In reflection of my life’s pathway, all is lost and won, I have walked this far. Regrets of my thoughts and actions in past life fade away, as the unseen creation beckons me to new beginnings, the ever decreasing circle of physical life, aware that now I am walking in the autumn sun of physical life.
The time has come to prepare for the winter of physical life, as the sun will surely set one day, now is the time to gracefully accept old age, and take things easier, I floated on the breeze of life, never settling as my self illusion took me on many a wrong path, life and love all so confusing, when the lie becomes more favourable than the truth.
Knowing, living, speaking, writing, my truth with open heart for all to see and share, is not enough in this material world of money and possession, as I seek to settle somewhere, to write and create, with my lady to love and home comforts to share. As I and we gradually fade away, on life’s physical pathway.
I went along one evening to a spiritual development circle, run by my friend Kevin Trefry, he said to me your not going to sit there and do nothing, I want you to give the meditation. I was a bit put out by this as I was very tired, and in need of recharging, I just wanted to just sit and enjoy the closeness of spirit. And do some of the mediumship exercises with the students, as I feel it is important to keep developing, and to maintain and strengthen our links with spirit, so I asked my spirit guides, what would be the best meditation to give to the circle. My spirit guide Jerome a Franciscan Monk came forward, and said ask them, to draw unconditional love from God into there hearts, to fill there hearts with unconditional love.
After the opening prayer I asked the students, to visualise the love of God, coming from above in white light, filling their hearts with divine unconditional love. The meditation began, myself and Kevin watched over the students, after 10 minutes or so I called the students back from their meditation, and I asked them each in turn, what they experienced during the meditation, and they all felt very empowered, and a great connection to all things, The lesson in the meditation is that love is the power of all things and is our connection to all things, the next day Jerome came to me, and inspired me with a poem, from the previous nights meditation.
Fast forward to 22/10/17, I was inspired to give Jeromes poem as a reading at the divine service Jennings Street Christian Spiritualist Church Swindon. The poem was well received by those in attendance, Jerome then went on to inspire me with the address from the poem, he inspired me to say that love is a choice, as everything in life is a choice, out of the vast range of emotions that we can feel, love is the emotion that we rarely choose, when we are faced with some form of adversity or negativity in life. We tend to rely on our base instincts such as anger, confusion, jealousy, a loss of self worth. When people are horrible to us, or we make a mistake in life through our choices in life, all this comes from our ego our pride kicks in, and we react seeking to hurt those who have hurt us, or anger when our plans go wrong, making the situation worst for ourselves and those around us.
Let us step onto the back foot rather than reacting with hurt, let us seek the solution to our problems with love, and ask ourselves what is the best solution to this problem with love, rather than always choosing our base instinct ego, to solve our problems, causing greater disharmony to the spirit of ourselves and others, when we think feel and act with love, we are connecting to our higher selves, our soul the true part of us, that lives within what we call God, whilst our spirit lives and learns through our minds and bodies, in this material world of the earth plane. Love is a great spectrum of all emotion, at its lowest level we have hatred, anger, greed, jealousy, avarice, sloth. at its highest level there is divine unconditional love.
We spirits who live and learn in this physical and material world, find ourselves going up and down the sliding scale, of the emotional spectrum of love, let love be our choice in all things, to heal our hurt feelings and calm negative situations, let love be our guide, not only with family and friends, but in all things and with all peoples, and in doing so we are putting ego in its place, and making life better for ourselves and all around us, helping us to find the inner peace we so often crave, when I first got into spiritualism, I was taught it is a big part of our spiritual development, to turn negative into positive that is why we are faced with negativity and adverse conditions at times, I truly believe we are here to learn how to love, that is our spiritual purpose for being here, the ascended masters who teach through the religions who adopted them, they all teach love its about time we all pricked up our ears, listened to the teachings of love from the masters, take those teachings within ourselves and live them, because surely we are all fed up with the terrible things that are going on around us and in the world, it needs us to make love, kindness, compassion, tolerance, Our way of life and truth.
THANKYOU FOR READING
Whilst writing this blog, I was taken back to the time when I used to sit on the back doorstep, at home in Langley my nan would be cooking Sunday dinner. I would be writing inspired notes for the address for the service that night, I have walked through 2 dark nights of the soul in life, and in the dark night I missed those times, but feel very blessed right now those times are now back. With me so I say to all who feel they are walking in darkness, be true to yourself, love yourself, love life no matter how dark it gets, and the sun will rise again.
Returning home weary, after a long week at work, negative emotion gnawing at my guts, anger turbulent within my mind, like the most violent lightening storm. I remind myself I am at home now, and that I am so blessed to have a home, on this cold wet and windy night.
