In reflection of my life’s pathway, all is lost and won, I have walked this far. Regrets of my thoughts and actions in past life fade away, as the unseen creation beckons me to new beginnings, the ever decreasing circle of physical life, aware that now I am walking in the autumn sun of physical life.
The time has come to prepare for the winter of physical life, as the sun will surely set one day, now is the time to gracefully accept old age, and take things easier, I floated on the breeze of life, never settling as my self illusion took me on many a wrong path, life and love all so confusing, when the lie becomes more favourable than the truth.
Knowing, living, speaking, writing, my truth with open heart for all to see and share, is not enough in this material world of money and possession, as I seek to settle somewhere, to write and create, with my lady to love and home comforts to share. As I and we gradually fade away, on life’s physical pathway.
I went along one evening to a spiritual development circle, run by my friend Kevin Trefry, he said to me your not going to sit there and do nothing,I want you to give the meditation. I was a bit put out by this as I was very tired, and in need of recharging, I just wanted to just sit and enjoy the closeness of spirit. And do some of the mediumship exercises with the students, as I feel it is important to keep developing, and to maintain and strengthen our links with spirit, so I asked my spirit guides, what would be the best meditation to give to the circle. My spirit guide Jerome a Franciscan Monk came forward, and said ask them, to draw unconditional love from God into there hearts, to fill there hearts with unconditional love.
After the opening prayer I asked the students, to visualise the love of God, coming from above in white light, filling their hearts with divine unconditional love. The meditation began, myself and Kevin watched over the students, after 10 minutes or so I called the students back from their meditation, and I asked them each in turn, what they experienced during the meditation, and they all felt very empowered, and a great connection to all things, The lesson in the meditation is that love is the power of all things and is our connection to all things.
The next day Jerome came to me, and inspired me with a poem, from the previous nights meditation. And I posted his poem as a blog earlier this year,
Fast forward to 22/10/17, I was inspired to give Jeromes poem as a reading at the divine service Jennings Street Christian Spiritualist Church Swindon. The poem was well received by those in attendance, Jerome then went on to inspire me with the address from the poem, he inspired me to say that love is a choice, as everything in life is a choice, out of the vast range of emotions that we can feel, love is the emotion that we rarely choose, when we are faced with some form of adversity or negativity in life. We tend to rely on our base instincts such as anger, confusion, jealousy, a loss of self worth. When people are horrible to us, or we make a mistake in life through our choices in life, all this comes from our ego our pride kicks in, and we react seeking to hurt those who have hurt us, or anger when our plans go wrong, making the situation worst for ourselves and those around us.
Let us step onto the back foot rather than reacting with hurt, let us seek the solution to our problems with love, and ask ourselves what is the best solution to this problem with love, rather than always choosing our base instinct ego, to solve our problems, causing greater disharmony to the spirit of ourselves and others, when we think feel and act with love, we are connecting to our higher selves, our soul the true part of us, that lives within what we call God, whilst our spirit lives and learns through our minds and bodies, in this material world of the earth plane. Love is a great spectrum of all emotion, at its lowest level we have hatred, anger, greed, jealousy, avarice, sloth. at its highest level there is divine unconditional love.
We spirits who live and learn in this physical and material world, find ourselves going up and down the sliding scale, of the emotional spectrum of love, let love be our choice in all things, to heal our hurt feelings and calm negative situations, let love be our guide, not only with family and friends, but in all things and with all peoples, and in doing so we are putting ego in its place, and making life better for ourselves and all around us, helping us to find the inner peace we so often crave, when I first got into spiritualism, I was taught it is a big part of our spiritual development, to turn negative into positive that is why we are faced with negativity and adverse conditions at times, I truly believe we are here to learn how to love, that is our spiritual purpose for being here, the ascended masters who teach through the religions who adopted them, they all teach love its about time we all pricked up our ears, listened to the teachings of love from the masters, take those teachings within ourselves and live them, because surely we are all fed up with the terrible things that are going on around us and in the world, it needs us to make love, kindness, compassion, tolerance, Our way of life and truth.
