Returning home weary, after a long week at work, negative emotion gnawing at my guts, anger turbulent within my mind, like the most violent lightening storm. I remind myself I am at home now, and that I am so blessed to have a home, on this cold wet and windy night.
My flat warm and cosy as can be, I change into my comfies, so good to be home, away from the corperate ego driven bullshit, that pays my bills, my home is my sanctuary, where I can breathe and be me.
Lying on my bed, candlelight illuminating the colours of my flat, looking at the pictures on my wall, telling the story of my past and present, a feeling of amazement washes over me. Wow this is my life, for the past 7 years, pictorial memories of holidays family and friends, my spiritual pathway, looking at me from my wall.
The summer day of my higher self, now calming my storm, reminding me it is not good to dwell, in self created negative of ego, the mind should always seek, the truth in heart, now I am glad I took the pictures on my wall, showing me where I have been, and where to go with blessings, thankyou pictures on my wall.
For many years I could never understand why people, would be so sad for the loss of their loved ones in spirit, their grieving causing them so much emotional pain, and sadness years after their beloved ones, had passed over the veil into spirit. The people I speak of are spiritualists, I stood beneath the spiritualist banner there is no death, and I wrongly felt that the knowledge of the truth there is no death, would be comforting enough for the pain and sadness of grieving, to cease but because I had not suffered the loss of a loved one, I did not understand the emotional kaleidoscope of grieving, even when people were getting messages via a medium, from there loved ones in spirit the pain and sadness still remained with them.
Whilst in spiritual development circle, an oriental spirit guide known to us as Li, came through his channel Ian Watts in trance, as he often did to give us some teaching of universal life in spirit. In his talk he was saying that we should not mourn our loved ones in spirit, as it is only the physical loss of our loved ones that we grieve for, and this to him grieving for our loved ones was selfish of us to do, he accepted that when we first lose a loved one there should be a period of mourning for the physical loss of the loved one, he went on to say that our loved ones are now in a realm of light, and are living within the divine energy of universal and unconditional love. We should be happy for them and allow them to continue, there journey in spirit as they are truly now spirit, and we should love them as spirit beings, and not selfishly mourn their physical loss, over a long period of time.
I held onto Li’s teaching for years believing it was selfish to grieve, for the physical loss of our loved ones, although I never spoke of this teaching as I believed, it would cause more hurt to those who had lost loved ones, it is my role as a medium to bring upliftment to others through spiritual teachings, but looking at Li’s teaching from a spirit perspective, his teaching is correct and I believe that this teaching, should be given totally from a spirit perspective, to those who are emotionally ready to receive it. As I have often thought we never see things from spirits side of life, and how it effects them in their interactions with us on earth, and in doing so this makes us the selfish ones.
Sadly my Dad passed over the veil into spirit 14/10/15, although his passing was expected as he was very ill, I stood by his bedside with my mother at Wexham Park Hospital, the doctor had just pronounced him physically dead, I held his hand and his voice loudly spoke to me in my head in his voice, “LOOK AFTER YOUR MOTHER” which was totally my Dad as he worships the ground my Mum walks on, my brother arrived and we said our farewells to my Dad, we went back to my mothers I was stunned it was as if time had stood still, but life was going on as everybody and everything was going about their daily business, I raised a glass of whiskey and ice Dads favourite drink to say cheers thanks for everything to him, Dads funeral was arranged for 03/11/15, to give friends from overseas a chance to assemble for his funeral, I took Mum to see Dad in the funeral home, as I stood over Dad in his coffin there was the real sickening energy of physical death, permeating deep into my gut, a feeling that stayed with me for a very long time, my mother said it is so cold in here Elwyn doesn’t like the cold, as she touched his cheek I said Mum he is not here this is just his shell, I took my mother home and prepared Dads Eulogy, as I was nominated to give it, as I was used to talking in front of people, my family sees that I have my uses.
The week after my fathers passing to spirit, I had three demonstrations of mediumship to do, I debated with myself whether I should do them or not, as I was an emotional and mental wreck functioning only to be strong for family, and cope with the rigours of my job, I made the decision to cancel my platform bookings, I knew the churches would understand. Queen was my dads favourite band, I got into the shuttle bus to go pick up staff, I switched on the radio The Show Must Go On by Queen, came blasting out of the radio this could only have been my Dad, as he was a very selfless man, and wanted his children to live life to the full, you may scoff but I know this is the truth.
