Christmas is a time when memories of Christmas past, come to the forefront of the mind, Christmas 2010 was to be a Christmas Day of great change for me, although I felt it was my worst time, it was actually the best time of my life, although my life was in tatters, hopes and dreams crushed I felt so abandoned, as if washed up on a sea shore my ship of life wrecked, cast out and alone a mere image of what I once was, I have written much of this time, but as I was looking through my facebook memories, my status for 27/12/10 was “A new journey begins letting go of the past, and embracing a new life”.
All roads lead to somewhere in this life, dependant on the pathway we choose to walk, I have realised that spirit can see the bigger picture of our lives, especially when our faces are in the dirt, and we feel broken and lost, it is most important to be true to ourselves, have faith in ourselves as the true path we wish to walk, will open up to us, the last 8 years have been a amazing time of development, to become we must first grow, I grew by unloading all my mental and emotional crap, becoming at peace with myself yes loving myself, walking a spiritual pathway as a healer and medium, all the progress I have made in life, has taken 8 years we live in a instant world, but inner development to effect progession in our outer world takes time, small steps are required to be taken, by those who seek to develop and progress, be prepared for a journey of soul searching and realisation, a journey of healing and enlightenment, not instant gratification and results, feeling very pleased with myself in 2016, my head and heart were in the best place they had been in years, but I had a question that needed to be answered, would I ever find a lady to truly love, to spend the rest of my days with, I did wonder if I was meant to walk my life pathway alone, but decided to try one last time.
I joined Match.Com yes a dating site you may scoff, but the ladies were not exactly kicking my front door down to date me, I had been on the dating site for almost a year, and was about to delete my account, most of the ladies I spoke to had more baggage than Heathrow, wanted someone a lot wealthier than myself, or turned there nose up at me because of my spiritualism, I was also losing weight due to my diet, and posting images of my slimmer self to the dating site, interest did pick up a bit, but as I said the interest was from all the wrong ladies, one night in June 17 I decided to end my time with Match.Com, when I logged in I noticed I had a wink from a lady, the lady was in fact my Veronica after a couple of weeks texting and chatting, we agreed to meet 13/07/17, I am very empathic and I immediately sensed from Veronica, the warmth and beauty of her heart, this is the girl I am looking for I thought, we clicked and started dating each other, although I lived in Slough and she in Winchester, the distance did not matter, as I know now we were truly falling in love, and we would take it in turns to visit each other when we were not working.
My Veronica August 2017
But living apart and distance did eventually become a problem, as it was becoming harder and harder to leave each other, when our visits came to an end, we had talked of moving in together, I used to say to Veronica it is a nice thought, but it is very scary in practice, and I did not want another life disaster on my hands, if it all went wrong, also giving up my flat in Slough would be a real wrench for me, as I loved my flat it was a lifeboat for me, to heal and rebuild my life, but as our feelings for each other grew. and absence from each other got harder and harder, we finally decided to make a home together, after a lot of talk about whom was moving in with who, myself and Veronica decided that I would move to Hampshire with her, I spoke to my mother and got her blessing, my mother said to me “it would be good for me to get out of the rat race, and into the country” on 08/06/18 I moved to Winchester to live with Veronica, now looking back today 01/01/19, it is the best move I ever made, a real leap of faith but I have landed safely on my feet, myself and Veronica plan to marry in September 19, since moving to Winchester we also use our home as a spiritual centre, I have named Spirit Divine for healing, readings, workshops, and demonstrations of trance, also I am serving new churches, some that I used to serve back in the day, I feel so very blessed today and so glad I took the small steps, inwardly and outwardly to where I am today, although we cannot always see the bigger picture, small steps towards our goals are the answer enjoy the journey, 2018 was a master year, to take charge and put in place everything we want in life, and I feel I have mostly achieved that, and I am very happy to share this with you all.
Thank You For Reading
Stephen Rowlands 01/01/19
Weary of the wheel of material life, expending energy draining going nowhere fast in rotation, tired and forlorn must power the greed engine, sitting with my wine asking the question why am I programmed to work this wheel, is it the knowledge of age that speaks, or my creaking body, that will not allow me to do what I once did, I am weary of the systemic ideal, that wants me in my place, I have worked my whole life, feeding energy to the greed engine, the life love and laughter, I have missed whilst working this dam wheel, is the tax that I have paid, for a comfortable life.