My flat warm and cosy as can be, I change into my comfies, so good to be home, away from the corperate ego driven bullshit, that pays my bills, my home is my sanctuary, where I can breathe and be me.
Lying on my bed, candlelight illuminating the colours of my flat, looking at the pictures on my wall, telling the story of my past and present, a feeling of amazement washes over me. Wow this is my life, for the past 7 years, pictorial memories of holidays family and friends, my spiritual pathway, looking at me from my wall.
The summer day of my higher self, now calming my storm, reminding me it is not good to dwell, in self created negative of ego, the mind should always seek, the truth in heart, now I am glad I took the pictures on my wall, showing me where I have been, and where to go with blessings, thankyou pictures on my wall.
For many years I could never understand why people, would be so sad for the loss of their loved ones in spirit, their grieving causing them so much emotional pain, and sadness years after their beloved ones, had passed over the veil into spirit. The people I speak of are spiritualists, I stood beneath the spiritualist banner there is no death, and I wrongly felt that the knowledge of the truth there is no death, would be comforting enough for the pain and sadness of grieving, to cease but because I had not suffered the loss of a loved one, I did not understand the emotional kaleidoscope of grieving, even when people were getting messages via a medium, from there loved ones in spirit the pain and sadness still remained with them.
Whilst in spiritual development circle, an oriental spirit guide known to us as Li, came through his channel Ian Watts in trance, as he often did to give us some teaching of universal life in spirit. In his talk he was saying that we should not mourn our loved ones in spirit, as it is only the physical loss of our loved ones that we grieve for, and this to him grieving for our loved ones was selfish of us to do, he accepted that when we first lose a loved one there should be a period of mourning for the physical loss of the loved one, he went on to say that our loved ones are now in a realm of light, and are living within the divine energy of universal and unconditional love. We should be happy for them and allow them to continue, there journey in spirit as they are truly now spirit, and we should love them as spirit beings, and not selfishly mourn their physical loss, over a long period of time.
I held onto Li’s teaching for years believing it was selfish to grieve, for the physical loss of our loved ones, although I never spoke of this teaching as I believed, it would cause more hurt to those who had lost loved ones, it is my role as a medium to bring upliftment to others through spiritual teachings, but looking at Li’s teaching from a spirit perspective, his teaching is correct and I believe that this teaching, should be given totally from a spirit perspective, to those who are emotionally ready to receive it. As I have often thought we never see things from spirits side of life, and how it effects them in their interactions with us on earth, and in doing so this makes us the selfish ones.
Sadly my Dad passed over the veil into spirit 14/10/15, although his passing was expected as he was very ill, I stood by his bedside with my mother at Wexham Park Hospital, the doctor had just pronounced him physically dead, I held his hand and his voice loudly spoke to me in my head in his voice, “LOOK AFTER YOUR MOTHER” which was totally my Dad as he worships the ground my Mum walks on, my brother arrived and we said our farewells to my Dad, we went back to my mothers I was stunned it was as if time had stood still, but life was going on as everybody and everything was going about their daily business, I raised a glass of whiskey and ice Dads favourite drink to say cheers thanks for everything to him, Dads funeral was arranged for 03/11/15, to give friends from overseas a chance to assemble for his funeral, I took Mum to see Dad in the funeral home, as I stood over Dad in his coffin there was the real sickening energy of physical death, permeating deep into my gut, a feeling that stayed with me for a very long time, my mother said it is so cold in here Elwyn doesn’t like the cold, as she touched his cheek I said Mum he is not here this is just his shell, I took my mother home and prepared Dads Eulogy, as I was nominated to give it, as I was used to talking in front of people, my family sees that I have my uses.
The week after my fathers passing to spirit, I had three demonstrations of mediumship to do, I debated with myself whether I should do them or not, as I was an emotional and mental wreck functioning only to be strong for family, and cope with the rigours of my job, I made the decision to cancel my platform bookings, I knew the churches would understand. Queen was my dads favourite band, I got into the shuttle bus to go pick up staff, I switched on the radio The Show Must Go On by Queen, came blasting out of the radio this could only have been my Dad, as he was a very selfless man, and wanted his children to live life to the full, you may scoff but I know this is the truth.
I have often thought that the belief that our loved ones in spirit, leave a penny when they are near to be a fairytale, a few weeks after my Dads passing to spirit, I called out to my Dad, come on Dad if you are near give me a sign. I proceeded to hoover my flat, I had hoovered every square inch of my flat, as I was putting the hoover away, I looked down and there was a shiny penny looking up at me from the floor. How could I have missed that my flat is tiny, I couldn’t have missed it, no its just a fairytale, in the morning I walked down the bottom of the stairs, opened the door to go to work, and there was a shiny penny looking up at me from the paving slab, now I believe spirit leaving pennies as signs to be true.
