Self Doubt Rise Above It

 

I have found myself at a tipping point in life, I have always done what I have done for self survival, it is the name of the game in this material world of ours, earning enough money to live and survive in this physical life, throughout my working life I have always taken jobs with low pay and long hours just to survive, and have earned a good living at the expense of my quality of life, and spiritual pathway life as always teaches lessons, the realisation that life is teaching me a lesson became most apparent at my latest job interview.

I recently went for a job as a security officer at a local shopping centre, presenting the interviewer with a CV that holds 28 years of experience, in different roles within the security industry, a few of them employed in retail security in uniform and as a store detective, and shopping centre security, so I felt I was well placed for the job role I was applying for, the interview to my mind did not go well, as the interviewer treated me as if I had not done security work before, and as if I was inherently stupid, asking me questions on what he had just said.

Realising that he was assuming because of the job role I was applying for, that I must be of low intelligence offended me, the hourly rate was not that great even by security industry standards, with no double pay for working bank holidays, my interviewer tried to impress on me how wonderful it was, that my maybe future employer would provide me with a uniform, that I did not have to pay for is this what the security industry has become I thought, as my interviewer described the daily routine of a security officer at the shopping centre, asking had I done this or that before, to be honest and this may sound very arrogant but I felt over qualified for the job role I was being interviewed for, my CV was there before him holding more than enough of the experience required for the job role, and my interviewer was treating me as if I had just landed at Heathrow, got my security badge and was applying for my first security job.

I left the interview very angry with the interviewer, because of the way I was treated, I felt that with my CV and experience that I should have been treated with more respect, also realising that he  was rigidly sticking to the interview formula, set down by the company he works for,  which is ok for people just coming into the security industry, but not for old campaigners like myself with 28 years of experience, having said all this the working hours for the job, would really fit in with my spiritual work and development, my interview experience got me thinking, do I really need to do this kind of work, and be treated like a slave amoeba.

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The question keeps running through my mind, why do I keep running to these kind of jobs just to survive, surely just surviving is not quality of life, and is really not progressing towards my purpose in life, I now know that my purpose in life is to serve spirit, as a healer and medium, writer and poet, but alas my purpose does not pay the bills, my tipping point has given me a choice to either, do what I have always done to survive, or to focus on serving spirit full time, doing readings and demonstrations, giving spiritual guidance, the universe is saying to me the choice is yours, and it is a very scary choice to make as I have not the finances to support me, whilst I focus on and grow a spiritual business, as can be done in the new and evolving spiritual industry, but what can I do in the meantime, the answer is very clear, I must work in the material world to keep the roof over my head.

I am also grateful for the massive learning curve that I am now on, regret is no longer useful to me, thinking what if I had not left the spiritual pathway, there is a bigger realisation here, why did I never believe in myself, or realise my own self worth, but I cannot dwell on my lack of self belief or worth, in the past what matters is now, and what I do with lessons learned, the one thing I did learn from the interview is that I am worth more, the beauty of life is that we can manifest change from within at any point in our lives, and it is the inner change of self belief and worth that I now seek, and focussing on for the future, I have been used by spirit in the past, to help people love and believe in themselves, now once again it is time for me to practice what I preach.

Life is an open book and we all write in it’s pages, it is very important not to regret past mistakes, if we had taken a different road all this does is weigh us down, and hold us back from inner new beginnings and new life, I am told by others that I am talented, so time to focus on those talents and develop them as often as possible, and no more doing myself down with dead end jobs, with no chance of progression just to survive, I am also 58 years old so seeking out a career is pointless at my time of life, although I have had opportunities in the past to create a career, but dwelling on the past as I said is pointless, it is very important in life to work with what we have in life, rather than yearning for what we have not, we can do nothing with what we do not have, much better to focus on what we can become with what we have, I have mind and a reasonably healthy body, I have life, purpose, and love, I  have talents to develop, thankyou job interview for making me realise life and future service needs me to be so much more.