When I am exhausted and can no longer feed the greed engine, I will be discarded and replaced, worn out for what purpose I ask, the best years passed by, hindsight is a beautiful future lived in the past, a day dream that I can no longer regret, I should have stepped off the wheel, when my dreams could have been loved and lived, weary of futile work serving the corperate machine, that nourishes the few but wastes the many.
I have had too many years of doing big favours, for the businesses I have served, I have gained nothing from doing favours, I have lost time to live breathe and love, you call again asking for a big favour, this time I cannot oblige, because time is limited for me and priceless, I will waste no more of my precious time, making you rich and me weary.
I have found myself at a tipping point in life, I have always done what I have done for self survival, it is the name of the game in this material world of ours, earning enough money to live and survive in this physical life, throughout my working life I have always taken jobs with low pay and long hours just to survive, and have earned a good living at the expense of my quality of life, and spiritual pathway life as always teaches lessons, the realisation that life is teaching me a lesson became most apparent at my latest job interview.
I recently went for a job as a security officer at a local shopping centre, presenting the interviewer with a CV that holds 28 years of experience, in different roles within the security industry, a few of them employed in retail security in uniform and as a store detective, and shopping centre security, so I felt I was well placed for the job role I was applying for, the interview to my mind did not go well, as the interviewer treated me as if I had not done security work before, and as if I was inherently stupid, asking me questions on what he had just said.
Realising that he was assuming because of the job role I was applying for, that I must be of low intelligence offended me, the hourly rate was not that great even by security industry standards, with no double pay for working bank holidays, my interviewer tried to impress on me how wonderful it was, that my maybe future employer would provide me with a uniform, that I did not have to pay for is this what the security industry has become I thought, as my interviewer described the daily routine of a security officer at the shopping centre, asking had I done this or that before, to be honest and this may sound very arrogant but I felt over qualified for the job role I was being interviewed for, my CV was there before him holding more than enough of the experience required for the job role, and my interviewer was treating me as if I had just landed at Heathrow, got my security badge and was applying for my first security job.
I left the interview very angry with the interviewer, because of the way I was treated, I felt that with my CV and experience that I should have been treated with more respect, also realising that he was rigidly sticking to the interview formula, set down by the company he works for, which is ok for people just coming into the security industry, but not for old campaigners like myself with 28 years of experience, having said all this the working hours for the job, would really fit in with my spiritual work and development, my interview experience got me thinking, do I really need to do this kind of work, and be treated like a slave amoeba.
The question keeps running through my mind, why do I keep running to these kind of jobs just to survive, surely just surviving is not quality of life, and is really not progressing towards my purpose in life, I now know that my purpose in life is to serve spirit, as a healer and medium, writer and poet, but alas my purpose does not pay the bills, my tipping point has given me a choice to either, do what I have always done to survive, or to focus on serving spirit full time, doing readings and demonstrations, giving spiritual guidance, the universe is saying to me the choice is yours, and it is a very scary choice to make as I have not the finances to support me, whilst I focus on and grow a spiritual business, as can be done in the new and evolving spiritual industry, but what can I do in the meantime, the answer is very clear, I must work in the material world to keep the roof over my head.
I am also grateful for the massive learning curve that I am now on, regret is no longer useful to me, thinking what if I had not left the spiritual pathway, there is a bigger realisation here, why did I never believe in myself, or realise my own self worth, but I cannot dwell on my lack of self belief or worth, in the past what matters is now, and what I do with lessons learned, the one thing I did learn from the interview is that I am worth more, the beauty of life is that we can manifest change from within at any point in our lives, and it is the inner change of self belief and worth that I now seek, and focussing on for the future, I have been used by spirit in the past, to help people love and believe in themselves, now once again it is time for me to practice what I preach.
Life is an open book and we all write in it’s pages, it is very important not to regret past mistakes, if we had taken a different road all this does is weigh us down, and hold us back from inner new beginnings and new life, I am told by others that I am talented, so time to focus on those talents and develop them as often as possible, and no more doing myself down with dead end jobs, with no chance of progression just to survive, I am also 58 years old so seeking out a career is pointless at my time of life, although I have had opportunities in the past to create a career, but dwelling on the past as I said is pointless, it is very important in life to work with what we have in life, rather than yearning for what we have not, we can do nothing with what we do not have, much better to focus on what we can become with what we have, I have mind and a reasonably healthy body, I have life, purpose, and love, I have talents to develop, thankyou job interview for making me realise life and future service needs me to be so much more.