I have often thought that the belief that our loved ones in spirit, leave a penny when they are near to be a fairytale, a few weeks after my Dads passing to spirit, I called out to my Dad, come on Dad if you are near give me a sign. I proceeded to hoover my flat, I had hoovered every square inch of my flat, as I was putting the hoover away, I looked down and there was a shiny penny looking up at me from the floor. How could I have missed that my flat is tiny, I couldn’t have missed it, no its just a fairytale, in the morning I walked down the bottom of the stairs, opened the door to go to work, and there was a shiny penny looking up at me from the paving slab, now I believe spirit leaving pennies as signs to be true.
My dad makes his presence felt most days I speak to him every morning, but I still miss him wish he was still here to talk to and share a joke with, and yes Li that makes me selfish, I live in the physical world where we need our loved ones near, we need their physical presence, as much as it is wonderful to receive a message from our loved ones in spirit, nothing can take away our need to have them physically with us. As a medium I have given the messages and watched the tears flow, there is nothing I can do to dry those tears, the spiritualist message of there is no death, has failed, but with compassion and spiritual teaching we can comfort and uplift.
God within me God without, how shall I ever be in Doubt. I am the sower and the sown, God’s self unfolding own.
As a Christian Spiritualist, Jesus is the one true example of all I know to be the truth. He was a soul living an earthly life through a physical body, and a material world. He was fully aware of his soul connection to the source, that we have named God. He was also a medium and healer, and when he died his spirit left his body and went into spirit, so what makes Jesus so different to me, or any of us, I believe it is now the time to really change our perception of ourselves. As I have long realised he was the personification of us all, his message was very simple I am you. And we can all develop the same love, compassion, kindness, as Jesus by knowing he came to show the human race who we truly are.
We are souls living and learning through a human experience, this is what I believe he was teaching us, when he said, “I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me” Jesus is an ascended master do we really think that he wanted to be worshipped, with worship it focusses all the goodness and divinity onto him, and makes us blind to our own goodness and divinity, and to his teachings, distracting us from developing his teachings from within, making us the hopeless sinners we are led to believe we are by organised religion. I feel strongly to say he wanted us to listen to him, and learn from him, about the truth of our existence here on mother earth, and to our soul connection to what we have named God, and for his teachings to be passed down through the ages. By doing this the consciousness and vibration of the human race, would have been raised to a much higher level, collectively and individually, this I believe was the purpose of Jesus being here on earth, he was actually trying to save us from ourselves, but through religion we have totally missed the point of the teaching and lessons. Religion is great for souls to come together, to share support and grow together, but sadly it has been corrupted by mans need for power and control.
Jesus had his troubles and temptations here in his short earthy life as we do, yet throughout his life he taught and guided us, how to deal with our problems, this is Jesus man and teacher, he dealt with his problems with love and intuition, at times he did not have the answers so he prayed, he asked for guidance and direction, as we do when we are lost, he was tempted by the devil out in the desert, for strength to resist temptation he prayed, and in doing so he was attuning himself, to the source of his being that we have named God, and in doing so attuning himself to his higher self, in his life story the source was identified as his father, I know the source to be the father and mother of us all depending on your perspective of the source. I really feel strongly to say it is wrong to believe, that Jesus was the son of God, in fact he was our brother, teaching us of our connection to the source throughout his life, to believe Jesus was the son of God, makes him some kind of supernatural being, within our human biological mindset.
When in truth Jesus was exactly the same as us, mind, body, spirit, soul, living an earthly existence to experience, learn, give, and grow. To look on Jesus as a supernatural being, is now very old hat and wrong we have to remember that Jesus, was communicating to people 2000 years ago , so the source through him was communicating to the level of understanding at the time, we now live in a time of science and technology, its about time our understanding of life and spirituality, moved along with the times, but man made religion likes to keep us in our place, so we remain its servants via a man made supernatural being, and making us feel incapable of attaining, what Jesus taught us what is naturally within us.