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But the lessons still needed to be learned, as I was still teetering on my tipping point, the point being how to balance my material and spiritual, and earn enough money to live on my finances are running low, I was worried about being able to meet my financial commitments, 31/07/18 I had a second interview for a supermarket home delivery service, which meant going on a delivery run with the supervisor, delivering shopping to peoples doors and a driving assessment, the supervisor is a friendly chap we got on well and the interview went well, I had passed all assessments, the supervisor told me he had other interviews, and let me know the following Monday 06/08/18 if I had been successful or not, but the hourly rate was not good, and the hours offered meant I would not earn enough to make a living, so I would have to turn down the job if offered it, I got the call but was unsuccessful in my application, as my customer service skills were not as strong as other candidates.

All of this with my financial worries made me feel very low, but I had to pull myself together, as I was doing a demonstration of mediumship, at The Divine Spark Centre in Bredhurst Kent, 01/08/18 my girlfriend Veronica drove me to the centre, as my car has a water leak,  The Centre is run by my best friend Marina Rawlings and her colleague Mandy Lafferty, I wanted to have a good strong connection to spirit that evening, as I was honoured to be serving my best friends centre, reminding myself that it is my purpose in life, to serve spirit as a healer and medium, as I sat there alone waiting for the demonstration to start, rising above my worries and woes to raise my vibration, to be able to communicate with spirit, I got a strong image within my minds eye, of the face of an elderly man with rugged weather beaten features, white/grey  hair brushed back balding on top long white/grey side burns, with a determined look on his face, there had been a lot of talk of spiritual activity at the centre, so I thought this spirit is just passing through but he remained with me.

 

 

I started the demonstration and it was going well with a strong connection to spirit, in the audience there was a young friend of Marina’s, who Marina had told me before the demonstration that her friends mother was very ill, I was very drawn to this young lady, and she had a very strong native American guide who wished to speak to her, but I was holding back as I did not want what I already knew, to stain the link with the spirit guide, nor did I want to blurt out publicly anything the spirit guide wished to say about her mother, as I strongly felt that this would be to private for the young lady to share publicly, the native American spirit guide gave me symbolic images, of what life was like for the young lady I interpreted the images for her, and she was accepting the message, but I did feel a bit of a fraud as I had prior knowledge of this young ladies life. then the old weather beaten man who I saw before the demonstration, popped up in my minds eye, he told me he was the young ladies grandfather, I told the young lady I had her grandfather on her fathers side of the family with her, I felt strongly he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, as he was showing me a cement mixer, he was also impressing on me the dark green cardigan he always used to wear, I described him to her she smiled I could see him lent over her as she sat there, with his hands on her shoulders, her grandfather passed on a message of love to her, via me that he was there to support her and the rest of her family through this difficult time.

After the demonstration the young lady came to me, she was delighted with her message from her grandfather, she told me my description of him was spot on, that he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, and her grandad was always there to support and comfort family in troubled times, and that her and her father were dealing with her mothers illness, alone as other family had seemed to step back from them, but she was very happy that her grandad had communicated, and proved to her that he was still with them and supporting them, she also told me her father was a non believer in life after death, but she would tell him of her message from her grandad. 

      Myself and the lovely Marina Rawlings at The Divine Spark Centre 01/08/18

My link with spirit and the whole demonstration, especially the message to the young lady from her grandad, had given me the inner upliftment that I needed at that time, and reminded me of how very blessed I am to be a channel for spirit, I decided not to allow myself to get low about my present predicament, and felt a bit daft as I am a great believer in the power of positive thinking, and how the power of thought can bring to us what we want or need in life, the next day 02/08/18 I said to Veronica something wonderful is going to happen today, it is a magical day and I live a magical and abundant life, Veronica looked at me as if I had jumped out of a Jamboree bag, but my thoughts and intentions were set.

We had breakfast and I went online to seek work and apply for jobs, I applied for a couple of security jobs that I had applied for previously, but hey ho I thought no harm in applying again, around 11 am I got a phone call from a security recruitment company, he said you sent me your cv this morning, you have a strong security background, I have two jobs in mind for you can I discuss them with you, I said yes certainly, both jobs were for a leading national security company, both jobs 4 on 4 off on a rolling basis, one a night mobile driver locking and unlocking sites and doing site patrols, the other was still mobile but driving to a well known store in various locations, spending a couple of hours in each of them providing a security presence and deterrent to store thieves, I told the caller I had experience in both roles, although he advised me I could only apply for one of the jobs, so I picked the night mobile job, he asked if he could send my cv to the company I agreed he could, and asked if I would be available next day for interview at 11 am, I told him I would be available.

