Coffee brewed sitting at my laptop it is 04.06am, on this day of fools first of April 2018, in this early morning of a night of no sleep, using the opportunity of this quiet time to sit contemplate and write, destiny and fate the two big questions in life that I have often dismissed with freewill, yes freewill is choice and through choice we engineer our lives, my life is going through some big changes right now, yes I am making my choices but somehow I feel it is all guided, which makes me feel very blessed I live within the realisation, that spirit can see the big picture that we cannot possibly see, from our limited perception of time and space, do spirit extrapolate possible outcomes from our choices, and gently guide us to the best possible outcome, I do not know but what I do know is that spirit gently guide us through heart and mind.
For spirit guidance to be successful our hearts and minds must be flowing with the natural flow of life, not with everyone else’s natural flow but our own, this is why we should truly seek who and what we are meant to be, not from the external world but from heart and mind, with spiritualism I had found my niche in life, and serving spirit gave me an identity and a completeness, I had found my true self but mistakenly I wanted to be like everyone else, because I felt alone being different and in the public eye, is a very lonely place so off I went in search of a “normal” life, and to be honest failed miserably by being what I am not, over the coming years my spiritual service faded to virtually nothing, just a few services a year and the odd friend or stranger that my spiritual awareness could be of use to, until Christmas Day 2010 I found myself drunk and alone, sitting on my bed in my flat after a big argument and break up with my then girlfriend, her parting shot was that I would die a very lonely old man, that remark really stuck in my guts, but it has since inspired me to be the best that I can be, I thought to myself I cannot carry on like this things must change.
Through my drunken mind my native American spirit guide Red Cloud, managed to tell me not to forget that I am a healer and medium, and that I should get back to being what I truly am and serve spirit, everything else had failed especially in my relationships, and working long hours as a security officer on a zero hour contract, things definitely needed to change, the thought of going back into spiritual service was a real light bulb moment for me, I had often foolishly raged at people for not seeing me as I am, and had been when in truth they could only see what I had become, the truth being I was now a total mess, I remembered the feeling I got when spirit uplifted someone through my mediumship, the travel and some of the lovely and deeply spiritual people I had met along the way, the friendships that I had made and the respect that myself and my spirit team had earned.
In that moment spirit had become my lighthouse, I was the ship on a mental and spiritual stormy sea trying to navigate my way home, mainly due to my anger with myself and the narcissistic relationships I had been in, and the lies that had been told, Red Cloud again came to me and said you need to practice what you preach and find yourself again, if you wish to improve your life and serve us again, I reminded myself that the spiritual path is a way of life, a way of life that nurtures not only ourselves but all we come into contact with, and at the time I very much needed a path to follow and a different way of life to what I had been living.
My Native American Spirit Guide Red Cloud
The next day boxing Day 2010 hungover I had to pull myself together quickly, as I was working a 12 hour security day shift at Fujitsu in Bracknell, I was very upset over my relationship break up, and was foolishly missing her over a period of time I began to realise, that my ex girlfriend had given me my life back which is a sacred gift, I now had the power to create the kind of life I wanted and needed to live, this compensated for the fact that she needed my paycheck more than she ever needed me, another realisation that was painful but taught me a great lesson, that there are people out there who will feign love, to meet there material needs it still amazes me that people can stoop that low, love speaks and is understood in actions not just words, from that day on I started to pull my mental and spiritual act together, by inwardly and outwardly practising what I preach, I started to pray for the first time in years, and send out absent healing.
In early January 2011 I felt very drawn to go to Slough Spiritualist Church, so I went along to the clairvoyance evening they have there on a Wednesday night, as it made sense as I was now beginning to walk a spiritual pathway again, to go back to where my spiritual pathway had begun, I received a warm welcome picked up my song book and found myself a seat, I really felt like the prodigal son going back there, but wondered how the people I knew at Slough back in the day, would think of me seeing the mess I had become, the realisation of this saddened me but I only had myself to blame for what I had become, as I sat there I realised it was 28 years near enough to the day, that I first served Slough Spiritualist Church as a medium, and it made me wonder where I would be spiritually, if I had not walked away from the spiritual path.The medium that evening was Nigel Townsend and it was good to see that he had a strong connection with spirit, and he was giving some very good evidential and uplifting messages from spirit, he came to me telling me my nan and granddad were with me, this was odd as nan and granddad had never come together before, they had always given me messages separately and never had come together, “I’m in for a rollocking I thought” Nigel described my grandparents to me and then gave me the message from them, describing my mental and spiritual state and the ups and downs I had been going through, Nigel shook his head and said to me ” I don’t know why your grandparents are calling you this, but they are calling you the ghost whisperer and laughing” and they are telling you to leave the past in the past and carry on, I knew exactly what my grandparents had meant by calling me the ghost whisperer, I chuckled to myself and thought little do you know Nigel, but my nan and granddads words gave me great encouragement, to follow my spiritual pathway, I was very humbled that spirit were calling me back to service, and I was determined to become the best possible healer and medium I could become.
The last few years have been a great journey of self discovery, and spiritual development for me, and there have been so many blessings along the way, in service and in friendships old and new, and I can see and have been told by fellow mediums, how spirit engineered getting me out of a toxic way of life, and back onto the spiritual pathway of service and development, fast forwarding to today in 2018 whilst I am not doing the 100+ services a year, I once did and hoped to do again my service to spirit and mediumship has changed, people now come to me for spiritual guidance and healing, I teach spiritual development and still do some platform demonstrations, give private readings and are doing more transfiguration and trance demonstrations, I also started this blog because people wanted to know how I lost weight, and through this blog I share my journey and spiritual teaching, along with all this I have realised that I need to give spirit more time to work through me, my work as a security officer had to go as it took up way to much of my time, I have secured a job working 37.5 hours a week which is as good as semi retirement for me, and it gives me and spirit the time to work together, but alas the salary is not as expected so I am looking for a new position.
I now know the reason I am here on this planet is to serve spirit, also to learn how to love and be loved, in July 2017 I met a wonderful lady called Veronica, she is now my lady and she walks beside me in this life, she has proved her love for me in her actions as well as her words, she is a real blessing to me and I hope my actions prove my love for her, we fully intend to blend our lives together, we often say to each other wish we had met years ago, but we had to have our journey of life to be right for each other in 2017, I am guided by spirit and I trust in spirit, as they can see the big picture and I shall walk the journey to it with love.
Stephen Rowlands 02/04/18