THANKYOU FOR READING
Whilst writing this blog, I was taken back to the time when I used to sit on the back doorstep, at home in Langley my nan would be cooking Sunday dinner. I would be writing inspired notes for the address for the service that night, I have walked through 2 dark nights of the soul in life, and in the dark night I missed those times, but feel very blessed right now those times are now back. With me so I say to all who feel they are walking in darkness, be true to yourself, love yourself, love life no matter how dark it gets, and the sun will rise again.
Returning home weary, after a long week at work, negative emotion gnawing at my guts, anger turbulent within my mind, like the most violent lightening storm. I remind myself I am at home now, and that I am so blessed to have a home, on this cold wet and windy night.
My flat warm and cosy as can be, I change into my comfies, so good to be home, away from the corperate ego driven bullshit, that pays my bills, my home is my sanctuary, where I can breathe and be me.
Lying on my bed, candlelight illuminating the colours of my flat, looking at the pictures on my wall, telling the story of my past and present, a feeling of amazement washes over me. Wow this is my life, for the past 7 years, pictorial memories of holidays family and friends, my spiritual pathway, looking at me from my wall.
The summer day of my higher self, now calming my storm, reminding me it is not good to dwell, in self created negative of ego, the mind should always seek, the truth in heart, now I am glad I took the pictures on my wall, showing me where I have been, and where to go with blessings, thankyou pictures on my wall.
God within me God without, how shall I ever be in Doubt. I am the sower and the sown, God’s self unfolding own.
As a Christian Spiritualist, Jesus is the one true example of all I know to be the truth. He was a soul living an earthly life through a physical body, and a material world. He was fully aware of his soul connection to the source, that we have named God. He was also a medium and healer, and when he died his spirit left his body and went into spirit, so what makes Jesus so different to me, or any of us, I believe it is now the time to really change our perception of ourselves. As I have long realised he was the personification of us all, his message was very simple I am you. And we can all develop the same love, compassion, kindness, as Jesus by knowing he came to show the human race who we truly are.
We are souls living and learning through a human experience, this is what I believe he was teaching us, when he said, “I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me” Jesus is an ascended master do we really think that he wanted to be worshipped, with worship it focusses all the goodness and divinity onto him, and makes us blind to our own goodness and divinity, and to his teachings, distracting us from developing his teachings from within, making us the hopeless sinners we are led to believe we are by organised religion. I feel strongly to say he wanted us to listen to him, and learn from him, about the truth of our existence here on mother earth, and to our soul connection to what we have named God, and for his teachings to be passed down through the ages. By doing this the consciousness and vibration of the human race, would have been raised to a much higher level, collectively and individually, this I believe was the purpose of Jesus being here on earth, he was actually trying to save us from ourselves, but through religion we have totally missed the point of the teaching and lessons. Religion is great for souls to come together, to share support and grow together, but sadly it has been corrupted by mans need for power and control.
Jesus had his troubles and temptations here in his short earthy life as we do, yet throughout his life he taught and guided us, how to deal with our problems, this is Jesus man and teacher, he dealt with his problems with love and intuition, at times he did not have the answers so he prayed, he asked for guidance and direction, as we do when we are lost, he was tempted by the devil out in the desert, for strength to resist temptation he prayed, and in doing so he was attuning himself, to the source of his being that we have named God, and in doing so attuning himself to his higher self, in his life story the source was identified as his father, I know the source to be the father and mother of us all depending on your perspective of the source. I really feel strongly to say it is wrong to believe, that Jesus was the son of God, in fact he was our brother, teaching us of our connection to the source throughout his life, to believe Jesus was the son of God, makes him some kind of supernatural being, within our human biological mindset.
When in truth Jesus was exactly the same as us, mind, body, spirit, soul, living an earthly existence to experience, learn, give, and grow. To look on Jesus as a supernatural being, is now very old hat and wrong we have to remember that Jesus, was communicating to people 2000 years ago , so the source through him was communicating to the level of understanding at the time, we now live in a time of science and technology, its about time our understanding of life and spirituality, moved along with the times, but man made religion likes to keep us in our place, so we remain its servants via a man made supernatural being, and making us feel incapable of attaining, what Jesus taught us what is naturally within us.