When Jesus spoke of his fathers house I strongly believe, he was talking of what we believe is heaven, or as I believe the spirit world, the many mansions he spoke of, to me are the many many levels of spirit within the spirit world, nobody knows how many levels there are, as there are many lives and existences we know nothing about, it is a massive universe we live in. Jesus said he would prepare a place for us, I really do not believe Jesus meant as religion tells us, that we have to believe in him or the man made religion that adopted him, to gain a place with him in heaven or the spirit world, the place he would be preparing for us would be defined by, the life we led here on earth by our thoughts and actions, as to the kind of room that would be prepared for us. My house has many mansions means to me, that there is room for all, our thoughts and actions here on earth dictate, whether we land up living eternally in a palace, or a slum, a nice maisonette, a council estate, or suburbia. Our level of spirit is dictated by our soul progression, again by our thoughts and actions here on earth, we can as souls go up and down the levels of spirit, depending on our thoughts and actions, the choice is ours Jesus was guiding us to choose love, kindness, and compassion, over hatred, anger, selfishness , ignorance. We all have the universal gift of freewill, so we should make our choices wisely, freewill is the engine of spirit and soul development, let us make the template for our lives the teachings of Jesus, and all the other ascended masters, because they all brought the same message to us, the truth has one source but many different teachers, depending on our level of understanding.
Jesus life was teaching us the universal way of life, but in doing so he upset the religion of the time, because he was teaching us that we are responsible for our lives, and how we live it and not as a servant to man made religion, and in doing so taking away the power that religion had over the people. He upset the local government which were the romans at that time, by the amount of people that were following Jesus teachings, they feared civil unrest with the possibility of being overthrown,
At this time we see Jesus the man, living life by his freewill and choices, because his teachings were love, I honestly do not believe he realised how much upset, he was causing, he was upsetting religion and government, the two most powerful factions of the time and still are to this day. On his crucifixion Jesus said “father forgive them for they know not what they do” but they knew exactly what they were doing, they were getting rid of a trouble maker, because of the collective ego, they did not want to lose there power, they chose that over change and progression, to a better way of life, yes they were driven by greed. I do not believe Jesus wanted to die that day, as he prayed and asked his father for help to live, religion tells us that Jesus died to save us from sin, again making him supernatural but it was the sin of greed that killed him. We have to take the teachings of universal and unconditional love within, make them our living and speaking truth through the heart, then Jesus death would not have been in vain, whether you believe Jesus existed or not, its a great story that can heal guide and uplift us.
Over the years I have asked many people if they meditate, because I feel it could help them, or spirit feels it would help them to meditate, mostly I get the same answer. Its to difficult, my mind wanders , I have to much on my mind to meditate, I have not got the time to meditate. So I have decided to write this blog, to outline a simple way to meditate.
Meditation is a great way to relax and focus our minds, to find answers to questions, or to calm turbulent thoughts and emotions. The first thing I was taught about meditation, is you cannot have imagination without an image, so meditation is simply day dreaming. And that is something we all do, but unlike day dreaming where our minds create the mental images we would like, such as winning the lottery, or getting a date with a film or pop star, being with someone we miss, or our penchant for looking back into the past, and the many what ifs that arise from mentally living in the past, our minds create the mental images of the most satisfying possibilities.
Meditation is in fact focussed day dreaming, whereby we mentally get the image we want, within our minds eye and allow everything else to take place without our input. A good starting meditation is to imagine yourself sitting alone on a beach, on a warm sunny day mentally put yourself on the beach, focus on smelling the sea air, hearing the waves lapping on the shore, watching seagulls flying above the waves, what other sights, sounds, and senses are you aware of. We only need to meditate for a few minutes to get the benefit of it.
Being perfect at meditation is not the point of meditation, levitating our minds to a more peaceful, higher level of awareness is the aim of meditation. We are exercising mental muscles we don’t often use. But like any exercise, the more we do it the better we get at it, if we are distracted by other thoughts. Like work, or what to have for dinner, financial and emotional worries, discard those thoughts let them pass and get back to your beach the more frequently you meditate, I suggest 2 or 3 times a week, distractions will become less and less.