Around 30 minutes later the recruitment consultant called me back, saying the security company wanted to see me for interview the next day, I accepted the offer of an interview and agreed to attend the interview,  my day had turned around just by positive thinking and setting sincere intentions, I was jumping for joy as I told Veronica of my good fortune, I was very uplifted but the job had not been won yet, and I was hoping that my interviewer was old school security like myself, and not like the chrome new boy who interviewed me at the shopping centre.

I realised that the time and date of the interview was very powerful, spiritually and universally, three being the most powerful number in the universe, and eleven being a angel number, for letting go of the past and focussing on and working towards our goals, so on 03/08/18  at 11 am I attended the security company for interview, my interviewer a friendly no nonsense sort of guy, told me about the job we talked about my relevant experience for the job, he told me he has been working in the security industry nearly as long as I have, the look on his face told me he knew he couldn’t, give me any of the new corperate security industry bullshit I had experienced in previous interviews, he said look I am going to offer you a job, I have three jobs I want to talk you about, but you can only pick one, mobile relief, mobile retail days, mobile nights, I picked the mobile retail job as it was days, it would be a better work life balance for my relationship with Veronica, he took my uniform sizes and my bank details for wages, I am just waiting for vetting to go through and I can start work, and I am very much looking forward to my new role, as I will be able to earn enough money to live on, and have time to focus on and progress with my spiritual, all came right in the end with positive thinking and focus on my goals, although I did not want to work in the security industry anymore, I know this job and it fits in with the life I wish to lead. 

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                                                      My Veronica

During the past two weeks the universe has been sending me a very strong message, in quotes that I have read and movies that I have watched several times a day, telling me to practice what I preach, to believe in myself and focus and work hard towards my goals, I know this is not easy, when we feel low about ourselves and our future prospects, I have learned this past two weeks, to rise above my woes and focus on my goals, as I do when I communicate with spirit, our doubts about ourselves and our prospects become a real burden, stopping us from focussing on our goals or what we need to achieve daily, by rising above our doubts believing that everyday is wonderful and magical, using that energy to focus on and work towards our material/spiritual goals, and knowing that every setback is there to teach us something, and guide us to our greatest and highest good, so lets not be down about our setbacks learn from them, and use them as a springboard for the future, I am grateful for the lesson and finally practising what I am preaching.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NAMASTE

Stephen Rowlands 08/08/18

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The Meaning Of Life Is

I have currently been undergoing a massive life change, I have moved in with my girlfriend Veronica, so what you may think but after 8 years of single life, this was a massive step for me, to make a commitment to live forever with a lady, with the possibility of it all going horribly wrong, was very scary for me as I had become very comfortably single, and had created a very nice life for myself, having said all this with my spiritual knowledge I know that life is all about change, whether it be positive or negative change, it somehow guides the flow of life.

It has been said to me that it takes a lot of guts to do what I have done, especially with no job as I have moved areas as well as homes, yes I have taken a leap of faith that all will be well, I cannot live in the past with memories of all my failed relationships and dead end jobs, holding me back from any possibility of change or growth, life for me or anyone would just stagnate, I have now come into the simple realisation that the meaning of life is to live it, quite simply with all its trials and trap doors, we cannot be held back by past hurts that evolve into fears, tarring all newcomers into our lives with the same brush.

Life is a great teacher and we must be aware of the lessons life is teaching us, not only about what others did to us, and how angry bitter and twisted it has made us, but what in fact we were doing to life to create all these disasterous situations, for ourselves I have learned much over the last 8 years and finally listened to my teacher life, my spiritual knowledge tells me that we create our lives from within, which I know to be true, why are we so needy for love we will fall for the first handsome or pretty face, or those who promise to love us forever who end up using and abusing us, it is first and foremost the most important thing is to love ourselves, for how can we be loved by another if we cannot love ourselves.

By loving ourselves we discover what is acceptable or unacceptable to us, and we can use it as a guide to all newcomers into our lives, from past relationships we learn exactly what we don’t want, so if a handsome or pretty newcomer comes into our lives, protesting there eternal undying love and affection for us, but they start to display the things we don’t want or like, then we can keep our distance from them, relationships just like life are in a state of evolution, take time to get to know the newcomer, see if they truly live up to there words and our expectations of them, myself and Veronica have been together 11 months now, and we have worked through our fears and come together, we evolved through being truthful to each other and love, yes love is also honesty and truth, and through that honesty and truth and self love, we can become who we truly are life is about change and growth the only way we can achieve it, is to live a full life make or break to live and speak our truth through an open heart, life is the greatest journey of all let us not be bound by the past, but explorers of our undiscovered selves and life with the many many things in life to discover within ourselves and all the possibilities to create.

