mediumship that is enough about my mediumship for now although I do feel drawn to write a blog about my spiritual journey in the future
I was diagnosed with Diabetes 2 on 07/04/16 although this was a shock my Spirit Guides were telling me I had Diabetes I kept an open mind on it but hoping I didn’t have diabetes the doctor and nurse told me in no uncertain terms if I did not do the work necessary to improve my health and wellbeing my health would deteriorate greatly and possibly an early death me and my closest friend Marina Rawlings had been talking and making plans about travelling together seeing historical sites and seeing the world the thought of being to ill to travel was totally unacceptable or to die before my spiritual service on this earth was fulfilled was totally unacceptable to me I decided it was a straight fight between me and Diabetes 2 and thus my willpower was re ignited and had come alive again I am so glad that my mental and emotional state had improved as I am sure if I had not took the steps to improve my mental and emotional state the state of inertia that I was in coupled with diabetes 2 my health would have deteriorated greatly but now I had reasons to live and sure as hell Diabetes 2 was not going to stand in my way I now realise I had got rid of all the rubbish that covered my willpower and held me back in life
Apart from losing weight my diet gave me some realisations the biggest one being dieting is about self care not self denial or battling hunger until your next meal when you truly realise you are actually caring for yourself through diet dieting becomes that much easier and believe it or not I gradually found dieting to be a pleasure rather than a chore as I was improving my health and wellbeing I will share my realisations with you as they all promote strong and powerful willpower
1, Positive balances Negative in our universe we are greatly effected by our environment as to how we feel inside and what decisions that we make by our work and relationships and so on if we feel low we are more likely to eat unhealthy food because for a time it makes us feel better for a short time but in reality we are piling on the pounds and polluting our bodies so we must balance negative thoughts and emotions with positive thoughts and emotions for example you hate your job instead of hating your job look at it as a means of paying your bills so you can live in a material world count our blessings as there are many that are far worse off than us I know thinking like this certainly cheers me up if you have had a bad day don’t moan and gripe about it and reach for the dairy milk chocolate or wine think how you could have improved your day think that tomorrow is a blank page I have the opportunity and the power of creation to make it a good day meditate step into the moment because there is truly peace all around us take a hot shower and visualise washing all that negativity down the plug hole
2, Craving food I know from past experience cravings for our favourite food can be terrible there is something that is known as state dependant learning I picked this little gem up from my behavioural neuro pharmacologist ex wife it is quite simply our brain and body has got used to what we put into it and the amounts we put into it and when we lessen the amount our brain and body starts to crave that amount of food alcohol cigarettes or drugs we put into it know when you start to diet the cravings will be fierce but as time goes by they will become less and less know that and your willpower will be strong do not fear or succumb to your cravings they will become less just be determined enough to see it through
3, A little mental trick I used to use and still do at times whilst shopping I would see the foods I loved such as cheese white bread sausages chocolate and pies and knew they were harmful to my diet and harmful to me with my diabetes so I would just imagine a skull and crossbones on them and walk by this helped me stay on the straight and narrow and thinking about it it was a mental tool for turning a negative into a positive and helped me beat my cravings thus promoting my willpower
4, Set yourself goals thinking about all the weight you need to lose can seem an insurmountable task I set myself half stone targets which were far easier to reach than thinking of the whole 4 stone target I originally set for myself be determined be stubborn with yourself if necessary as there is always someone who will want you to have dessert or a chip sandwich saying this once wont hurt but I let nothing detract me from my next half stone target as it would slow my progress and this will help to excersise your mental and emotional muscles and strengthen your willpower when I reached my half stone target I gave myself a little treat such as a sausage sandwich it gives us something to aim for and promotes a sense of achievement
As your clothes start to feel loose try on the clothes that don’t fit anymore then you have a good guide on how much more you need to lose to fit into them clothes make it a goal to be able to wear them clothes comfortably I cant tell you the sense of achievement I had when I could finally wear my grey suit comfortably 36″ waist small trousers 46″ chest
5. Focus on your goals let nothing detract you from your goals remember your reprogramming yourself so focus is very important it will boost your willpower to help you achieve your goals
6, Intention set your intention to lose your weight and reach your desired weight I made myself a promise that I would lose 4 stone in weight I did not want the guilt of failing to lose 4 stone this set my intention