When Jesus spoke of his fathers house I strongly believe, he was talking of what we believe is heaven, or as I believe the spirit world, the many mansions he spoke of, to me are the many many levels of spirit within the spirit world, nobody knows how many levels there are, as there are many lives and existences we know nothing about, it is a massive universe we live in. Jesus said he would prepare a place for us, I really do not believe Jesus meant as religion tells us, that we have to believe in him or the man made religion that adopted him, to gain a place with him in heaven or the spirit world, the place he would be preparing for us would be defined by, the life we led here on earth by our thoughts and actions, as to the kind of room that would be prepared for us. My house has many mansions means to me, that there is room for all, our thoughts and actions here on earth dictate, whether we land up living eternally in a palace, or a slum, a nice maisonette, a council estate, or suburbia. Our level of spirit is dictated by our soul progression, again by our thoughts and actions here on earth, we can as souls go up and down the levels of spirit, depending on our thoughts and actions, the choice is ours Jesus was guiding us to choose love, kindness, and compassion, over hatred, anger, selfishness , ignorance. We all have the universal gift of freewill, so we should make our choices wisely, freewill is the engine of spirit and soul development, let us make the template for our lives the teachings of Jesus, and all the other ascended masters, because they all brought the same message to us, the truth has one source but many different teachers, depending on our level of understanding.
Jesus life was teaching us the universal way of life, but in doing so he upset the religion of the time, because he was teaching us that we are responsible for our lives, and how we live it and not as a servant to man made religion, and in doing so taking away the power that religion had over the people. He upset the local government which were the romans at that time, by the amount of people that were following Jesus teachings, they feared civil unrest with the possibility of being overthrown,
At this time we see Jesus the man, living life by his freewill and choices, because his teachings were love, I honestly do not believe he realised how much upset, he was causing, he was upsetting religion and government, the two most powerful factions of the time and still are to this day. On his crucifixion Jesus said “father forgive them for they know not what they do” but they knew exactly what they were doing, they were getting rid of a trouble maker, because of the collective ego, they did not want to lose there power, they chose that over change and progression, to a better way of life, yes they were driven by greed. I do not believe Jesus wanted to die that day, as he prayed and asked his father for help to live, religion tells us that Jesus died to save us from sin, again making him supernatural but it was the sin of greed that killed him. We have to take the teachings of universal and unconditional love within, make them our living and speaking truth through the heart, then Jesus death would not have been in vain, whether you believe Jesus existed or not, its a great story that can heal guide and uplift us.
Seeking the sunrise, contemplating sunset, creation gave all things life, I am alive, so I am creation. Free, limitless, and ready to put this power to the test, what is real life. Whatever I want it to be, surely the creation of creation is truth.
Embracing who we see ourselves truly to be, rejecting the fear of what others might think, is a great step forward. By dropping out of the norm crowd, we step into fresh invitations, from our new norm crowd. But at least we are more content, as we do not feel something is missing, with our new norm crowd.
Seeking out our unseen selves, is also a very valid exercise, the part of us that hides in the shadows, desperately wanting, to live, breathe, and see the sun. Feeling the warmth of the sun on its face, it is dragged back into the shadows by fear, the fear of mockery or laughter, did not Shakespeare say, All the worlds a stage and each plays their part.
Nothing wrong with changing the part, as life goes on and we age, our needs and priorities become different, why should we accept the norm. Become and be what we want to be, from the inside out it is not treading on any toes, it is living our truth, rejecting fear and speaking our truth.
Our inner selves soul and spirit, are truly the total composition of love, it is how we express that love, to all around us, family, friends, pets, colleagues, but we forget to love life. Our true selves loves life, and knows that life, is a sacred learning temple, that all of us physical beings are pupils.
Yet we forget heart and mind, and keep them imprisoned by fear. Instead of allowing heart, mind, love. To run free in the sunshine, the essence of self expression, from sunrise to sunset, in this circle of life.