Stephen Rowlands 11/06/18

Altar

There is no greater altar than your heart, churches and temples are reflections of heart and mind, ascended master teachings and symbolic icons are focus for heart and mind, in a physical world of human consciousness,  life and creation is the religion of the soul, Love connects heart and mind, to all creation let love be the power and teaching of heart and mind.

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Stephen Rowlands 20/05/18

 

Growing Out Of My Chrysalis

  Destiny and fate the two big questions in life that I have often dismissed with freewill, I have always believed whatever way you go in life you will reach the destiny you have created, and that will become your fate yes freewill is choice and through choice we engineer our lives, my life is going through some big changes right now, yes I am making my choices but somehow I feel it is all guided, which makes me feel very blessed I live within the realisation, that spirit can see the big picture that we cannot possibly see, from our limited perception of time and space, do spirit extrapolate possible outcomes from our choices, and gently guide us to the best possible outcome, often through our own freewill we choose to ignore guidance from spirit, but what I do know is that spirit gently guide us through heart and mind.

For spirit guidance to be successful our hearts and minds must be flowing with the natural flow of life, not with everyone else’s natural flow but our own,  this is why we should truly seek who and what we are meant to be, not from the external world but from heart and mind, with spiritualism I had found my niche in life,  and serving spirit  gave me an identity and a completeness, I had found my true self but mistakenly I wanted to be like everyone else, because I felt alone felt different from everyone else and in the public eye, is a very lonely place so off I went in search of a “normal” life, and to be honest failed miserably by being what I am not, over the coming years my spiritual service faded to virtually nothing, just a few services a year and the odd friend or stranger that my spiritual awareness could be of use to.

Autumn 2008 I found myself in a big rut I was living with my girlfriend, all I was doing was working and paying bills, my spiritual work was virtually non existent, I was lost going nowhere fast, I looked up to the sky opened my heart and mind, and said “Angels please help me find my purpose in life, let me fulfill my purpose in life, I know I was meant for more than this”. In hindsight now I know that my prayer was answered, looking back everything I did not need was taken away from me, people, places, which allowed me to become aware and develop my inner self and life purpose, on a spiritual pathway.

When I first moved into my flat 23/07/10 it was due to my girlfriend, going out to a nice italian restaurant for dinner, with the wealthy husband of a elderly and sick lady she was caring for, in her job as a carer in a care home we had a big argument about it, I was very angry with her as I was paying off the debt collection agencies, who were pursuing her for unpaid bills, aswell as supporting the home we lived in along with my own finances, it left me little or no money for myself I was working very long hours just to survive, having said all this I still loved her very much, you may think of me as being very foolish, as I have always believed in the power of love, it was through my belief in love that I managed to woo her back to me, in hindsight this was a big mistake as she was only luring me back for my paycheque, the power of love can only work if the love is genuinly felt on both sides, we talked alot and I truly thought she could see the error of her ways, and was going to change we lived apart whilst I saved some money. Christmas Day 2010 I found myself drunk and alone, sitting on my bed in my flat after a big argument and break up with my girlfriend, her parting shot was that I would die a very lonely old man, that remark really stuck in my guts, but it has since inspired me to be the best that I can be, I thought to myself I cannot carry on like this things must change.

Through my drunken mind my native American spirit guide Red Cloud, managed to tell me not to forget that I am a healer and medium, and that I should get back to being what I truly am and serve spirit, everything else had failed especially in my relationships, and working long hours as a security officer on a zero hour contract, things definitely needed to change, the thought of going back into spiritual service was a real light bulb moment for me, I had often foolishly raged at people for not seeing me as I am, and had been when in truth they could only see what I had become, the truth being I was now a total mess, I remembered the feeling I got when spirit uplifted someone through my mediumship, the travel and some of the lovely and deeply spiritual people I had met along the way, the friendships that I had made and the respect that myself and my spirit team had earned.