I hope you the reader has enjoyed reading this and have gained some helpful advice from it I am now the healthiest I have been in years simply by changing the way I think with focus and intention and this awoke my willpower
In Light and Love Stephen
Where do I begin this blog from the beginning I suppose but hard to remember where it all began but thinking about it was a long downward slope of around 18 years in that time I had 3 long-term girlfriends one who I adored cheated on me the pain of her infidelity took me from 16 stone 10 pounds to 12 stone the next girlfriend thought I was the Royal Bank of Mug but laced it up as love by that time I was drinking heavily and smoking around 40-60 cigarettes a day
And to be honest my life was at rock bottom at that point although I was working full-time and had a flat I was scratching around spiritually and no social life and I was skint so on boxing day 2010 I decided I needed to turn my life around and make 2011 a year of change and started getting myself out there as once upon a time in the mid 80’s to early 90’s I was a spiritualist medium demonstrating mediumship at spiritualist churches on what we call the circuit I missed those times I had spoken to my spirit guides saying to them I was fed up with getting into relationships and landing up with nothing they advised me to do what I was good at to work with them and be a medium and healer once again
I became friends with a lovely lady and fellow medium Jane Lorraine Goodman who helped me to see the errors of my ways with drinking and smoking and holding onto anger due to past hurts drinking smoking and being a temperamental sod that had a very real detrimental effect on me as a channel for spirit so I weaned myself off the booze from drinking daily to drinking occasionally as I enjoy a glass of wine or beer when out for dinner or a few drinks when at parties so I decided not to drink in the week or 24 hours before serving spirit much better for me to drink socially than to be in a pissed or hung over state by drinking daily
I smoked for 40 years so giving up was not going to be easy so I got the patches and nicotine lozenges and kicked the habit but I must admit to my shame today I am still addicted to the nicotine lozengers and do enjoy the occasional fag but when I do I think why am I doing this it stinks and its horrible but hey ho it’s all part of the psyche of being a bad non smoker my mediumship is much improved by getting drinking and smoking under control and my general well-being is much improved to as getting my drinking under control has really helped me deal with my anger issues and booze really changes you into a not nice person and with meditation and practising what I preach I am much more at peace with myself others and the world
So in 2011 I found myself single I had not been single for 14 years I began getting used to my own company and getting to know and love myself new year 2011 was an incredibly positive time for me thinking back being single was the best thing that had happened to me for years I realised I had got my life back to rebuild and customise my life for me you may find that a very selfish statement but I very much-needed my life back to develop into all I could and can become this development will continue until the day I physically die
For the first time in 14 years I did not have a girlfriend to cook for me you may not believe this but at nearly 51 years old I did not know how to cook except like basic things like a boiled egg a fry up a cup of tea sandwiches etc etc etc you get my drift
With working 12 hour rotating day and night shifts I was to lazy and had no inclination to learn how to cook for myself so for my main meal I would eat a Tescos finest ready meal with 4 slices of white bread and Bertolli spread breakfast would be porridge Weetabix or corn flakes with semi skimmed milk or a fry up lunch would be 2 rounds of mature cheddar sandwiches with crisps or chocolate and 2 rounds of sandwiches crisps and chocolate for nightshift
The weight began to pile on I thought it did not matter as I was in my mid fifties my handsome hunk days were over I became impotent which hurt as in my mind I still considered myself as a red-blooded male but I thought hey ho the ladies are not interested in me anymore I had lost teeth on my upper and lower sets and had become obese this now seems a funny way of thinking to me now as I love female company most of my friends are ladies and my bestest friend is the lovely Marina Rawlings I just thought of it all as an age thing but with what I know now I realise I had let myself go big time and was not caring for myself as I should
I have spent a lot of time over the years talking to people about the importance of loving oneself I have now realised I need to practice what I have been preaching with self love over the past few years I have been working to let go of all past hurts and my anger re past hurts again as I thought practising what I preach but throughout all that I had omitted to care for my physical well being
The symptoms of Diabetes 2 came on slowly between 2011 – March 2016 constantly feeling tired and lethargic wanting to sleep all the time a itchy red rash on my ankles and shins taking ages to pee which I thought at the time maybe a prostrate problem feeling like I had a bag of sugar in my mouth and impotence my mum would also tell me I smelt funny but since my diet she says the smell has gone I can only put this down to all the crap I was eating have realised it is very true we are what we eat