My dad makes his presence felt most days I speak to him every morning, but I still miss him wish he was still here to talk to and share a joke with, and yes Li that makes me selfish, I live in the physical world where we need our loved ones near, we need their physical presence, as much as it is wonderful to receive a message from our loved ones in spirit, nothing can take away our need to have them physically with us. As a medium I have given the messages and watched the tears flow, there is nothing I can do to dry those tears, the spiritualist message of there is no death, has failed, but with compassion and spiritual teaching we can comfort and uplift.
Sitting talking in the twilight smoking a cigarette, chilled wine on table, my Veronica lying beside me on my bed, we are watching A Midsummer Nights Dream. A lovely Sunday evening once upon a time I craved moments like this, but the past is gone I sit here now within the moment feeling blessed, my road has led me here to this moment, writing my thoughts to share.
The last few weeks have been hard for me on a emotional level, where I have questioned my progress in life, my being and where I may progress to in life. With past memories showing me all that I was, there must be an answer to my visions of yesteryear, to where I am now through this gloomy grief, my heart finally grieving for my beloved father, so much I wish I had discovered about him as a person, when he was here on earth with us. With sad regret I wish I had realised my dad, was a spiritual man and wandering star his favourite song, a song that I love to.
Something happened to me that day 06/08/17 just after service, at The House Of the Good Shepherd Spiritualist Church in Uxbridge. A church that holds so many memories for me, I used to serve there in the mid 1980’s as a young medium, I have a strong memory of giving the chairpersons sister. A message from a young boy who tried to swim across the River Thames, in wartime London but he drowned halfway across, the chairperson Evelyn cried it was her son.
Standing in the church about to take my Veronica home, a powerful vision within my minds eye, of me as a young 25 year old man standing in the church, looking straight at my 57 year old self, now weary on this road of life, a lump came into my throat, I wanted to cry why I wanted to cry has caused me much pondering, my younger self had so much energy, discovering himself vocation found. lifes journey has led me back into spiritualism, a yearning to reach my lifes purpose and full potential weary of trying to prove myself, as it is a whole new world in modern spiritualism. But press on I must as Spirit keep telling me, my niche in this new life is coming, patience is not my strong point, but patient I must be, my emotions have been all over the place, is this the massive energy shift of the divine masculine and feminine, manifesting here on earth, I have really been questioning myself, my sexuality, and my place in this life, and what I need to become.
My link with Spirit has become stronger, as I have been doing more trance work, so I was confident when I headed to The Boudoir in Soho London, 10/09/17 to demonstrate mediumship to a LGBT audience. Who I must say were very welcoming and friendly, a very atmospheric venue I was sure the demonstration would go well, the organiser of the event was expecting me to prove survival after death, but alas my demonstration was mostly psychic, although the messages given were very accurate and well received, there was one lady who could place two elderly communicators from Spirit, and the message they gave her, but to the organisers dismay I worked mostly on a psychic link, and made her feelings known to me. All I could put it down to was the fact that I have been feeling down of late, Spirit tend to work more psychically when the channel is feeling low, I do feel strongly to say that messages from Spirit Guides, are still good evidence as they tell us of things, that are going on around us, and that to me is still evidence of survival, Spirit Guides were once people who walked the earth, and can see what is going on around us, so to me there messages are evidential proof of survival. Where else would I or any other medium get that information from, and I ask why should messages from Spirit Guides be termed as psychic, the organiser did say she booked me to demonstrate mediumship, and I feel I did as it was billed as a psychic event, I can see the irony in it, the difference between psychic and mediumship needs to be clarified.
I again stood in at The House of The Good Shepherd Uxbridge, 24/09/17 as the booked medium had cancelled, my Spirit Guide Jerome communicated a thoughtful address, and loved ones communicated there messages, with accuracy, love, and humour. A total contrast from the demo at The Boudoir, this energy shift is effecting me on all levels, I hope now things are beginning to settle, as I have found it most challenging, and I hope a better me will emerge from it, for now I continue my journey of psychic mediumship and self discovery.
God within me God without, how shall I ever be in Doubt. I am the sower and the sown, God’s self unfolding own.
As a Christian Spiritualist, Jesus is the one true example of all I know to be the truth. He was a soul living an earthly life through a physical body, and a material world. He was fully aware of his soul connection to the source, that we have named God. He was also a medium and healer, and when he died his spirit left his body and went into spirit, so what makes Jesus so different to me, or any of us, I believe it is now the time to really change our perception of ourselves. As I have long realised he was the personification of us all, his message was very simple I am you. And we can all develop the same love, compassion, kindness, as Jesus by knowing he came to show the human race who we truly are.