A simple exercise I use to prepare for meditation, to help focus my thoughts, is what is known as stepping into the moment, this is what I find best do, and works for me.
1, Find a comfy chair make yourself comfortable
2, Shut your eyes and inhale through your nose, and gently exhale from your mouth, this helps relax our muscles and stimulates our minds, to a slightly higher state of awareness, to prepare for meditation.
3, Realise it is only us that makes the noise with our thoughts and feelings, sit quietly and realise that you have peace and tranquility all around you. It is only us that makes the noise so put your thoughts and feelings to one side, it does not matter if a bomb is falling on your house, step into the peace and tranquility of the moment. This can also be difficult to achieve, but the more we practice meditation we will find it easier to be in the moment.
4, Once in the moment or your feeling more relaxed, remember to discard any day to day thoughts, worries. anxieties, aches and pains. Not easy to do but practice makes perfect, I have been meditating for years, and still get distracted but don’t be disheartened, just get back to the image you started with.
Now your ready to visualise where you want to be, it can be anywhere but make sure it is a positive image, like sitting on a beach, or walking down a path in the forest, focus on what you can see. hear, sense, smell, within your image dont tamper with it let it play like a movie.
Meditation teaches us and helps us to discover our trueselves, other than what we have conditioned ourselves to become. Helping us to become a better version of ourselves, so honesty with ourselves is a priceless tool in meditation.
If you the reader meditates using the above suggestions, if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact me Email- firstname.lastname@example.org I will be happy to discuss the above steps with you.
There are also many guided meditations you can buy online, I hope this blog has helped. Stephen
Christian Spiritualism had opened its doors to me, and it was lovely to feel accepted, not strange or different. it was normal to see and sense not weird, I started to go to church, twice a week on a Wednesday and Sunday, as I was embracing this whole new world that was opening up to me. Seeing mediums pass messages to loved ones who were present, seeing the comfort, help, and upliftment, the messages were giving, to the people who were receiving them, I thought to myself I would like to be able to do that.
I had a inner feeling that I could possibly one day, progress into being a platform medium, serving Spirit and giving people upliftment, through the teachings and messages of Spirit. I was seeking something I could excel in, where I could make my parents proud of me, although I was only 18 years old, I had not been much of a success at anything, I left school with a grade 5 cse English the school only gave me that certificate, so I did not leave school without any qualifications at all, I had no interest in school, and I must also admit to being very lazy. My laziness continued into working life in and out of jobs, and being constantly reminded by parents and family what a failure I was, I was seeking my niche in life where I could excel.
Spiritualism was providing me that niche, as I had a growing hunger for knowledge, of all spiritualism could teach me, back in 1978 the teachings of Spirit, were very much taught as a way of life, it was ok to make a mistake as long as you learned from that mistake, I was learning that this earth plane, that we all live on and share, is one big learning ground a school for the soul. I was learning about the levels of spirit, and that we as souls bring to this earth plane, many different levels of understanding. The reasoning for why we have so much conflict on our earth plane, from disagreements with family and friends to world war, from the liars, cheaters, the greedy for money and power, people who exert there will through violence. To those people who are peaceful, selfless, and loving. And all the levels of understanding between love and hate, it is here on this earth plane, that we come here to learn how to love unconditionally, love is a massive spectrum of emotion, from divine unconditional/universal love, at the top of the spectrum. To hatred greed anger jealousy at the bottom of the spectrum, and that our souls vibrate at varying levels of this spectrum, through our emotions and level of understanding. It was up to us who were aware, and walking a spiritual pathway, to have compassion, for those of a lesser understanding, and at times forgiveness for those of a lower level of understanding, and to live and speak our truth, with love and compassion. To sow the seeds of learning, for those souls of a lower understanding, the teachings of Spirit, are love kindness and compassion tolerance forgiveness, and that we who walk a spiritual pathway, are in service to everyone and everything.
The first thing I ever read in Slough Christian Spiritualist Church, was BE HUMBLE IN SERVICE, that one statement has been my guide throughout my spiritual service.