I decided to finally address my health issues in March 2016 and got a doctors appointment I told the doctor my health problems did a blood and urine test I was called back into see the doctor 07/04/16 she told me my testosterone was fine but I was full of sugar with a sugar score of 63 (7.9) I was in fact suffering from Diabetes 2 and all my health problems were related to Diabetes 2 and my weight the 5ft nothing doctor then proceeded to give me the mother of all rollockings of the state I had got myself into and at my age and weight I was at very high risk of a heart attack or stroke and I needed to do something about it pronto
By losing weight eating diabetic friendly foods and a lot more excersise the doctor prescribed metformin to treat the diabetes 2 and statins for my borderline cholesterol score the doctor advised I may get a upset stomach with the metformin but I actually found the metformin to be a help to my diet because it helped me to lose weight quickly as the metformin took all the crap out of my body pardon the pun 🙂
I was then dispatched to see the diabetic nurse another 5ft nothing terror who then proceeded to give me another rollocking about my state and gave me a check up my stats didn’t look to good that day weight 17 stone 7 pounds waist 49 inches Qrisk (lifescore) 20.92% the lower that score is the better Diabetes 63 (7.9) my blood pressure was also very high which was a shock to me as I have always had good blood pressure I could only put this down to the Tesco finest meals I had been shoving in my face since 2011 as they are full of salt and sugar I threw my ready meals out as soon as I got home I promised the diabetic nurse I would lose weight she told me she didn’t think I would be able to do it I thought lock and load bitch you watch thinking about it that was a great thing to say to me and it really helped motivate me so I went home and called my closest friend Marina Rawlings I told her what had happened at the doctors and in true Marina form she said I need to diet I will diet with you I admitted to her I didn’t know how to cook she said she will teach me the basics and she would visit Sunday 10/04/16 we would go shopping go for a walk show me how to cook mince and veg I went back to the nurse 14/04/16 and my blood pressure had returned to good and that was just in a week of not eating ready meals just goes to show how unhealthy they are
On the 10/04/16 my diet began but this diet needed to be different as I had spent most of my adult life dieting then putting the weight back on over the past couple of years I had started dieting but lacked the motivation or willpower to continue dieting so I needed to lose the weight and maintain it being told by the doctor and nurse that my life expectancy was not that good if I didn’t change my ways lose weight and control my diabetes was a real motivation to lose weight after reading the diabetes literature basically I had to eat meat or fish with veg for main meals cut way down on my carbs I love bread and potatoes but surprisingly it was easy to do and cut down on dairy foods I absolutely lurve eggs and cheese so this was hard and I very much missed cheese throughout my diet and the fact that I have a very low metabolism which means when I diet I have to eat very little to lose weight
On the 22/08/16 I went for a blood test I was really hoping my blood sugar score would be 48 or below that would mean I would no longer be a diet controlled diabetic on the 23/08/16 I received a phone call from the diabetic nurse my blood sugar score was now 31 I could either come off the metformin or take just one a day so I opted to come off metformin as I was concerned about the long term effect it would have on my body I kicked the statins into touch as well she said she wanted to see me urgently so I made an appointment with her for that afternoon I entered her office and she said to me I can see you have been wasting away I said told you I could do it she looked at me blankly but I had a great feeling of satisfaction growing within me she gave me a check up my stats looked much better that day weight 14 stone 1 pound waist 42 inches Diabetes 31 Qrisk (lifescore) 18.51%
FOCUS AND INTENTION
I realised I needed to be totally focussed on my goal of losing 4 stone in weight so I made a promise to myself that I would lose 4 stone in weight as I knew this would help to keep me focussed on my goal as I did not want the feeling of letting myself down if I failed to lose weight I also started a Facebook page titled Stevieboys Diet and Positive Way of Life page to chart my progress on my diet and share positive quotes but mainly I didnt want to make myself look stupid infront of my facebook friends and that to would help me to stay focussed
I achieved my 4 stone weight loss 23/10/16 13 stone 7 pounds I feel so much fitter and happier and have alot more energy to I am currently working down to 12 stone 7 pounds as the doctor tells me that is the right weight for my height and build
Dieting should not be seen as a chore or as self torture when in actual fact it is self care the whole mindset about dieting really needs to change from being torture to self care and it is all part of loving yourself taking care of your body is all about self love and care we buy a warm coat to keep out the cold in winter time the same could be said about dieting we care for ourselves to stay healthy and to keep out illness