In that moment spirit had become my lighthouse, I was a ship on a mental and spiritual stormy sea trying to navigate my way home, mainly due to my anger with myself and the narcissistic relationships I had been in, and the lies that had been told, Red Cloud again came to me and said you need to practice what you preach and find yourself again, if you wish to improve your life and serve us again, I reminded myself that the spiritual path is a way of life,  a way of life that nurtures not only ourselves but all we come into contact with, and at the time I very much needed a path to follow and a different way of life to what I had been living.

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My Native American Spirit Guide Red Cloud

The next day boxing Day 2010 hungover I had to pull myself together quickly, as I was working a 12 hour security day shift at Fujitsu in Bracknell, I was very upset over my relationship break up, and was foolishly missing her over a period of time I began to realise, that my ex girlfriend had given me my life back which is a sacred gift, I now had the power to create the kind of life I wanted and needed to live, this compensated for the fact that she needed my paycheque more than she ever needed me, another realisation that was painful but taught me a great lesson, that there are people out there who will feign love, to meet there material needs it still amazes me that people can stoop that low, love speaks and is understood in actions not just words, from that day on I started to pull my mental and spiritual act together, by inwardly and outwardly practising what I preach, I started to pray for the first time in years, and send out absent healing.

In early January 2011 I felt very drawn to go to Slough Spiritualist Church, so I went along to the clairvoyance evening they have there on a Wednesday night, as it made sense as I was now beginning to walk a spiritual pathway again, to go back to where my spiritual pathway had begun,  I received a warm welcome picked up my song book and found myself a seat, I really felt like the prodigal son going back there, I wondered how the people I knew at Slough back in the day, would think of me seeing the mess I had become, the realisation of this saddened me but I only had myself to blame for what I had become, as I sat there I realised it was 28 years near enough to the day, that I first served Slough Spiritualist Church as a medium, and it made me wonder where I would be spiritually, if I had not walked away from the spiritual path.The medium that evening was Nigel Townsend and it was good to see that he had a strong connection with spirit, and he was giving some very good evidential and uplifting messages from spirit, he came to me telling me my nan and granddad were with me, this was odd as nan and granddad had never come together before, they had always given me messages separately and never had come together, “I’m in for a rollocking I thought” Nigel described my grandparents to me and then gave me the message from them, describing my mental and spiritual state and the ups and downs I had been going through, Nigel shook his head and said to me ” I don’t know why your grandparents are calling you this, but they are calling you the ghost whisperer and laughing” and they are telling you to leave the past in the past and carry on, I knew exactly what my grandparents had meant by calling me the ghost whisperer, I chuckled to myself and thought little do you know Nigel, but my nan and granddads words gave me great encouragement, to follow my spiritual pathway, I was very humbled that spirit were calling me back to service, and I was determined to become the best possible healer and medium I could become.

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Spiritual Medium Nigel Townsend at Slough Spiritualist Church

FB_IMG_1526452389110 Although my break up with my girlfriend was percieved by myself as a very negative time, I was very lonely I was used to people being around when I got home, and yes I missed the company of a woman, and tried online dating to get back in the saddle, my facebook friends told me it was way to soon to be looking for a new relationship, and they were right as I was mentally and emotionally not ready for a new relationship, I realised I would have to let go of the past, with all its trials and hurt, and love myself for who I am if I was to move forward and to be prepared for what life has to offer,  I was actually taking the first steps of a journey of transformation, that would lead to self discovery and the greatest lesson ever to live and speak my truth through an open heart.