Over the next 3 months, mediums were telling me from the platform, I could develop into being a spiritual healer and medium, although I was seen as to young to become a medium, my Spirit Guides wished to use me as a powerhouse, this meant providing spiritual power, for the spiritual healer and his or her Spirit Guides. A power booster is the best way to describe it, I was invited by Brian North, to join him in the healing sanctuary to be the powerhouse, for him and his healing guides, this was a real step forward for me, and I was very excited about it. I was finally meeting spirit on a level playing field, to be able to embrace spirit, and to find out why they wanted to be around me, and make themselves known to me. The healing sanctuary has a blue light one end of the room, and a red light the other, I had already learned that blue was the main healing colour, I asked Brian why the red and blue lights, he replied it is easier to see spirit in this light, there was a table by the wall in the middle of the room, with religious icons on it and pictures of native American healing guides, and two chairs opposite each other in the middle of the room.
A lady entered the healing sanctuary, and sat down ready to receive healing, Brian asked me to sit in the other chair, and to imagine the lady in the chair with a blue light all around her, and to send my love to her in thought, Brian said a opening prayer invoking inviting spirit to come forward, and channel healing energy through him, the atmosphere within the sanctuary changed, it started to feel a bit warmer, it also felt like other people had entered the healing sanctuary, although I could not see them I could feel them beside me, and moving around the room moving around Brian. there was this growing energy within the sanctuary, a beautiful indescribable feeling of unconditional love, Brian’s breathing got a bit deeper and he put his hands over the ladies shoulders, as I shut my eyes I could feel my hands getting warmer and warmer, heat generating from the middle of my palms. this continued for approx. 20-30 minutes, although in that environment you do lose all track and sense of time, Brian then asked the lady if she felt ok she replied that she felt good, and also that she could feel another pair of hands moving over her, and that she felt much better. That was my first experience of giving spiritual healing, and I loved it and wanted to do it more and more. As time went on and the more I sat, in the healing sanctuary working as a powerhouse, for Brian and his healing guides, I was being mentally drawn to where peoples pain and illness was, on a physical level and I would tell people where they were hurting, although diagnosis is very frowned upon today, it was a perfectly normal thing to do back in 1978, and I agree we are not doctors so we shouldn’t be giving diagnosis, this was also the start of my third eye and mediumship awareness opening up.
I was also introduced to and encouraged to do absent healing, the easiest way to describe absent healing is prayer, when we break prayer down it is in actual fact thought, I was being taught that thought is energy and the most powerful thing within the universe, if we infuse our thoughts with love and send those thoughts to people, the energy of our loving thoughts can help them to heal, and asking God and healing guides, to give the healing that was necessary, so I started to give absent healing every Friday night from my bedroom at home, there was a lady at church called Sue, who I had become friendly with she suffered with a bad back, that at times would incapacitate her. I started to send her absent healing as time went by, within my minds eye I could see a bedroom, with a Victorian type bed in it my view was from the head end, and I could see a dressing gown hanging on the rail of the foot end of the bed, also a dressing table with a oval mirror opposite against the wall. After a few months of sending Sue absent healing, she asked me at church did I send my absent healing out on a Friday night, I confirmed to her that I did and that I could see a bedroom, within my minds eye Sue asked me to describe the bedroom, I did and she said that’s my bedroom. I was very astounded and amazed by her comment it was a real shock, but a nice shock if you know what I mean, Sue went on to say she could see my face to her right, as she lay in bed on a Friday night and this was the view I was getting of her bedroom. I did not realise or know that at the time, I was actually astral projecting myself mentally through my healing thoughts, this was a new development for me, and I did not realise that I was really opening up to spirit.
Sat in church one sunny warm Sunday evening, on the platform that evening was the trance medium Berenice Watts. who gave the address and messages in trance, with her spirit guides and loved ones, communicating through her. I was very drawn to Berenice and had a strong feeling a knowing, that spiritually she would teach me, little did I know at that point what a major part, Berenice would play in my spiritual development.