But the lessons still needed to be learned, as I was still teetering on my tipping point, the point being how to balance my material and spiritual, and earn enough money to live on my finances are running low, I was worried about being able to meet my financial commitments, 31/07/18 I had a second interview for a supermarket home delivery service, which meant going on a delivery run with the supervisor, delivering shopping to peoples doors and a driving assessment, the supervisor is a friendly chap we got on well and the interview went well, I had passed all assessments, the supervisor told me he had other interviews, and let me know the following Monday 06/08/18 if I had been successful or not, but the hourly rate was not good, and the hours offered meant I would not earn enough to make a living, so I would have to turn down the job if offered it, I got the call but was unsuccessful in my application, as my customer service skills were not as strong as other candidates.
All of this with my financial worries made me feel very low, but I had to pull myself together, as I was doing a demonstration of mediumship, at The Divine Spark Centre in Bredhurst Kent, 01/08/18 my girlfriend Veronica drove me to the centre, as my car has a water leak, The Centre is run by my best friend Marina Rawlings and her colleague Mandy Lafferty, I wanted to have a good strong connection to spirit that evening, as I was honoured to be serving my best friends centre, reminding myself that it is my purpose in life, to serve spirit as a healer and medium, as I sat there alone waiting for the demonstration to start, rising above my worries and woes to raise my vibration, to be able to communicate with spirit, I got a strong image within my minds eye, of the face of an elderly man with rugged weather beaten features, white/grey hair brushed back balding on top long white/grey side burns, with a determined look on his face, there had been a lot of talk of spiritual activity at the centre, so I thought this spirit is just passing through but he remained with me.
I started the demonstration and it was going well with a strong connection to spirit, in the audience there was a young friend of Marina’s, who Marina had told me before the demonstration that her friends mother was very ill, I was very drawn to this young lady, and she had a very strong native American guide who wished to speak to her, but I was holding back as I did not want what I already knew, to stain the link with the spirit guide, nor did I want to blurt out publicly anything the spirit guide wished to say about her mother, as I strongly felt that this would be to private for the young lady to share publicly, the native American spirit guide gave me symbolic images, of what life was like for the young lady I interpreted the images for her, and she was accepting the message, but I did feel a bit of a fraud as I had prior knowledge of this young ladies life. then the old weather beaten man who I saw before the demonstration, popped up in my minds eye, he told me he was the young ladies grandfather, I told the young lady I had her grandfather on her fathers side of the family with her, I felt strongly he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, as he was showing me a cement mixer, he was also impressing on me the dark green cardigan he always used to wear, I described him to her she smiled I could see him lent over her as she sat there, with his hands on her shoulders, her grandfather passed on a message of love to her, via me that he was there to support her and the rest of her family through this difficult time.
After the demonstration the young lady came to me, she was delighted with her message from her grandfather, she told me my description of him was spot on, that he was an outdoor man and worked in the construction industry, and her grandad was always there to support and comfort family in troubled times, and that her and her father were dealing with her mothers illness, alone as other family had seemed to step back from them, but she was very happy that her grandad had communicated, and proved to her that he was still with them and supporting them, she also told me her father was a non believer in life after death, but she would tell him of her message from her grandad.
Myself and the lovely Marina Rawlings at The Divine Spark Centre 01/08/18
My link with spirit and the whole demonstration, especially the message to the young lady from her grandad, had given me the inner upliftment that I needed at that time, and reminded me of how very blessed I am to be a channel for spirit, I decided not to allow myself to get low about my present predicament, and felt a bit daft as I am a great believer in the power of positive thinking, and how the power of thought can bring to us what we want or need in life, the next day 02/08/18 I said to Veronica something wonderful is going to happen today, it is a magical day and I live a magical and abundant life, Veronica looked at me as if I had jumped out of a Jamboree bag, but my thoughts and intentions were set.