I became friends with a beautiful soul and very gifted lady, Jane Lorraine Goodman who works and serves with Angels and spirit, who I believe was sent by the Angels to help me to see the errors of my ways, and to help me to focus and prepare myself for the new pathway, the Angels were opening up for me and I had to change my ways, as I was still drinking and smoking way to much, my drinking was reinforcing my negativity and keeping me in a dark place, lowering my vibration and smoking was clogging my etheric field, drinking heavily and smoking were making it very difficult for Angels and spirit to communicate with me, I remember one  evening Jane came to visit me, I was drunk and babbling on about my love for Shakespeare, and that I would love to take her to a Shakespeare play, as Jane stomped out of my door she said to me “you wont be able to take me anywhere you will be to drunk” I shouted back to her “I will show you”, I know Jane felt at the time that I was not listening to her, but believe me I was listening to every word she said, by talking to Jane it was helping  me to grieve over and understand the past, and a good injection of common sense from Jane which I very much needed, it was also good to be able to talk a fellow medium, who would understand where I was coming from, Jane text me not long after she walked out of my flat, to tell me she was backing away from me as she felt she was becoming a crutch for me, this I understood and the best thing she could have done at the time, as I very much needed to stand on my own two feet mentally and emotionally, it felt strange even lonely not having Jane around to talk to, I remembered my words to show her that I could change and make something of myself, and become what I am meant to be Jane always told me I have a beautiful heart, so I set about healing my heart living and speaking my truth through my heart, also becoming the kind and compassionate being that I am, cutting back on alcohol and cigarettes helped very much in this process not only my physical, mental, and spiritual, health I was also gaining a stronger and much clearer connection to Angels and spirit, a year went by and I bought two tickets to see A Midsummer Nights Dream, at Regents Park Open Air Theatre in London, I phoned Jane and invited her to come and see A Midsummer Nights Dream with me, I was very happy that she accepted my invitation, as we sat there in the theatre awaiting the play to start I turned to her and said “I told you I would take you to see a shakespeare play” she laughed and she said so you were listening, it was a wonderful performance myself and Jane had a lovely evening, we remain friends to this day I will forever be indebted to Jane, for helping me and guiding me on my path, Jane will forever be my Angel Lady.

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The Lovely Jane Lorraine Goodman My Angel Lady

from my talks with Jane I was very conscious that I should not be making the same mistakes again, especially where women were concerned and not getting myself into another narcissistic relationship, it meant not repeating my old behaviours in other words, seeking sex and not thinking of the consequences of sex, and being lured into a relationship by where I would fulfill one need or another, when the need had been fulfilled whether it be protection or money I was cast aside when someone better came along or I had run out of money,  which made me very angry and bitter, I had to let go of all past hurts and let go of the misconceptions of myself I had built up over the years, I was no longer the peoples medium of yesteryear, In fact my awareness to spirit had dropped significantly, although still doing a few services a year, the standard of my mediumship had dropped to a unacceptable level, so I had to go back to being myself I am naturally a big softy, and whatever anyone says about mediumship, the foremost upmost important thing is love and compassion within the heart, without it we cannot attune properly to spirit  as they vibrate on pure unconditional love, or be of service to spirit for all so I had to let go of all the geezer hard man bullshit, of some of my less than savoury work on the door or frontline security.

 

FB_IMG_1529737352478 I had asked God Angels and Guides to guide me to my purpose, and to help me live my purpose, I realised that everything I didn’t need was stripped or being stripped away from me, the angels were testing me presenting me with conditions, to see how I would react to them, to see if I would react with anger, or mix with the type of people I had mixed with before,  and repeat old behaviours would I continue drinking, in other words was I letting go of the past, and behaviours in heart and mind that did not serve my greater good, once I realised I was being tested it helped me to focus on my greater good, to become what I am truly meant to be and made the process of letting go of all past hurts so much easier, to be honest I cannot blame the divine being for testing me as so much, was being invested in me for future service, if their  is one thing that I have learned over the past eight years, is that life is a state of heart and mind, their is a teaching that everything comes when it is the right time, little do we realise that we have to be right in heart and mind, before anything can come of benefit to our greater good, or the lessons will keep coming to guide us to our greater good, so I say to all be true to yourselves and life, fill your hearts with love and compassion let go of the anger and bitterness of the past, spiritual development is not an easy pathway to walk and it is certainly not for the weak in heart and mind, although we all have the potential to become more enlightened and happier. 

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The last few years have been a great journey of self discovery, and spiritual development for me, and there have been so many blessings along the way, in service and in friendships old and new, and I can see and have been told by fellow mediums, how spirit engineered getting me out of a toxic way of life, and back onto the spiritual pathway of service and development, fast forwarding to today in 2018 whilst I am not doing the 100+ services a year, I once did and hoped to do again my service to spirit and mediumship has changed, people now come to me for spiritual guidance and healing, I teach spiritual development and still do some platform demonstrations, give private readings and are doing more transfiguration and trance demonstrations, I also started this blog because people wanted to know how I lost weight, and through this blog I share my journey and spiritual teaching, along with all this I have realised that I need to give spirit more time to work through me, my work as a security officer had to go as it took up way to much of my time, I have secured a job working 37.5 hours a week which is as good as semi retirement for me, and it gives me and spirit the time to work together. 