I was invited into Marjorie and Don Jacksons spiritual development circle, in Iver this excited me as I was being told by mediums, that I could develop mediumship and by others, that I was to young at 19 years old, to develop mediumship and that I was not gifted at all, this was a challenge to me as I really needed to excel in something, developing my spiritual awareness is something I really wanted to do, and to prove the doubters wrong. Don and Marjorie’s circle was held every Friday night, at there home there was Don, Marjorie, myself Nancy and John we sat in the living room, in a circle Marjorie would do the prayer of invocation, and we would sit quietly hands on laps palms upwards, in a kind of meditative state freeing our minds, of our material worries woes physical aches and pains, and seeing waiting to see what spirit wished to inspire us with, images within the minds eye, feelings of those spirits that were coming around us in the circle, and any messages they wished to share.
This went on for a good few weeks, although at the end of the evening when it was time to give off what we had received, I had nothing to give as I felt I did not experience anything. I was disheartened by this although Marjorie and Don encouraged me to stick with it, then Marjorie would do the closing prayer and we would have tea and biscuits, we continued to sit over the weeks, and I was being drawn to bend physically, forwards backwards from side to side, my arms outstretched in front of me to the sides and above my head, I felt this was all very strange, but the others did not bat an eyelid, so I carried on allowing this to happen to me, I asked Marjorie about it and she said do not worry, its just spirit adjusting to your physical body.
Zangu Zulu Spirit Guide
So I continued sitting and bending physically, until one night we were sitting in a low light, I looked over at Don and all of a sudden his head disappeared before my eyes, and different heads replaced his a native American, china man, a guy with a bowler hat, people of all different nationalities were appearing, this frightened me but amazed me at the same time, as it was the first time I had ever experienced this. My breathing started to get deeper and deeper, my consciousness was getting very inward until I felt about an inch tall within myself, I could hear my breathing getting deeper and more guttural, I could also feel this energy power however you want to describe it, getting stronger and stronger within me I felt I had no physical control over myself, to be honest I was crapping myself as I had no control, this energy power intelligence I could not describe it at the time, had total control over me, I heard Marjorie say have you come in peace, my head was turned from left to right as to say no, now I was really worried I was looking from within outwards, I did not know what was happening to me, and I had no control Marjorie then said have you come to give healing, my head was moved up and down to say yes.
Marjorie asked who have you come to give healing to, my arm was pointed towards John, who’s spine was crumbling he wore a big surgical belt, and he had to have gold injections into his spine. Amazingly I was stood up and walked towards John, as I moved closer to John my hands were pointed towards him, fingers closed and outstretched, my hands started to shake very rapidly, and from within myself I could see yellow, red, blue, green, beams of light shooting out of my fingers and into John.
I was shocked amazed and wondering what the hell was happening to me, gradually the power holding me began to decrease, Marjorie asked what is your name, a deep guttural voice in a whisper, came from me my name is Zangu, I was sat down and over a few minutes I began to compose myself, and came back into the room, Marjorie explained that Zangu is a healing guide and was told whilst he was with me, that he had been waiting to work with me since before I was born, I cannot describe to you how that felt, this was my first experience of trance. The closing prayer was said and we had tea and biscuits.
I continued sitting in Marjorie and Don’s development circle, for a few weeks more spirit had started to mentally, give me messages and Zangu would come though me in trance. He was also making his presence felt in the healing sanctuary, as Brian felt I was now advanced enough to channel healing, the power he brought through was amazing, and the temperature would really go up in the healing sanctuary, and people were saying they really felt the benefit of the healing power Zangu brought through. Although I was starting to have nightmares, this concerned my parents and myself, as I suffered some pretty horrific nightmares as a child, these nightmares were coming back with a vengeance, I assured my parents it was nothing I was doing at the spiritualist church, causing the nightmares to return. I walked into church one evening, and sitting in the foyer was a lovely medium by the name of Mrs Brotherton, Frank the president of the church was arguing with a lady, about me saying I was ungifted and to young to develop, the lady was saying just because I was young it did not mean I was not gifted. Don’t mind me I thought Mrs Brotherton sat there quietly smiling, during her demonstration of mediumship she came to me with a message, she was telling me from spirit that they were opening a door for me, and behind that door there was many spiritual gifts, waiting for me to develop and use with spirit in spiritual service, and that I had a very long way to go on the spiritual path, and many would come to me to be uplifted by these gifts, After the service Frank invited me into his church circle, I will leave you the reader to make your mind up about that.