We are souls living and learning through a human experience, this is what I believe he was teaching us, when he said, “I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me” Jesus is an ascended master do we really think that he wanted to be worshipped, with worship it focusses all the goodness and divinity onto him, and makes us blind to our own goodness and divinity, and to his teachings, distracting us from developing his teachings from within, making us the hopeless sinners we are led to believe we are by organised religion. I feel strongly to say he wanted us to listen to him, and learn from him, about the truth of our existence here on mother earth, and to our soul connection to what we have named God, and for his teachings to be passed down through the ages. By doing this the consciousness and vibration of the human race, would have been raised to a much higher level, collectively and individually, this I believe was the purpose of Jesus being here on earth, he was actually trying to save us from ourselves, but through religion we have totally missed the point of the teaching and lessons. Religion is great for souls to come together, to share support and grow together, but sadly it has been corrupted by mans need for power and control.
Jesus had his troubles and temptations here in his short earthy life as we do, yet throughout his life he taught and guided us, how to deal with our problems, this is Jesus man and teacher, he dealt with his problems with love and intuition, at times he did not have the answers so he prayed, he asked for guidance and direction, as we do when we are lost, he was tempted by the devil out in the desert, for strength to resist temptation he prayed, and in doing so he was attuning himself, to the source of his being that we have named God, and in doing so attuning himself to his higher self, in his life story the source was identified as his father, I know the source to be the father and mother of us all depending on your perspective of the source. I really feel strongly to say it is wrong to believe, that Jesus was the son of God, in fact he was our brother, teaching us of our connection to the source throughout his life, to believe Jesus was the son of God, makes him some kind of supernatural being, within our human biological mindset.
When in truth Jesus was exactly the same as us, mind, body, spirit, soul, living an earthly existence to experience, learn, give, and grow. To look on Jesus as a supernatural being, is now very old hat and wrong we have to remember that Jesus, was communicating to people 2000 years ago , so the source through him was communicating to the level of understanding at the time, we now live in a time of science and technology, its about time our understanding of life and spirituality, moved along with the times, but man made religion likes to keep us in our place, so we remain its servants via a man made supernatural being, and making us feel incapable of attaining, what Jesus taught us what is naturally within us.
When Jesus spoke of his fathers house I strongly believe, he was talking of what we believe is heaven, or as I believe the spirit world, the many mansions he spoke of, to me are the many many levels of spirit within the spirit world, nobody knows how many levels there are, as there are many lives and existences we know nothing about, it is a massive universe we live in. Jesus said he would prepare a place for us, I really do not believe Jesus meant as religion tells us, that we have to believe in him or the man made religion that adopted him, to gain a place with him in heaven or the spirit world, the place he would be preparing for us would be defined by, the life we led here on earth by our thoughts and actions, as to the kind of room that would be prepared for us. My house has many mansions means to me, that there is room for all, our thoughts and actions here on earth dictate, whether we land up living eternally in a palace, or a slum, a nice maisonette, a council estate, or suburbia. Our level of spirit is dictated by our soul progression, again by our thoughts and actions here on earth, we can as souls go up and down the levels of spirit, depending on our thoughts and actions, the choice is ours Jesus was guiding us to choose love, kindness, and compassion, over hatred, anger, selfishness , ignorance. We all have the universal gift of freewill, so we should make our choices wisely, freewill is the engine of spirit and soul development, let us make the template for our lives the teachings of Jesus, and all the other ascended masters, because they all brought the same message to us, the truth has one source but many different teachers, depending on our level of understanding.
Jesus life was teaching us the universal way of life, but in doing so he upset the religion of the time, because he was teaching us that we are responsible for our lives, and how we live it and not as a servant to man made religion, and in doing so taking away the power that religion had over the people. He upset the local government which were the romans at that time, by the amount of people that were following Jesus teachings, they feared civil unrest with the possibility of being overthrown.
At this time we see Jesus the man, living life by his freewill and choices, because his teachings were love, I honestly do not believe he realised how much upset, he was causing, he was upsetting religion and government, the two most powerful factions of the time and still are to this day. On his crucifixion Jesus said “father forgive them for they know not what they do” but they knew exactly what they were doing, they were getting rid of a trouble maker, because of the collective ego, they did not want to lose there power, they chose that over change and progression, to a better way of life, yes they were driven by greed. I do not believe Jesus wanted to die that day, as he prayed and asked his father for help to live, religion tells us that Jesus died to save us from sin, again making him supernatural but it was the sin of greed that killed him. We have to take the teachings of universal and unconditional love within, make them our living and speaking truth through the heart, then Jesus death would not have been in vain, whether you believe Jesus existed or not, its a great story that can heal guide and uplift us.