Where do I begin this blog from the beginning I suppose but hard to remember where it all began but thinking about it was a long downward slope of around 18 years in that time I had 3 long-term girlfriends one who I adored cheated on me the pain of her infidelity took me from 16 stone 10 pounds to 12 stone the next girlfriend thought I was the Royal Bank of Mug but laced it up as love by that time I was drinking heavily and smoking around 40-60 cigarettes a day
And to be honest my life was at rock bottom at that point although I was working full-time and had a flat I was scratching around spiritually and no social life and I was skint so on boxing day 2010 I decided I needed to turn my life around and make 2011 a year of change and started getting myself out there as once upon a time in the mid 80’s to early 90’s I was a spiritualist medium demonstrating mediumship at spiritualist churches on what we call the circuit I missed those times I had spoken to my spirit guides saying to them I was fed up with getting into relationships and landing up with nothing they advised me to do what I was good at to work with them and be a medium and healer once again
I became friends with a lovely lady and fellow medium Jane Lorraine Goodman who helped me to see the errors of my ways with drinking and smoking and holding onto anger due to past hurts drinking smoking and being a temperamental sod that had a very real detrimental effect on me as a channel for spirit so I weaned myself off the booze from drinking daily to drinking occasionally as I enjoy a glass of wine or beer when out for dinner or a few drinks when at parties so I decided not to drink in the week or 24 hours before serving spirit much better for me to drink socially than to be in a pissed or hung over state by drinking daily
I smoked for 40 years so giving up was not going to be easy so I got the patches and nicotine lozenges and kicked the habit but I must admit to my shame today I am still addicted to the nicotine lozengers and do enjoy the occasional fag but when I do I think why am I doing this it stinks and its horrible but hey ho it’s all part of the psyche of being a bad non smoker my mediumship is much improved by getting drinking and smoking under control and my general well-being is much improved to as getting my drinking under control has really helped me deal with my anger issues and booze really changes you into a not nice person and with meditation and practising what I preach I am much more at peace with myself others and the world
So in 2011 I found myself single I had not been single for 14 years I began getting used to my own company and getting to know and love myself new year 2011 was an incredibly positive time for me thinking back being single was the best thing that had happened to me for years I realised I had got my life back to rebuild and customise my life for me you may find that a very selfish statement but I very much-needed my life back to develop into all I could and can become this development will continue until the day I physically die
For the first time in 14 years I did not have a girlfriend to cook for me you may not believe this but at nearly 51 years old I did not know how to cook except like basic things like a boiled egg a fry up a cup of tea sandwiches etc etc etc you get my drift
With working 12 hour rotating day and night shifts I was to lazy and had no inclination to learn how to cook for myself so for my main meal I would eat a Tescos finest ready meal with 4 slices of white bread and Bertolli spread breakfast would be porridge Weetabix or corn flakes with semi skimmed milk or a fry up lunch would be 2 rounds of mature cheddar sandwiches with crisps or chocolate and 2 rounds of sandwiches crisps and chocolate for nightshift
The weight began to pile on I thought it did not matter as I was in my mid fifties my handsome hunk days were over I became impotent which hurt as in my mind I still considered myself as a red-blooded male but I thought hey ho the ladies are not interested in me anymore I had lost teeth on my upper and lower sets and had become obese this now seems a funny way of thinking to me now as I love female company most of my friends are ladies and my bestest friend is the lovely Marina Rawlings I just thought of it all as an age thing but with what I know now I realise I had let myself go big time and was not caring for myself as I should
I have spent a lot of time over the years talking to people about the importance of loving oneself I have now realised I need to practice what I have been preaching with self love over the past few years I have been working to let go of all past hurts and my anger re past hurts again as I thought practising what I preach but throughout all that I had omitted to care for my physical well being
The symptoms of Diabetes 2 came on slowly between 2011 – March 2016 constantly feeling tired and lethargic wanting to sleep all the time a itchy red rash on my ankles and shins taking ages to pee which I thought at the time maybe a prostrate problem feeling like I had a bag of sugar in my mouth and impotence my mum would also tell me I smelt funny but since my diet she says the smell has gone I can only put this down to all the crap I was eating have realised it is very true we are what we eat