I was reluctant to leave Marjorie and Don’s circle, but mistakenly felt by joining Franks church circle, it would be a way of progressing, as Frank was giving his circle the hard sell. I was still very much learning and naïve, about the right course for spiritual development. So I joined Franks circle, Marjorie and Don were lovely told me to be guided by spirit, and wished me well on my spiritual path, there is not a lot I can say about Franks circle, because spirit really did not communicate with me in that circle, I heard a woman singing in the kitchen one night, no one physical was in the kitchen, and once I was drawn to lay face down on the floor, arms outstretched to the side feet together, I later found out that this is the universal sign of humility.
My nightmares had gradually got a lot worse, I was waking up with a violent jolt screaming my head off, other times I would be falling from the ceiling in my bedroom, with this demonic face above me chasing me, I would wake up with a violent jolt, and be thrown to the other side of the room screaming, one night I woke up screaming kicking the chest of drawers, the other side of the bedroom. Zangu was also coming through as and when he pleased, this was at times embarrassing and dangerous.
My parents were very worried about me, and started talking about getting me psychiatric help, no one at church could give me an answer to the nightmares, I was having, at the time I was working at Bryce Whites Timber Yard in Langley, loading and unloading lorries. I was sent on a forklift driving course which I passed, to celebrate I went across the road to my local pub The Chestnuts, and got myself very drunk directors bitter, and rum and coke was my tipple at the time, I staggered home and went to sleep.
I was falling from the ceiling again, with demonic face chasing me I woke up with a jolt, wedged between my bed, and an old cabinet type record player, I had inherited from my parents. And in that second I felt a hand grab the back of my head, and force my head down on the corner of the record player, with such force the corner of the record player went through my chin.
My Dad rushed in I couldn’t talk as 3 teeth with gum were under my tongue, I was bleeding heavily, Dad went and got me a tea towel to hold to my mouth to help stop the bleeding, come on Dad said we are going up the hospital, so still drunk wearing my underpants, Dad took me to Wexham Park Hospital. When we arrived in casualty there had been a big fight at one of the local clubs, because of my injury the police thought I was involved in the fight, my Dad said what in his underpants no he has had a nightmare, the look on the policemans face was classic, I was given emergency surgery, to repair my chin and teeth they could give me an anaesthetic as I was drunk, I saw everything in the stainless steel on the light above my head, I felt every thing the surgeon was doing. He wired and stitched the 3 teeth under my tongue back into place, and put 13 stitches in my chin, I remember vividly the big needle for the penicillin injection, when we got home there was 2 teeth sticking out of the record player, yes it hurt like hell the next day I went to the hospital dentist, to have my teeth put into dental clamps for the next 6 months, to hold them all together.
The next night I went to Slough Christian Spiritualist Church, looking like Frankensteins monster, with 13 stitches in my chin and heavily bruised down the right side of my face, I was a bit shocked as no one said a word, after the service Nancy and Ken approached me, and said do you remember a medium called Berenice Watts, I said yes I did and that I enjoyed her work. Nancy told me that Berenice ran a discussion group in Ruislip, and would I like to go with them as they could see I was in a state, and they felt Berenice could help me.
The following Wednesday we went along to Berenice’s discussion group, the average age of the people there was 40 upwards, I was 19 years old so I felt a bit young stupid and shy to say anything, but I listened with interest to the discussion, afterwards Nancy and Ken Introduced me to Berenice, Nancy said to her Steve’s got some problems can you help him. Berenice took one look at me and, said its going to take more than 5 minutes to sort you out, can you come round for a coffee and chat next week, I agreed as was desperate for help some control over my life, as the nightmares were continuing, and my parents were getting serious abut me seeing a psychiatrist, we made arrangement for me to meet her and her husband Ian for a chat.
The following week I went along to Berenice and Ian’s, I told them of my experiences and my nightmares, admitted I was drunk when my face got smashed up. And that Zangu was coming through whenever he felt like it, Berenice explained to me that I was very open to spirit, and was very annoyed that I had not been taught how to close down to spirit, she explained to me that it was very important to close down to spirit, as we need to live our material lives, also spirit will use a open channel 24/7, this will have a very detrimental effect on a channel mentally and physically, especially as all and sundry and those from lower levels of spirit, are very drawn to the light of an open channel, and can be very harmful to a channel depending on the state, of the spirits coming close to the channel.