 I believe change however perceived, positive or negative is an opportunity to grow, today 11/05/18 I gave my letting agent notice to end my tenancy on my flat, as I am moving away from Slough, to live and share life with my soulmate Veronica, as soon as I sent the email I felt a sense of loss and letting go, over the past 8 years living here at my flat I realised my flat had become my chrysalis, from broken man to emerging from my chrysalis a transformed man, for me, where I have conquered my demons regained my self worth, found peace in my heart and life, beaten diabetes 2 and maintaining healthy weight loss, and growing spiritually, 23/06/18 I am now living with my lovely girlfriend Veronica, I am also training for my PVC licence with a bus company life is good.

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Stephen Rowlands 23/06/18

 

 

 

 

 

      

  

Homesick Heart

The journey of the soul is seeking out a place where the heart can call home, if such a place exists in this myriad of possibilities, expectations always fall short of what truly manifests in the meditation of life, memories reflect back like the broken shards of a mirror, strewn on the floor of the mind, the homesick heart knows there is no way back, for the heart is the wanderer, the loner bound in time journeying towards the inevitable fate, as all fades away in our world of matter and time.

Within our mortal existence we accept change as we grow old, because we are mortal it is all we can perceive, but the heart is the inner child timeless and eternal, time is of no importance to the homesick heart, only to be where the heart belongs.

Stephen Rowlands 25/03/18  

Reaching Out

 Back in the year 1985 I was preparing to do a demonstration, at Guildford Spiritualist Church, it was a Sunday service so a inspired address, from my spirit guides was a part of the service, my guides had not given me any idea, on what they would like to inspire me to say, but we usually waited until a inspirational paragraph, from a book or a passage from the Bible had been read, then my guides would let me know what to say from the reading, as the reading would become the subject of the address, the vice president of the church at the time, a lady called Vanda sat opposite me, with a book on her lap entitled reaching out, on seeing this my guide a mandarin drew in close to me, inspiring  me with the words to say do we not all reach out for something.

We all reach out for the love of another, we all reach out to be understood by others, we all reach out for kindness compassion and strength from others, we all reach out to others to help us to be successful  in life, but few reach within to the spirit, where love, understanding strength, kindness, compassion, our drive for success are in abundance, we always look outwards for what we need in life, and it is the cause of a lot emotional pain, when we have the expectation for our emotional and material needs to be fulfilled from external sources, when everything we need for a wholesome life, in a material world are within.

It is a simple truth that all the answers we need are within us, many scoff at this simple truth, and prefer to seek answers from outside of themselves,  all we get from that is another persons experience, other than our own that maybe right or wrong for us, and can lead to further personal disasters and torment, looking within to seek the answers we need, means we are connecting with our own truth, and once the answers are found, we can action them and live by our own truth, but first we must put aside all external influences in life, breathe and be silently listening out for the inner voice, that tells us how we truly feel and the best way forward for us in life, the world and the universe is governed by freewill, it is the freewill of everything that effects everything in our lives.

Many feel useless to have any control over there lives, because they feel the freewill of everything controls them, and they could not be more wrong because it is us that dictates our life from within, to surrender the power of our own personal truth is a great betrayal of ourselves, to the control of everything, we are living life the way everything wants us to be, we must connect to the spirit within, seek out our own personal truth and live by it, and not be afraid of how others will perceive us, as long as the way we live life does no harm to others, why cannot we live by our own truth, as spirit we are love, kindness, tolerance, compassion, that is the beauty of who we truly are, so we must reach out with love, kindness, tolerance, and compassion, for ourselves and all others, this is the way and truth  of spirit.

Stephen Rowlands 15/02/18

 

 

Humility

In my weakness I embraced humility and it became my greatest strength, and in my strength I found my truth,  a child of creation born from the stars,  as all are creation, no greater than the sky no lower than the dirt,  gifted and flawed acceptance of myself and others is my virtue, and by the grace of creation go I, on mother earth I stand reaching out to the sky and stars above, balance in heart and mind, with  humility as my guide.