I decided to finally address my health issues in March 2016 and got a doctors appointment I told the doctor my health problems did a blood and urine test I was called back into see the doctor 07/04/16 she told me my testosterone was fine but I was full of sugar with a sugar score of 63 (7.9) I was in fact suffering from Diabetes 2 and all my health problems were related to Diabetes 2 and my weight the 5ft nothing doctor then proceeded to give me the mother of all rollockings of the state I had got myself into and at my age and weight I was at very high risk of a heart attack or stroke and I needed to do something about it pronto
By losing weight eating diabetic friendly foods and a lot more excersise the doctor prescribed metformin to treat the diabetes 2 and statins for my borderline cholesterol score the doctor advised I may get a upset stomach with the metformin but I actually found the metformin to be a help to my diet because it helped me to lose weight quickly as the metformin took all the crap out of my body pardon the pun 🙂
I was then dispatched to see the diabetic nurse another 5ft nothing terror who then proceeded to give me another rollocking about my state and gave me a check up my stats didn’t look to good that day weight 17 stone 7 pounds waist 49 inches Qrisk (lifescore) 20.92% the lower that score is the better Diabetes 63 (7.9) my blood pressure was also very high which was a shock to me as I have always had good blood pressure I could only put this down to the Tesco finest meals I had been shoving in my face since 2011 as they are full of salt and sugar I threw my ready meals out as soon as I got home I promised the diabetic nurse I would lose weight she told me she didn’t think I would be able to do it I thought lock and load bitch you watch thinking about it that was a great thing to say to me and it really helped motivate me so I went home and called my closest friend Marina Rawlings I told her what had happened at the doctors and in true Marina form she said I need to diet I will diet with you I admitted to her I didn’t know how to cook she said she will teach me the basics and she would visit Sunday 10/04/16 we would go shopping go for a walk show me how to cook mince and veg I went back to the nurse 14/04/16 and my blood pressure had returned to good and that was just in a week of not eating ready meals just goes to show how unhealthy they are
On the 10/04/16 my diet began but this diet needed to be different as I had spent most of my adult life dieting then putting the weight back on over the past couple of years I had started dieting but lacked the motivation or willpower to continue dieting so I needed to lose the weight and maintain it being told by the doctor and nurse that my life expectancy was not that good if I didn’t change my ways lose weight and control my diabetes was a real motivation to lose weight after reading the diabetes literature basically I had to eat meat or fish with veg for main meals cut way down on my carbs I love bread and potatoes but surprisingly it was easy to do and cut down on dairy foods I absolutely lurve eggs and cheese so this was hard and I very much missed cheese throughout my diet and the fact that I have a very low metabolism which means when I diet I have to eat very little to lose weight
Me Shopping with Marina 10/04/16
Marina teaching me how to cook 10/04/16
Diabetic friendly meal
Diabetic friendly meal
Diabetic friendly meal
Diabetic friendly meal
Diabetic friendly meal
Diabetic friendly meal
Diabetic friendly meal
Lunch at work
On the 22/08/16 I went for a blood test I was really hoping my blood sugar score would be 48 or below that would mean I would no longer be a diet controlled diabetic on the 23/08/16 I received a phone call from the diabetic nurse my blood sugar score was now 31 I could either come off the metformin or take just one a day so I opted to come off metformin as I was concerned about the long term effect it would have on my body I kicked the statins into touch as well she said she wanted to see me urgently so I made an appointment with her for that afternoon I entered her office and she said to me I can see you have been wasting away I said told you I could do it she looked at me blankly but I had a great feeling of satisfaction growing within me she gave me a check up my stats looked much better that day weight 14 stone 1 pound waist 42 inches Diabetes 31 Qrisk (lifescore) 18.51%
FOCUS AND INTENTION
I realised I needed to be totally focussed on my goal of losing 4 stone in weight so I made a promise to myself that I would lose 4 stone in weight as I knew this would help to keep me focussed on my goal as I did not want the feeling of letting myself down if I failed to lose weight I also started a Facebook page titled Stevieboys Diet and Positive Way of Life page to chart my progress on my diet and share positive quotes but mainly I didnt want to make myself look stupid infront of my facebook friends and that to would help me to stay focussed
I achieved my 4 stone weight loss 23/10/16 13 stone 7 pounds I feel so much fitter and happier and have alot more energy to I am currently working down to 12 stone 7 pounds as the doctor tells me that is the right weight for my height and build
Dieting should not be seen as a chore or as self torture when in actual fact it is self care the whole mindset about dieting really needs to change from being torture to self care and it is all part of loving yourself taking care of your body is all about self love and care we buy a warm coat to keep out the cold in winter time the same could be said about dieting we care for ourselves to stay healthy and to keep out illness