And also alcohol is a depressant but also makes us wide open to spirit, if we are not properly closed down. Her guides told her that I was being used astrally for rescue work, to take those on lower levels of spirit into the light and and higher levels of spirit, Berenice taught me how to close down, and to do the closing down meditation, before I went to sleep and before I got up in the morning. By asking God and spirit guides for protection, and imagining a blue and green wall around myself, and stating nothing could penetrate it, would give me the protection I needed, Berenice added that my spirit guides were also being very lazy, by not protecting me, Berenice then invited me into her circle to sit for spiritual development.
I was amazed and delighted, that Berenice had invited me into her development circle, it was like jumping from infant school to university, I was very much taught how to close to spirit, also how to open to spirit correctly, how to control my guides and to communicate with them, Berenice is a trance medium so I was taught trance, how to come in and out of trance properly, my guides were taught how to respect and look after me as a physical channel, they wanted to use me so they are responsible for looking after me. other than myself and Berenice there was Ian her husband, and Ron and Pauline a couple also sat in the circle, we would each in turn have to bring a guide through to talk on a set subject. My favourite was Li an oriental guide, who channelled through Ian his talks were very informative and funny, on how spirit works, universal law, levels of spirit, reincarnation.
We were taught how to give an inspired address from our guides, how to give messages from spirit, by cutting out unnecessary bits like names and anniversaries, sand, tarot, playing cards, crystal ball, psychometry, How to channel energy, meditation, one of the more gruelling excersises she would put a picture, in an envelope and we would have to tell her, what or who was in the picture and describe what we saw felt.
One night in Berenices circle I arrived, and the bowl of sand was there, she told me I was going to do a sand reading with a difference, after opening the circle Ian channelled the energy of a guide, into the sand I had to tell them who the guide was, as I looked into the shapes and shadows in the sand, in my minds eye I could see like a monastry with a silver lining around it, I could also see a group of bhuddist monks walking a path to this monastry, they were being attacked for the food they had with them, one got hit over the head, instantly in a split second everything went black, and a massive electric like shock through me, then I was back in the room, Ian told me the guide was in actual fact his guide Li, he was a bhuddist monk, and he was murdered for the food he had with him, and is monastry was called the monastry of silver light.
Sadly Berenice’s circle lasted 9 months, as Berenice and Ian moved to Crawley to live, and it was to far for us to travel, I still feel a link to Berenice’s circle and my fellow sitters, I will be forever grateful to her for her help and teaching, I also teach the same way as she did very disciplined. I have been working off what I learned in that circle, for the past 34 years it was way ahead of its time, and still is today because it was universal spiritual teaching, as a way of life, and to give from the spirit through the heart.
Seeking the sunrise, contemplating sunset, creation gave all things life, I am alive, so I am creation. Free, limitless, and ready to put this power to the test, what is real life. Whatever I want it to be, surely the creation of creation is truth.
Embracing who we see ourselves truly to be, rejecting the fear of what others might think, is a great step forward. By dropping out of the norm crowd, we step into fresh invitations, from our new norm crowd. But at least we are more content, as we do not feel something is missing, with our new norm crowd.
Seeking out our unseen selves, is also a very valid exercise, the part of us that hides in the shadows, desperately wanting, to live, breathe, and see the sun. Feeling the warmth of the sun on its face, it is dragged back into the shadows by fear, the fear of mockery or laughter, did not Shakespeare say, All the worlds a stage and each plays their part.
Nothing wrong with changing the part, as life goes on and we age, our needs and priorities become different, why should we accept the norm. Become and be what we want to be, from the inside out it is not treading on any toes, it is living our truth, rejecting fear and speaking our truth.
Our inner selves soul and spirit, are truly the total composition of love, it is how we express that love, to all around us, family, friends, pets, colleagues, but we forget to love life. Our true selves loves life, and knows that life, is a sacred learning temple, that all of us physical beings are pupils.
Yet we forget heart and mind, and keep them imprisoned by fear. Instead of allowing heart, mind, love. To run free in the sunshine, the essence of self expression, from sunrise to sunset, in this circle of life.