We had breakfast and I went online to seek work and apply for jobs, I applied for a couple of security jobs that I had applied for previously, but hey ho I thought no harm in applying again, around 11 am I got a phone call from a security recruitment company, he said you sent me your cv this morning, you have a strong security background, I have two jobs in mind for you can I discuss them with you, I said yes certainly, both jobs were for a leading national security company, both jobs 4 on 4 off on a rolling basis, one a night mobile driver locking and unlocking sites and doing site patrols, the other was still mobile but driving to a well known store in various locations, spending a couple of hours in each of them providing a security presence and deterrent to store thieves, I told the caller I had experience in both roles, although he advised me I could only apply for one of the jobs, so I picked the night mobile job, he asked if he could send my cv to the company I agreed he could, and asked if I would be available next day for interview at 11 am, I told him I would be available.
Around 30 minutes later the recruitment consultant called me back, saying the security company wanted to see me for interview the next day, I accepted the offer of an interview and agreed to attend the interview, my day had turned around just by positive thinking and setting sincere intentions, I was jumping for joy as I told Veronica of my good fortune, I was very uplifted but the job had not been won yet, and I was hoping that my interviewer was old school security like myself, and not like the chrome new boy who interviewed me at the shopping centre.
I realised that the time and date of the interview was very powerful, spiritually and universally, three being the most powerful number in the universe, and eleven being a angel number, for letting go of the past and focussing on and working towards our goals, so on 03/08/18 at 11 am I attended the security company for interview, my interviewer a friendly no nonsense sort of guy, told me about the job we talked about my relevant experience for the job, he told me he has been working in the security industry nearly as long as I have, the look on his face told me he knew he couldn’t, give me any of the new corperate security industry bullshit I had experienced in previous interviews, he said look I am going to offer you a job, I have three jobs I want to talk you about, but you can only pick one, mobile relief, mobile retail days, mobile nights, I picked the mobile retail job as it was days, it would be a better work life balance for my relationship with Veronica, he took my uniform sizes and my bank details for wages, I am just waiting for vetting to go through and I can start work, and I am very much looking forward to my new role, as I will be able to earn enough money to live on, and have time to focus on and progress with my spiritual, all came right in the end with positive thinking and focus on my goals, although I did not want to work in the security industry anymore, I know this job and it fits in with the life I wish to lead.
During the past two weeks the universe has been sending me a very strong message, in quotes that I have read and movies that I have watched several times a day, telling me to practice what I preach, to believe in myself and focus and work hard towards my goals, I know this is not easy, when we feel low about ourselves and our future prospects, I have learned this past two weeks, to rise above my woes and focus on my goals, as I do when I communicate with spirit, our doubts about ourselves and our prospects become a real burden, stopping us from focussing on our goals or what we need to achieve daily, by rising above our doubts believing that everyday is wonderful and magical, using that energy to focus on and work towards our material/spiritual goals, and knowing that every setback is there to teach us something, and guide us to our greatest and highest good, so lets not be down about our setbacks learn from them, and use them as a springboard for the future, I am grateful for the lesson and finally practising what I am preaching.
Stephen Rowlands 08/08/18
To dwell within the moment is fine living, within the moment my mind awakens alive in yesteryear, to the people who I love and have passed away in time, sunshine on leafy trees with gentle breeze, aware my heart with all its love, to know that I was loved, but knowing in the now yesteryear has passed, but the love still remains,of all the people I love who have passed away in time.
I saw a white horse today making me aware of its presence, is this a sign of future or tests passed, white horse you are the bridge between physical and spiritual, a bridge that I must cross, to reach greater understanding of my service, to help those in spirit to cross the bridge, and communicate their truth with us here on earth, white horse are you a unicorn I feel you are, but can see no horn I become aware that you have the heart of a unicorn, guiding the way for healing between earth and sky, may I find humility and focus to be the bridge between earth and sky.
Stephen Rowlands 25/06/18
The journey of the soul is seeking out a place where the heart can call home, if such a place exists in this myriad of possibilities, expectations always fall short of what truly manifests in the meditation of life, memories reflect back like the broken shards of a mirror, strewn on the floor of the mind, the homesick heart knows there is no way back, for the heart is the wanderer, the loner bound in time journeying towards the inevitable fate, as all fades away in our world of matter and time.
Within our mortal existence we accept change as we grow old, because we are mortal it is all we can perceive, but the heart is the inner child timeless and eternal, time is of no importance to the homesick heart, only to be where the heart belongs.
Stephen Rowlands 25/03/18